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back in the UK- and what sex workers will do for free

So first order of business- after my Poland drama and my visa I was very stressed out about leaving the UK for Massachusetts, but I went anyway.

I almost didn't get back in.

When the cross-looking lady got a hold of my visa and saw I had been refused entry into the UK (due to my working as a volunteer) before she became even more pissy, questioning me on whether I was working illegally in other countries and how I was able to pay my way. While I'd love to be able to say "well, ma'am, I fucked a lot of people, actually" I kinda knew that wasn't the right answer and so left it alone. They couldn't find reason to hold me, and they let me go. Phew. I almost vomited, peed myself and started crying. That would probably damage my Domme cred.

So, all that out of the way, I'm back in the UK til late January. Well, that is, if I make it back after Thanksgiving in Poland, but we'll just cross our fingers that it won't be a problem.

My girlfriend mentioned something about Bitchy Jones' latest column. And I love Bitchy, I do. She often hits the nail right on the head of the things I dislike. But this time, I feel kind of irritated. It's probably because I'm tired, my housemate is possibly a serial killing psycho and I'm sad about having to go back to the States where sex work is illegal, but I'm irritated.

I'm irritated because Bitchy Jones seems to believe that if you get paid for domination you're not a twue dominant woman. And fair enough, I know this industry well and I know that's true for a lot of women. Just like escorts are not always escorts because they just love sex with strangers. However- some do, and some dominant women get paid to do what they love. For me, I get paid to practice techniques so I can them whip them out in front of my lovers and look impressive. That's pretty sweet- I get paid to play with demo bunnies. The fact I get paid shouldn't and doesn't invalidate the experience or the honesty of the play I do.

Yeah, I'm a sex worker. That's my job. I'm queer and a kinky Top. I'm that regardless of my work. It's a separate thing. Yeah, currently, they work together pretty well, but I'm still queer and a kinky Top when I'm an admin or when I'm an unemployed student. Being queer and kinky and dominant is my sexual orientation, or part of it. Being a sex worker? It's a job. One doesn't cancel out the other.

What will a sex worker do for free? The things she wants to make time for, that's what.

I'm irritated at the implication that if you're working as a sex worker that you don't ever stop working- that any kind of socializing is considered work. It's fair enough to not want to go out of your way to hang out with sex workers, but, um, we don't tell our friends and family that to hang with us they have to pay up. In fact that was my method for changing my dynamic with TB- I told him if I got to do what *I* wanted, things that were MY turn ons, he wouldn't have to pay me. Now, he's a sweetie of mine. And for the record? I'm not his bottom. And I enjoy buying him things. Except with both him and the girlfriend, I like to buy them things that make them uncomfortable and squirmy and then subject them to it, but never mind.

When you pay for a sex worker, you pay for her to take time away from her life to spend time focusing on you. You don't pay for her orgasm or even her real enjoyment- some give it, some don't. You're paying for her time, and her attention.

If I got paid to have sex with my sweeties I would do that, for sure, but I don't, so I work. Guys email me and I decide who has fantasies that seem like fun and gives me a chance to work on my rope skills or fear play techniques. I take time away from blogging and reading LOLcats and taking walks and doing boring mundane stuff and hot sexy stuff to spend time with a client. That's how jobs work- I know a lot of my artist friends would love to be paid to create when they felt like it and whatever they like, but that doesn't feed them so they do graphic design or courtroom drawings to pay the bills and fund their passion. They take time away from their art for art-for-pay. I get paid to take time away from my sweeties to play with someone new. That's how it goes. For some it's glamorous and exciting and for others is freelancing.

With all that said- I work to live, not the other way round. When I'm off the clock I'm doing the things I like best and enjoying... well, enjoying things that deserve their own blog post, actually, later. I don't put the crop down when the whistle blows and go home to a nice "normal" man or suddenly become a bottom or some other shit.

I feel passionately about a lot of the same things Bitchy writes about. I just sometimes feel saddened that my admiration and respect and validation is one sided. I wish she knew I existed too. It's bad enough when the rest of the world figures I'm either exploited or a nympho pervert (in a bad sense). When writers like Bitchy that I respect and like make me feel like I have to defend my desires... that saddens me.

Anyway. Much more fun things to blog about but that will have to wait cause I flew in yesterday morning and, well, the fun things didn't lead to a whole lotta sleep. ;)

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problems I have with Gor

I've always struggled to respect Goreans as a variation of BDSM. I have multiple problems with it.

-There's an implication that this is how the world "really" is, and if we all just stopped with the pretense and got down to it, we'd "know better". Uh huh.
-Also, it doesn't help that most of the people interested are men- men who still haven't gotten rolling for stats, if you know what I mean.
-There's the idea that females should submit to femininity, males to masculinity, that I think completely ignores the beauty of variation.
-Oh, yeah, and feminism basically just confused women into thinking they had rights... um... yeah. Silly women! Escaping your abusive husband is just you fighting against your inner nature.
-That slave girls are for sex and pleasure and that's their main duty. I don't know- my submissives main duty is to bring me pleasure, I suppose, but that's within blacking a boot as much as it's in a good fuck.
-It's SUPER DUPER HETEROSEXUAL with absolutely no self-examination of how people who aren't hets would fit in. I think a philosophy should cover all the bases- again, variation.
-Things like this-
"There is a difference' laughed Hassan, 'between the pride of a free woman and the pride of the slave girl. The pride of a free woman is the pride of a woman who feels herself to be the equal of a man. The pride of the slave girl is the pride of the girl who knows that no other woman is the equal of herself.' " John Norman, Tribesmen of Gor-
which implies that free women are just kidding themselves- people into this lifestyle say everyone's different, and we're not equal but we should all be respected, but that doesn't come through in the "philosophy"

It also doesn't help that most of the time when you hear "Gorean" it's about a man who's held a woman against her will, stripped her of her money and self worth and mistreated her. To me, Gor speaks to male privilege, to men who want to go back to the "good old days" pre-feminism of kidnapping a woman and raping her, and it's ok cause she's a woman and that's what they're for!

However, things that squick other people- 24/7, constant sexual availability, not using safewords- those don't bother me so much, though I imagine the constant sexual availability would be hard to maintain.

I've been reading "Ramblings of a Kajira" in an attempt to better understand. And I've just not discovered that John Norman wrote a sex manual called "Imaginative Sex" and that Pat Califia wrote a foreword for it! He says
the original 1974 edition of the book "was one of the first above-ground nonfiction books to offer a rationalization for dominant/submissive role-playing and some instructions about how to do it". Wow, ok. Hm.

Amusingly, within the sex manual, Norman doesn't suggest you be whipped, but rather than the Dom clap his hands and the slave react as if being whipped. Aww! I wonder what he'd think of the scene now...

Anyway. I do try to respect anyone's kink. I guess what it is about Gor is not that I don't get it as much as it reminds me of other things, like monotheistic religions that go around saying "this is the REAL way". Still, whatever- in the circles I run in, it's irrelevant, I doubt anyone would admit they were Gorean even if they were.

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on sucking cock

Also, I wanted to do a response to a poem I found today:

"Nothing is worse than sucking cock

the vile taste of a dick in your mouth
unwashed, dirty ‘n thrusting to the back of your throat
like it’s a normal thing to do…

And if that’s not bad enough, they expect you to
swallow their cum and enjoy the taste.

Repulsive, throat gagging, vile sliver of
spunk splurts down your throat and you swallow
wishing you had just bit his dick off instead
so that you never have to do that shit again."

It kind of amuses me that this was written by someone who identifies as a lesbian. I would imagine that cocksucking would be pretty repulsive to someone who didn't find men attractive. Am I alone in that..?

Anyway, I love sucking cock. And I thought maybe I should write my own poem to express why, really, because it's been a while since I wrote a poem and, well, might as well be about cocksucking, yeah?

So, I give you:

cocksucker

nothing is better than sucking cock

from when i first feel your flesh
against my hand
i want you

i want to throw you down
and tie your hands behind your head
so you can focus on nothing else
but me
and my mouth

i love to bury my nose in your scent
your musk, your sweat
to let my tongue leave trails of wetness
against your shaft
run my lips, hard, and slow
up, up, and feel you stiffen

i love it when you close your eyes
and surrender
when you moan with desperation and desire
when your cock pulses
wanting to be further inside the wet velvet
of my throat

i love it with latex
encasing you, confining you
with leather
wrapped around your shaft
or with my tongue
running, lightly
over cling film
you straining underneath
so close, and yet so far...

i love it when you cum
when you gasp
and your back arches
and your orgasm is mine

when your cum smears across my lips
or slides down my throat
like cream
it's indulgent
and wanton

i love to lick the traces of cum
from the tip
and watch you shiver
i love it when it's too much
for you to handle

and i love it when you kiss me
afterwards

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vote yes on prop K so I can go back to California


This is Sadie Lune. She wants a wife, sex worker rights, and possibly more hats to add to her collection. She's this very sexy poster girl for Proposition K, a move to decriminalize prostitution in San Francisco.

Let me introduce you to Prop K.

Prop K will bar police from investigating and prosecuting prostitution charges. It will also deny funds for the First Offender Prostitution Program (“john school", a guilt-trip misinformation meeting to attempt to make men feel badly about seeing hookers) and stop the city from harassing sex workers of color under the guise of "rescuing trafficking victims". These police operations tend to target streetwalkers and massage parlors- yet they also indulge in these businesses as entertainment for their officers.

Prop K also forces police to investigate charges of battery, rape, extortion, and other violent crimes, even if the victim is a sex worker. Nope, that doesn't happen now- if they know or discover you're in the industry they'll drop charges and not take it seriously. Cause, as we all know, you can't rape a hooker, right?

If it doesn't pass in San Francisco, we'll go back to doing what we always do- advertising in slogans and slang, never quite being able to say what we will and won't do and for how much, never quite being able to negotiate fully, always trying to skirt the issue and be clear with a prospective customer without being too clear unless it's a cop. As a dominatrix I will be unable to offer sex, and even then I will have to be wary as BDSM counts as sex for money if they really want to press the issue.

If it DOES pass, it'll be a huge sigh of relief and I'll be able to work the way I do here- nice advertising, chilled out time with guys, clear expectations which leads to way hotter sexy fun. We'll have access to better health care, legal advice, and emotional support.

Either way... it's not like I'd stop working. I would just be working in secret and in fear instead of being the proud woman you see here.

Another blog for another time about "Challenging Man's Demand for Prostitution in Scotland", that lovely document where they refuse to let their survey questions be seen and they come to conclusions that 10% of punters would rape a woman if they didn't think they'd be caught.

Though I do like this:
"There is also a quick vote poll on the Daily Record home page ‘What is the best way to end prostitution?’
As I write this at 5.30pm on 28th April the preliminary results are:-
Arrest hookers - 12.0%
Arrest punters - 35.6%
Reduce poverty - 22.1%
Reduce drug use - 30.3%"

There's a big difference. In the States, we arrest hookers. Here, we want to arrest punters. Really what we need to do is reduce poverty and maybe drug use... but that's really hard. Arresting people is easier and looks more exciting.

I'll conclude with Sadie's amazing performance that won first prize in the SFMOMA "I Want You" contest (explanation on the video)-

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also: question: has escorting changed you?

This was a question posted on one of my favorite forums: has escorting changed you, personality-wise?

Yes, I think it has. Mostly in good ways.

Sexually: yes, I've changed. I've become more confident, better at saying "I like it when you do this" and "no, don't do that, try this way", and better at holding to my boundaries. I'm much better at saying no. I'm also better at saying when something is uncomfortable for me. Because of all that, I've become stronger and more playful with roleplay and other adventurous sexual behaviors, because I know better what I will like and not like. I've also realized I like some things with some people, and that's ok- it doesn't have to be all or nothing with my sweeties or my clients.

Emotionally: I'm waaaay more stable. Maybe it's partially financial independence, partially growing a bit older, and partially being in a stable relationship. I feel better able to tell what my emotional needs are, when I need to take time out, when I need support and when I need time alone. I think selling of my time has helped me to figure out what I get out of those encounters, if they drain or charge me, and what I would then need from my sweeties to make myself feel energized and healthy. I'm generally way more chill. I still struggle to not personalize my encounters as much (I really put myself into my sessions and it can be hard sometimes to keep professional boundaries, or to recognize what those are for myself, like in disclosing my personal life), but I'm learning to be more professional and the more I know my boundaries the better able I am to give of myself fully, within those constraints. Also, I love my body in a way I never did before!

Personality: I think I laugh more. I still worry about money sometimes, and I push myself pretty hard, but I also feel confident. I think it shows. I feel like an adult, and people comment on how mature I am, but at the same time I don't think I've lost a sense of humor or fun. I've... well, aged, maybe, like a delicious blue cheese. ::laughs:: And I'm WAY less melodramatic!!! WAY less. And less depressed. Less anxious too. I feel very in control of my life, in a non-psychotic way. :)

Basically, I feel more myself in every sense. I feel generally very fulfilled. Sometimes I get frustrated at timewasters or feeling like people judge me about my work, but it helps me to cultivate compassion and loving kindness. It's been a struggle, and a meditation, but I feel better now that I ever have, and I think my job has helped with that.

I will add that the nature of my job sometimes leads me to need snuggle time that's not sexual, though I find that happens less and less. I was struggling last year with PTSD around past sexual abuse, and it would have been impossible for me then to be doing what I do now. But taking it slowly, and treating myself with compassion and respect, choosing the clients with care and having lovely sweeties that take good care of me and understand, has led me to become a stronger, happier, more sexually fulfilled person. And that's true for both escorting and Domming.

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sickly

A brief post to say:

I have been sickly, as I was diagnosed with the tonsillitis. Ick! However, I got meds, and I'm getting better, and my throat is almost 100% again. Hopefully, it'll be even better tomorrow. Yay!

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Target Women: some amusing videos on media depictions of women

I don't know which of these I enjoy more- Disney Princesses or Cleaning, as they both made me laugh pretty hard. But what I like about these videos is because they're funny, they make some incredible points while being entertaining. I believe this is the way to changing people's minds- through educated and pointed humor.

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the Swedish Model

Fuck the Swedish Model.

By that, btw, I don't mean these delightful chickadees from First Time Tied, a Swedish Bondage site (though they are lovely, awwww! so precious).

I mean the laws around prostitution that are continually tossed around here in the UK as the ideal we should be working towards. Every time a politician talks about whoring, it's about the Swedish Model, and how well it's working. Mmmk. Having spoken to Swedes about it, it's NOT working, not at all.

"Anyone who for remuneration procures a temporary sexual relationship will be guilty – if their action is not punishable by some other offense according to the penal code – of purchasing sexual services, and will be sentenced to fines or prison for not more than six months."- translation of the law from here, which is a good run down and, well, I don't want to reiterate- just check it out :)

Reading through a lot of the discussions around the Swedish Model, I can't believe we're even having this argument still, to be honest. How can the Poppy Project support the Swedish Model when, in Sweden, the prostitutes that are suffering the worst consequences are the illegal immigrants? The trafficked women the Poppy Project is supposed to be helping? It blows my mind.

Again and again, these discussions seem to ignore the problems with vague language. As an American, I am perhaps excessively sensitive to vague language. Our politicians often make a lot of noise about "change" or "patriotism" without ever really going into detail about what that means to them. There's a reason for this. It's easy to work people up when you use these words, but harder when you specify. It becomes easier for your opponent to rip into your argument if you use specific language. Also, it becomes more obvious how educated you are about your topic- one of the reasons I despair in US politics, as neither has proven to me, when they say they have a plan, what that concretely MEANS.

So when I hear stuff like "remuneration", I want to know what, exactly, that covers. Cases in Sweden have apparently covered non-monetary things like drugs or furs- so what about trips, education costs (oh, the number of sex workers out in SF looking for "financial aid"... thanks, America) or fancy dinners? Expensive shoes? Purses?

"Temporary sexual relationship"? Ok, every single word in this is actually very vague. How long is temporary? If you have a regular john, is that ok, then? Sexual in what way? Is BDSM sexual enough to be arrested for? Foot fetishism? Phone sex? And relationship... wow, I mean, I get into these discussions about what "relationship" means to my sweeties and I ALL THE FUCKING TIME, and that's socially! Imagine then how confusing it must be to define it thoroughly enough to make legal judgements?

See how this gets murky?

Never mind the fact that I can tell you, as a woman who, I guess, is technically a migrant sex worker- I've worked in the US, where buying AND selling sex is illegal. Let's set aside for a moment the discussion of privilage and ethnicity- I acknowledge that I am middle class, white, comfortable in my body as female, and, in California anyway, legal to do other forms of work. So let's not bicker about all that, and just compare for a moment the difference in experience for such a woman in San Francisco, where prostitution is illegal, and London, where it's legal under certain circumstances.

The clients I had in California treated me differently. I had to be on my guard a lot more often. I worked out of a hot tub establishment because it was what I could afford, rent-wise, and I felt better having guys around who knew what I was up to and would come help me if something went wrong. I could not call the police. I couldn't fully give consent to a client because I couldn't be explicit or communicate fully without fear that the "client" was actually a policeman ready to arrest me. There was no SMS messaging system to check up on me. And the clients... well, most of them were respectful, but the kindest among them pitied me, and the worst among them stalked and threatened to kill me. Keep in mind, when, as a prostitute, you fear the police, you are put in an incredibly vulnerable position. The police, time and time again, have proven to be the cruelest victimizer of prostitutes and other sex workers. The Swedish Model means that mostly the assholes will continue to be clients. Say what you will about the ideals you have for it, that's the reality. That's why I work here.

See, in the UK, I have, not one, but multiple groups I can contact for legal, medical, and emotional help. I can explicitly spell out on my site and in emails and phone calls what I will and will not do, which prevents ugly debates in person. I can call the police for help. I can report a rape and have it... well, more respected, anyway, than in the States, where I would be laughed at and sent home without being given the opportunity to report, because I'm a sex worker. I mean, hell, there's a Union, even, which, if given enough power/respect/political oomph could very likely offer up some ways to help trafficking victims AND sex workers who have come into the profession willingly.

Anyway. I have to somehow make this into a better, more academic-sounding submission to the F-Word. Probably means less cussing. But for you guys, that's my initial thoughts about the Swedish Model. Maybe it looks pretty on the outside, but... no substance.

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"for I have no mercy to offer you "

Looking back over my writing from the past 5 years I am astounded at some of the things I articulated. Some of them hold true, even now, though I'm no longer depressed enough to write poetry like I used to. There are snippets I can smile at, here and there, and I just think "oh, yes..."

Things like "for I have no mercy to offer you ".

It was like that two nights ago. I was tipsy, which is generally not the place where I start a scene but I was feeling in the groove and I had my safety scissors on me so I felt comfortable that I could take care of things. Which is ultimately a long way of saying "I wanted to do it anyway, so I did".

I had savored a drink called the "Special Agent Cooper", a mix of espresso and cherry liquor that made me both awake and slow, a predatory combination. In the restaurant I kept wanting to reach across the table and slap his face for no reason. Just because it was mine to do with what I wanted, and isn't that reason enough, really? I had been masturbating to the thought of what I wanted to do for a couple of days so I felt prepared, mostly. I had brought cuffs, and a flogger, and a paddle, and some rope, along with a bit gag. I anticipated he might want to make some noise.

We went to Harmony to pick up some new smut for me; I dragged it out a bit to take the edge off the alcohol so I wouldn't have to wait when we got back to his. I got a book of vintage lesbian erotica on the premise that it was less tame, generally, back then- I prefer Anais Nin to most of the current "women's erotica" out there today. I like my smut filthy, preferably with a lot of dirty talk, and I was bored with what I had. Not that I had been using those books for a few days...

He had told me a few days before that he felt he could take some pain for me. This is what I thought about when my fingers slipped into my panties on any given day... his face, tear stained, a gag in his mouth, his ass red and burning. The "for me" was the part I really liked- that he wasn't into it, but he would take it because I wanted him to. That I found it erotic and therefore he would let me.

That wasn't enough, though, ultimately. I wanted to play with his ass, too. I wanted to tie him up and yank him around, beat him and cover him in hot wax and kiss his lips as they clenched around a bit. I wanted him trussed up in leather. He was beautiful, that way, though he's very pretty anyway.

I ended up marking him, accidentally, when I bit the chest ropes and got his flesh entangled. I apologized but couldn't help myself caressing the reddened bruise. He saw the delight in my eyes and slapped me, playfully, but also warningly- his hands were free at that point, an hour or so later. The bed was covered in wax, and I was wetter than I had ever been.

If I had ever felt unsure about whether or not I was a sadist, the fact that he could slip his fist inside me with minimal struggle after maybe 10 minutes of fingering should indicate that. I couldn't tell if the pain when he pushed in was bad or good, which usually means good. I felt like I had exploded into a sticky, bloody, leathery, waxy mess, and I was puddling on the floor. It was incredible.

Mercy. Who wants mercy in bed? Suffering tastes so, so good.

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adult babies in girlland

Again and again I am amazed at how hard it must be to be a punter and admit your pervs to a complete stranger. I mean, in some ways, maybe it's way easier, because you never have to meet them and you never have to see their look of horror... but in other ways I feel flattered that people come to me to try stuff that they're worried will squick me out. Maybe if any of my readers are clients they could say something about how it feels to ask for what you want during a session, or before a session? Do you fear rejection, or do you just not personalize it and move on?

Anyway, it reminds me of something I read about a butch female gigalo, and how hir card said "All kinks respected, most catered for". I like that. That's how I try to be.

Adult babies are one of those things that don't honestly do anything for me but I will defend to the death the right for them to enjoy themselves in the kink world. I tried being a Mommy once and it was probably more of a squick to me a mothering figure than that he was a baby. I would give it a go again as a Daddy, possibly, but the Mommy gig is so not mine. I have the mothering instinct of something that eats its young.

However, I was on one of the forums I spend a fair bit of time on when someone asked a question about adult babies. This wasn't a kink forum, this was an escort forum, and therefore some people are familiar with various expressions of kink and others are not. So far I've spoken up for sadists not being rapist/murderers and people into spit not being fucked in the head, along with other altsex things. I'm probably the kinkiest person on the site that actually posts. Possibly in part because the other girls can be really scathing about fetishes they don't get.

I get really scared for the future when even the hookers would rather spend time pointing the finger at each other and saying "YOU'RE the fucked up one" rather than focusing that energy on politics. There were three girls who said how adult babies = paedophilia, and one even suggested that the post be removed from the board for being inappropriate. The post in question (one about a client into AB, and should she bring up the suggestion of playmates) was clear, to most of us anyway, about it being adult babies. One of the girls insulted the poster. None of them actually addressed the question.

I got frustrated. Even among the closest thing to "my people" (the sex workers), I feel I have to speak out to protect my other "people", the kinky community. I have a book about escorting that implies that domination is something to be looked at with a hint of distaste. Apparently being actually into being on top is something that really does set me apart from other pros. And as I'm sort of the kinkster of the forum, I keep feeling like I have to say something. Because when even the sex outcasts are squabbling about what this kink means or doesn't mean, how can we, as kinky people or as sex workers, ever hope to overturn horrible, invasive politics like the extreme porn ban that makes photos of piercing or fisting illegal, or encourage positive things like New England Leather Alliance's educating police officers about the difference between consensual BDSM and abuse? Never mind all the usual stuff about two girls working in the same place!

Anyway. This is what I wrote, I wanted to keep it on here as reference.

"First off:

It's a mental illness/disorder fetish-wise or alt-sex-wise IF and ONLY if it affects their day to day life in a negative/harmful way. This is true for all fetishes across the board- crossdressing, sadism, latex, etc. That's what any psychologist worth their salt will say as that's what it says in the DSM.

Secondly:

Needles aren't everyone's thing, but no one's saying (to my face, anyway) that I'm sick and need help cause I'm into them. Needles are not inherently sexual for me, but I would count them in the realm of my sexuality anyway, because they're part of BDSM. Just because I enjoy needleplay doesn't mean I have the urge to run around stabbing people with needles. Just because you might like cunnilingus, doesn't mean you plan on plopping your pussy on the face of any random passerby, yeah? We all have self control.

Maybe adult baby isn't your thing. That's ok, you don't have to do it, right? I don't see how having a fetish to role play being a baby means you're a paedophile, or that you've suddenly lost the capacity to control yourself elsewhere. That's a logical fallacy (fallacy of composition, I believe, though I need to look it up), and a hugely dangerous one.

Why is it dangerous? Well, it's all about language. Elsewhere on the boards I said something about how using the word sadistic to cover every murder that's cross-gender means it changes the meaning of the word. Now, if I say I'm a sadist, people will consciously or unconsciously connect that to murderers and rapists. That's the power of language. However, again, there are murderers and rapists who would not be diagnosed as sadists, and there are sadists like me who would never dream of doing anything nonconsensually- a is not equal to b.

Back to adult babies. Even in the cases where adult babies and adult kids get together to play with each other, it's not inherently a sexual thing. It's a return to innocence. It's freedom from responsibility. It's feeling taken care of. And I'll say, while professionally most of the clients asking for adult baby are het men, in SF most of the adult babies and adult kids I know are women, by a LONG shot. And yes, they have play dates together. In fact, the adult babies I know are very aware of their surroundings and what others might think-

"My Daddy and i went to the playground this morning. It was a little earlier than we thought all the real babies would be out so i dressed up. Daddy put me in Bambinos and a school girl outfit. I just didn't want to be in baby clothes in case someone brought their real little kids. And since it's easy for me to pass for 12 (more than acceptable to still be on the playground) i figured a school outfit would be good. I also brought my new bear Pineapple which Miss Katie bought me. I love pineapple. He went on all slides with me and on the swings. Good thing no one else was on the playground because you could easily see i was wearing a diaper when i was on the swings and on the slides."- from Diapered Kitten

Not only is there no interest in children, there's a fear of being AROUND children!

As for would you leave your child in the room with an adult baby... well, would you leave them in a room with a strange adult man, regardless of what he was into or wearing..? Again, it's a logical fallacy (confusing correlation and causation, this time?)- I would argue that most of you wouldn't leave your kid alone with a strange man, even taking sexuality out of the equation entirely! And even if you put it back into the equation- I think you'd feel just as iffy about leaving your kid in the same room while you gave a blow job or someone crossdressed. It's not the adult baby thing as much as whether you think your child should be around sexuality in general.

Linzi, Sexy Hannah... I understand it squicks you and it's not your thing. But it's not true, fair, or even respectful to turn around and say that those of us who HAVE engaged in this don't know what we're talking about when we say it's not a sexual thing. It's like Harriet Harman telling us that she knows all about sex work cause she met a streetwalker once, or read a paper on it. Not that I would suggest Harman go into sex work ::laughs:: she'd do pretty poorly, but I do think that people who have done this sort of thing and explored/studied it are in more of a position to say what it's about than someone making a value judgment.

And what I REALLY don't want to see happen is this board become a place to bash people with fetishes that they keep between consenting adults. Not your thing, that's ok, but is there really a need to therefore insult people into it?

(logical fallacies info)"