I was reading Calico's older blog about coming out into the scene, and figuring out who you are, and what you're into, along with thinking about if kink is a sexual orientation or not. I get asked that a lot at work.
"You learn to turn the childhood ban on “no” around. You love your “no” utterly, foolishly, rather like your parents must have loved that child. And that gives you back your “yes,” the option of asking for things for yourself.
“If you’re _____ you’ll know.” Fill in the the blank: gay, straight, submissive, dominant, even in love. But it’s not a matter of always knowing your place, and selfishly wanting to annex someone else’s territory. You’ve never known your place, if you have even one.
Now that you can ask, what do you ask, anyway? At what point are you grown up enough to know?"
Are you ever? I still don't know. I change, I shift, I grow into things I never would have imagined or dreamed possible.
But upwards. Always upwards.