I considered adding this into the last blog, as it's directly related, but I figured I could best expand on this in its own entry.


I was reading a bit about how people became Mommies and Daddies in this scene, and came across this statement from a switch into the adult baby thing:


" I always did kinda look at the mommy daddy thing a bit oddly cause more so for littles I just cant see the.. reciprocation of care and love and effort. Too many just plan on one day living where they don't have to work, feed themselves, dress themselves, or ANYTHING. Then somehow think that just their presence and smile to the other pays them back for completely saddling their life on another.. How is this not the most self centered idea on the planet?  I mean most of us know its hard enough for us to support our OWN life, and even though we akin it to real parents well at least at that point we are passing on OUR VERY GENES in most cases, and are only doing it in any case for a temporary period that even still is hard for most.. "


When I read this, again, something clicked for me. 


Ah yes. Resentment. 


While with bdsm, I can find ways to get my submissive to do things for me that make my life easier (mostly service related, which I kink hard for anyway), and with petplay there's a give-take that comes from being amused by kittenish antics/training ponies/playing fetch with a puppy, with the AB thing it seems... well, like having a kid. Take take take. How can it not be? I mean, I suppose if you have a toddler you can assign them chores, but god, I do not want to deal with an adult having a tantrum. And then... well, you're expected to feed them, bathe them, amuse them, take care of them, change them, clothe them... ffs! I think I'd get cross rather quickly, though mad respect to the people out there who truly enjoy being in that role all the time. Is it "it's own reward"? Really? And the thing is, an adult baby STAYS THE SAME AGE. They're never going to start doing these things themselves while in role. They'll never go to school and give you a break. Is there a support group for AB parents..?


Ok, ok, I know. An adult baby doesn't have to be in role 24-7, and god knows my pup isn't like that. But I can guarantee that's part of my emotional rebellion against this type of play- I don't want to have to be the responsible one in my sex life all the time, along with in my day to day life. I feel like I tend to be the person with the answers a lot, and I don't want that to bleed into my bedroom too! I'm glad that the pup gives us space to switch and as I explore this kink I've been the one spending a lot of time as the little girl which has given me space to begin to get it a little more.


This echoes a lot my experience as a female submissive. I would say 95% of my time as a female submissive was spent as, basically, a fuckhole. My sexual pleasure didn't enter into it in the slightest- and to fulfill my "role" "appropriately" I was expected to take what I was given and be grateful for it. But I wasn't. I was furious. The maledoms I met weren't interested in a relationship they were interested in a personification of their kink. And frankly, when I've been on forums for AB/DL stuff asking questions to try to figure out how to do this caregiving thing all I've gotten in response is a lot of "THIS IS MY KINK APPEASE IT NAO" messages that irk me. 


But you know what? That has very little to do with the AB kink, when I stop and think about it, though some kinks are more prone to it I expect. You get submissives who are total do me queens and you get Dom/mes who tell you that it's not about you so you'd better learn to get off on what they give you. It's just one of those ways that kink is broken- we're all so desperate to have our kink make manifest that we forget that we're doing this shit with someone else, who has their own kinks. Again, I think I enjoy service submission because I see very clearly how it can be done in a way to make everyone happy and relaxed- I can see how it's made fair, especially as I tend to have my service submissives contracted, so the guidelines and agreements are all laid out and discussed ahead of time.


So then- if you don't get off on being a caregiver, if it isn't its own reward for you, how do you make it interesting for yourself? There must be parents out there who have had to learn this. Maybe I should read more about post-partum depression... 


And then there's the question- if this isn't my kink now, is there anything to be gained by analyzing my feelings about it and exploring my processes? Should I just give up, or should I keep exploring, and seeing if there's anything in it for me? I always had that attitude of "how can you know unless you try it" but at the same time the various personal issues this kink has stirred up in me has the pup wishing he never told me about it at all. How can I be true to myself, and figure this out, without making him feel like I think he's fucked up and weird?


And, really, how can I stop feeling fucked up and weird myself? Cause frankly, both these blogs boil down to the one looming feeling that I actually lack important human empathy, and that my choice to not breed isn't a choice so much as knowledge that I lack the ability to connect to other people in any meaningful way. And wouldn't that be trite- the sex worker who can't emotionally connect, who "cannot love"...

I've worn a diaper, once.


It was for this charm bracelet I have, where each charm symbolizes some kinky act. I don't even remember what the charm was I earned, actually- but the task was to ride my bike with my boyfriend at the time to dinner and a movie ("Paris, je t'aime", from what I recall) and then back to his flat, and I was told I was not allowed to go use the bathroom once while we were out. I remember being embarrassed by the crinkliness of it, certain that everyone around me knew EXACTLY WHAT WAS GOING ON, which of course was totally false, and the point of the exercise in the first place. I didn't pee in the diaper.


A big reason I didn't is because I wet my pants until I was about 10. I'm not sure why, really- I just always had really shitty bladder control. I remember peeing myself at a karate lesson, which was horrible, and again in third grade in front of my class. I was always terrible at minding the warning signs! So I have a lot of trauma around wetting myself. When I had a friend who wanted me to wet my jeans, I just couldn't, and gave myself a cramp because I just couldn't do it. Here in the UK, I have a hard time peeing in a carpeted bathroom. Every once in a while even now I almost don't make it to the toilet in time. This is, of course, something that has always carried a lot of shame with it, and something I've not really told people before. 


I was never the sort of little girl who had baby dolls. I had American Girl dolls, and I liked them, but I liked the books a lot more, and didn't end up playing imagination games with them much. I tended to focus on playing lawyer or vet with my cats as clients, or playing mad scientist in the school playground. I played Salem Witch Trials with my Barbies, and was way more interested in animals than human babies.


I've always been dimly aware of the adult baby community, more thanks to the ageplay community in San Francisco, but I haven't really engaged in it. I did a little bit of Daddy/girl play here and there, and I had a session once in which I played a mummy role (which was horrifying) but, hell, I hang out with the Burning Man community- doing colouring books, watching Disney, playing in playgrounds, etc are pretty normal for them. I never felt a need to regress, to really play the role of a little girl, as I could basically go in and out of that role all the time. I mean, I was a girl who dressed like a fairy for work when I used to work at Hot Topic.

Then I met my boy. And he's really into the adult baby thing- nappies, onesies, romper suits, pacifiers, the whole shebang. To be honest, when he first told me I panicked inside- I don't like REAL babies, how on earth could I provide space for an adult wanting to regress?? Then I thought about it, considered that one of my Domme archetypes is a 5 year old spoiled brat, and that I got into kink as a psychological thing thanks to a lover who regressed to about 4 or 5 when I beat him enough, and realized that ageplay was something I got, just not babies. And then I realized further that what threw me, ultimately, was that it WASN'T sexual for him. I get it, as a kink- age regression equals a type of submission very much like pet play, where someone else is in control of you, where you depend on them, and I mean, it's taboo, so there's an appeal there.

But that's not what it is, for him. It's about putting on the bib and the onesie and crawling around gurgling to yourself and playing with your feet. Like a real baby. And I have no idea what to do with that. I mean, when I'm around a real baby I generally just shift uncomfortably, make the appropriate "aww, how cute" noises and escape as soon as I can. I can handle kids when they can speak, but before then I'm so perplexed. I'm like a cat that drowns her first litter because she has no idea how to mother them.

This is my boyfriend, though. I love him. I want to play at the supportive parental figure sometimes, for him. But god, I'm not practiced with babysitting, and what if I laugh, and if I'm the "parent", I can't just run away if it's just too awkward! I also wonder if I'm going to end up processing my own mentalisms about family and having kids and my own determination that spawning would be the worst possible idea for me.

Or maybe it'd be really healing. I have no idea.

But the problem I keep having is that NO ONE talks about this sensibly, really. I've messaged a few people on Fetlife who do the Mummy thing, and no one writes back. Daddies? There's lots of support for Daddies. But Mummies seem to be scarce, and when I ask questions about what they do, and if they've been where I am now, there's no answer, or I just get a mailbox full of badly written emails asking if I want a 24-7 nappy-wearing baby who's in his mid forties. Frankly? No I do not.

(side note- there are an awful lot of really hot young boys into this. That is, sort of, an incentive to figure out what my block is around it.)

I feel a bit like I have post-partum depression- anxious, guilty, overwhelmed, confused. I mean, I worry all the time if my lack of a maternal instinct is some sort of failing, not as a woman, but as a human being. Thankfully I'm working this out with a lover who is actually my age and can therefore reassure me that I'm not mentally fucked up because I'm struggling with this.

What's interesting is that I can get into the gear- the big cribs, the clothes, the cuteness. I love the activities- going to museums or the zoo, drinking apple juice, playing games, etc. What keeps getting me stuck is the fear that I am not actually a human who can connect with spawn of any kind. I already have weird issues with snuggling and touchy-feelyness, I'm pretty awkward at physical comfort. And if that was by choice I would be ok with it, but it doesn't feel chosen, it feels like some sort of weird trauma reaction where I just recoil instinctively. I have no idea why.

I don't have the same worries as the little girl, either. I'm more and more comfortable with that. Hell, I still sleep with a blankie and Mr Gordo. Who'm I to judge, really?

I'm sure I'll keep pondering this and trying to figure out what I actually feel about it. I'll revisit this again at some point, I'm sure. Til then... I'll just go back to my tentacle rape, furries, splosh, and genderqueer Daddy smut. You know, NORMAL stuff. ;)

Well, incredibly quickly- I won my erotic award for Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society. :) I'm very pleased about it, and hope to get back into it soon. I miss having a space for women to enjoy porn without it being a sexual environment.

Anyway. That's not ultimately what I wanted to blog about. I have a couple rolling around in my brain, but, first things first.

My boypup is going on a play date with someone tomorrow- the first time he's been on a date with someone where play is on the agenda. Meanwhile, I've had clients, and had two sexual encounters personally... yet I'm the one who's struggling here.

It took TM to tell me something that really clarified my fear-based jealousy- she said "the pup isn't Sh. He loves YOU, not the kink you do for him. He cares about you, not the kink".

I hadn't realized it, but that's what's making me mental. Yes, despite being nonmonogamous, I am a mentalist about sharing my boy. Now, this is a platonic playdate for the pup to try out one of his big fetishes- adult baby. It's not something I'm definitely into- I'm curious, certainly, but I don't feel like I have a maternal bone in my body (and the whole AB thing is for another blog anyway- I kinda discussed it a while ago, too, if you're curious). But I think I have a terror that pup's attraction to me IS because he's into the kinks I'll do. It's silly, because we do a lot more than kinky play. But it's definitely damage from Sh, who ultimately was into the kink- I was incidental. And I know how huge it is to finally get to do a kink you know you're into, you've just never found someone else into it. I'm scared he'll realize that his kink for AB is more... substantial than his love for me.

I've had all the reassurances, and we're going to get together after his playdate to talk about it. I don't really fear that the other woman he's going to play with will steal him away, for multiple reasons. I guess it's really about the play. I half wish I was into it, and could be a mommy type, but it's just not in me. And I think, in a lot of ways, it's better for him to do it with someone else, as I'd worry it would negatively impact our day to day relationship. I just feel incredibly nervous and a bit sad.

The pup is not Sh. I know that. I can't even begin to explain how lovely and loving the pup has been while I fussed and flailed around nonmonogamy and our relationship and what I need to feel safe. I'm not always sure how to respect my past experiences without punishing the current situation. I can't pretend Sh didn't fuck me up emotionally. All I can do is try to take care of myself, and know I can't and don't want to be everything to my boypup. And trust him.

I suck at trust. ::sigh::

Also, I have to say how much I completely HATE that the boypup doesn't seem to get jealous about relationship stuff. I sleep with other people, and he feels glad I'm having a nice time. Which, logically, is lovely, but emotionally drives me batty- I can't give him a point of reference, can't say "you know that time you felt insecure because of that other guy?", because that doesn't happen. So instead I feel like I'm constantly the mentalist, constantly feeling weird and uncertain and twitchy. It's never overemotion shared, just me spazzing out on my own.

But I do love him, and I want him to be happy, and I can sleep with other people, so it's only fair he has a playdate. The world won't end. I know that. All I can do really is close my eyes and jump in, hoping for the best. I feel ridiculous, as I've been doing this poly shit for years- yet sometimes I feel like I'm completely naive.

What do you do when you know you're being completely unreasonable but you still feel mental and scared and lost?

I was asked on that lovely site formspring this question, which I get asked fairly often:

As an ethically non-monogamous/polyamorous individual who is also a sex worker, how do you feel about potentially enabling someone to cheat on their spouse?

Following on the heels of my last post about home... see my room for yourself!

I'm very excited to say I'll be in Time Out London this week, April 29th. Squee!

In addition, I'll be interviewed by Sarah Grimstone on Thursday- will update with link, if there is one.

And I'm up for an erotic award for my brainchild, the Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society, on Friday! Wish me luck!

That is all. For now.

I'm a little punk rock. Just a bit- enough that I've dumper dived, and sat on the corner asking for spare change, and I've gotten into questionable political activism, survived within underground economies, done urban exploration, shit like that. But there's one thing that always prevented me from squatting, and made me hate couchsurfing.

Mpreg. Short for male impregnation, sometimes seen in the news or in sci-fi fantasy but more often seen in smut, particularly slash smut.

I desperately wish it was real.

I've never expected myself to be a mother. I never imagined carrying a child- it's just not something that ever crossed my mind with anything more than a faint squick. And part of it is, I think, my desire to be contrary- I HATE people telling me that as I get older I'll change my mind, because of course as a woman I'm basically a breeding mare with no other big goals in my life- or, if I have goals, they have to fit around my imminent desire to whelp. Even if my body starts giving me baby dreams and twinges, all I have to do is look at a Real Live Baby and remind myself that I don't actually hold much interest in them, certainly no patience, and while I support my friends having kids, of course, if they want, I really strongly doubt it's for me.

And I'm reminded of this every single fucking time I'm in a relationship with a boy.

Because now there's that whole issue of enjoying the freedom of trusting someone enough to get tested, and have unprotected sex with them. Being fluidbonded. Never mind that condomless tends to be easier for me, as my body doesn't self-lubricate much and I tend to suck up water based lube like it's going out of style, creating a constant fear of condom breakage (something I deal with sometimes at work, the fear I mean- I just use up lots and lots of lube!) And what comes with that desire to do without condoms? Another form of birth control. And here's where I get incredibly cranky.

Why do I have to choose between putting insane amounts of hormones in my body, hormones that cause me to be weepy, overemotional, and, in my experience, have abnormal pap smears consistently- or, an IUD, which will potentially give me heavier, more painful periods, along with being incredibly invasive? Oh, right, because I'm the motherfucking girl, and therefore if I want to have condomless sex I have to suffer for the privilege. WTF.

What particularly sucks is that puppy would make a much better mother than I would. He could do the healthy eating habits, caring for a newborn, breastfeeding, etc... if mpreg was possible. But sadly, it isn't. So we'd be stuck- I, the highly motivated one, who has a physical job in which I need my body, would be laid low if I happened to get pregnant, leaving him, the less motivated one as the breadwinner. If we decided to see it through that is (not that we would, to be honest- we're both too poor for that, and I'm hugely uncertain about my thoughts on the whole thing).

Additionally, he's said how he wishes there was something other than the permanence of vasectomy when it comes to male-controlled birth control. I agree. I wish he could get copper jammed inside his testes and suffer every month or some crap and thus take all this off of me. I hate having to worry every time I have sex "what if this time..?" Especially using condoms and not being on the pill- if one broke at work, god help me.

Fuck you, seahorses and your easygoing mpreg. Fuck you to hell.

Well, as per usual, it's been a while since I've blogged, and I'll be posting a few blog entries today to make up for lost time. The events will not be in order, but hey ho.

The main thing is, of course, Kinky Salon London, the event I'm now semi-in-charge-of here in the UK (there's one, the original, in San Francisco as well)- a labour of love, truly, and one I'm pleased about on an event level, though that's not what this blog is about.

What this blog is about is about relationships. It's about trust. It's about jealousy, and practicing what you preach, and being in the moment, and emotional management, and and and.

I've discussed before open relationships, and definitely had my struggles with monogamy, polyamory, nonmonogamy and all variations in between. KSL was my first sex party with the puppy, and it was... well, intense. It was definitely "another fucking opportunity for growth". And it's all ok now, things have been sorted, but I felt I wouldn't be fully representing things if I didn't blog about the experience. So, here goes.

The puppy is kind of new to sex parties with a girlfriend, and I made some assumptions as to what proper couple sex party etiquette was. Additionally, I'm new to being a primary and a girlfriend, really, with someone who sees me as such. So fucking around at a party was great- in theory.

Theory. Not so much in practice.

Basically, long story short, I had a moment when I was done working the event and was ready to play, and I looked for the puppy, and found him- naked, with another couple, far from reach. And it killed me inside. And I hated him, for not asking me first, or checking in, and myself, for freaking out as much as I did- I mean, I'm into all this, right? I have a girlthing/pony, so it's only fair, right?

(Cue TM telling me "fair does not always mean equal".)

It took two or three days for me to get over it, really, and a lot of space, and time to think. We almost broke up, twice. I reconsidered if, given the chance to be a primary, I could actually handle sharing- as a secondary, it was easy, but as a primary, was it too much? What were my issues around it all really? I mean, with my work, I'm not really able to be monogamous, so how was I going to be able to handle being the Good Girlfriend when my work involved me fucking other people and yet seeing my puppy doing it made me feel sick?

Well, I figured I can't be the only poly chick to deal with this INSANE JEALOUSY BEAST, so I thought I might give you all a rundown as to what we decided- maybe it'll help you, too.

-I realized I don't want to be google calendared in. I don't want a relationship where we have to pencil in slots of time to see each other, especially not as a primary. I want and need room to move, room to spend extra time, room to relax without looking at the clock. I've been the one overbooked before, like with H, and I don't want to do that again, to anyone- and I definitely don't want it done to me.

-I realized that I need time to feel secure in a relationship. I have an insane fear of abandonment, that has a lot to do with my tendency to hurt people before they hurt me. I haven't really learned to trust a lover, yet. And I need time to figure out what being a primary means, and what I'm ok with, and what I'm not.

-I realized I genuinely enjoy watching puppy play with others, but I like to be involved/invited. Part of this is my own jealousy of him- he gets play offers all the time, from cute girls and couples, and I haven't gotten that same sort of attention, so I'm being bitchy. It's not fair, sure, but there it is. As of the writing of this, we've had an amazing couple of threesome/foursome experiences with some great people, and I feel more ok about that the more comfortable I feel about the other people involved- and their attraction to me. I hate feeling like I'm the tolerated extra.

-I realized I want to be asked. I want to have the option of opting out, or coming along. Especially if I'm working, I might not be able to come play as well, but I want first dibs! The thing that got to me more than anything, and that made me hate my head weasels, was feeling like I was getting sloppy seconds, and I should either stop whining and take it or let it go.

-I realized I feel much better when I know that the other people involved like me and respect our relationship. Knowing the people involved really helped, and the better I know them, the more ok I am with it.

-I realized that one of the things that always gets to me is how fucking hard it is for me to get off on sexual activity. Especially as I don't get wet, often. So in a threesome or moresome, my enjoyment is completely dependent on how comfortable I feel saying what I like and don't like, and how long I feel comfortable letting them try. I often end up feeling like, as my orgasm is so tricky, that it's easier and better to just do unto others and leave it at that. But I'll feel disappointed, getting others off and not myself, and frustrated with my body that seems to dislike easy orgasms unless I'm alone. It starts off this whole head weasel thing of body issues, where I yell at myself for being so difficult, and not knowing myself well enough, and questioning if maybe I DO know myself and I'm just hella complex past explaining to anyone else. It says a lot that the lovers I adore and look forward to playing with most are ones who just instinctively know how to finger or fuck me that will make me cum, over and over again.

We're stronger than ever now, puppy and I, and I am endlessly grateful to Syph, and Ta, and TM, and G, and T&A, for stroking my head through it and telling me that asking for what I want is NOT crazy and I should give it all some time for us to calm down before making any decisions on the whole thing. Puppy and I talked a lot, and tears were shed, and barriers broken, and now I feel better about saying when I feel jealous and what I need in terms of reassurance. I need to know I'm the special one for a while, to let trust build. And compromises can, and are, and will be made.

Ultimately what I learned through the whole ordeal is that we really do love each other. And more to the point, we love each other enough to commit to figuring these things out as we go.

And finally- FINALLY- I'm not a GFE. I am a real, honest-to-god girlfriend. It's terrifying, and new.

And I fucking love it. Even when it hurts.

As a child, growing up to pagan, feminist, socially aware parents, I remember hearing this song by Christine Lavin, that gently poked fun at the new, 90's trend in "sensitive new age guys" in a call-and-response song- I particularly recall this bit:


Christine: "who's concerned about your orgasm?"
(music trails off)

Christine: "hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, I thought you guys said you were sensitive?"
One of the men: "Well, Christine, we're sensitive..."
Said in unison by all the guys: "..but we're not THAT sensitive!"


I still remember all the lyrics, even though I haven't heard this song for YEARS!


It was one in many ways I noticed how even the more alternative types of masculinity- the stay at home dad, the longhaired pagan, the geek- were still constrained to behave in certain ways. Talking about your feelings? Still weird. Cuddling with your platonic friends? Nope. Crying? Still awkward! And this is among a bunch of people who are already out of the socially acceptable loop. Guys who do these things are then, of course, called emo and/or fags, and dismissed as silly.


I was thinking about this and how it pertains to misandry.


Warren Farrell says:


"In the past quarter century, we exposed biases against other races and called it racism, and we exposed biases against women and called it sexism. Biases against men we call humor."


I kind of agree. I think it's possible to be a feminist without being misandrist. I like Farrell's idea of a gender transition movement, away from classic constraints of gender roles. I agree that "In the past, neither sex had power; both sexes has roles: women's role was raise children; men's role was raise money." I think that's true now, too. 


It's interesting, the idea of "power" and of "choice". I feel, generally, like I have a lot of power- social and sexual power for sure, if not always financial. The fact it's often more of a struggle to get financial power as a woman is frustrating, definitely. But when I look at guys I've dated in the past, often their social power and/or sexual power is limited by cultural constraints. And yes, I do see that often financial power overcomes these other obstacles, but it doesn't make it any less worth noting.


I see this in my work. Women who do this work are often portrayed culturally as victims, damaged, desperate- but the clients are SO MUCH WORSE. They're socially backwards, emotionally fucked, weird perverts and asshole cheats. They're seen as more desperate, often as beasts unable to contain their sexual urges. And that's lame. That's not only inexcusable because it encourages men to blame their libido instead of take responsibility, but it also seems to say to men that without financial power, and some social power, you have absolutely no sexual power. You're worth as much as your bankroll. 


Maybe I have so much empathy for guys because I've always had lots of guy friends, and most of them are feminists. Maybe it's because I see what patriarchy does to men every day I have a booking and they beg to let go of this enforced "power". Sure, patriarchy favours men, but at what cost? Can we not acknowledge the harm it does to men as well as women and genderqueers, and form a united front against it, for all our sakes?


Or is that too "sensitive"...?

So it seems we haven't gotten over the happyfuntime that is blaming the victim, according to this article over at the Beeb. And does it surprise anyone that women are far less forgiving than men, really?


::sigh:: From the article:


"Of the women who believed some victims should take responsibility, 71% thought a person should accept responsibility when getting into bed with someone, compared with 57% of men." 


This is horrifying but doesn't surprise me at all. I've found that women tend to be the worst about justifying why other women have been sexually assaulted. I wonder if on some level it's a strategy for emotional walls- being able to say "oh, that wouldn't happen to me, because I don't do _____ like she did" might provide an illusion of safety, and keep that nice tidy idea of "nice girls behave this way, bad girls behave this way" in place. 


What I found interesting was this quote:


"And one in five adults had been in a situation where they were made to have sex when they did not want to. This had happened to more women (23%) than men (20%)."


Not a huge percentage difference there, though because of the mental mindfuck rape is, who knows how many women and men didn't consider sex lacking explicit consent (for example, under the influence) as rape. I mean, if I counted every time I had sex with, say, a date, or a boyfriend, when I didn't want to as rape... I don't know, that's kind of scary. I'm pretty in touch with myself, and I couldn't say if that counts to me as rape or not. I've certainly felt like I owed someone sexual activity after a date, or because we're in a relationship, or because I've said no for a while. When does cajoling become rape, and where is the line between being raped and just not saying yes..?


What makes me more angry is some of the horrible sexual assault prevention tips that are given out BY THE FUCKING POLICE. Or how about this ad by cabwise- one of which is right down the street from me and triggers me every time I see them? Why can't we focus on positive messages for men about how consent is sexy instead of striking fear into the hearts of women so they can't HELP but fall into the "Schrödinger’s Rapist" trap? And when the fuck are we going to stop making rape and sexual assault out to be something sexy and edgy in fashion magazines? I'm all about consensual non-consent in a kinky scene, sure, but when advertisements like this are around people pick up on those messages without even thinking about them. Gah.


I'd write more, but I'm kind of pissed off and triggering myself.