Category / reflection

Post 1 to 10 of 61

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masochism and self harm

Calico, as usual, has spurred me into some thought about masochism, self-harm, and, of course, "Secretary", the movie that brought the two together. I was a self harmer. I have never been a masochist. To me, one could easily be a precursor to the other, and I'll explain that in a moment. But, call it my martyr complex- when I take pain in a kinky session, it's because I… View More

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"I'm a hooker" "No, you're a Dominatrix" "..?.."

It happens a lot. Someone politely asks me what I do for work, and I sit and look at them, trying to read them for what my response should be. Do I say hooker? Do I say escort? Dominatrix? Or do I not bother to field the whole sex work thing entirely and say something vague like admin or counseling? It's funny in a way, because when I say something like I'm an escort or a hooker some people around me are eager to correct me, to say… View More

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service submission

"What gift do you think a good servant has that separates them from the others? It's the gift of anticipation. And I'm a good servant. I'm better than good. I'm the best. I'm the perfect servant. I know when they'll be hungry and the food is ready. I know when they'll be tired and the bed is turned down. I know it before they know it themselves." -Gosford Park I harbor, among my darker secrets, a desire for a ladies… View More

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Sucking Mr Big

First, I would like to show you guys a cute video... it's a group called Carrotmob and their way of promoting energy efficiency in local businesses. I'd embed it but that doesn't seem to work... Anyway. Watch it. It's one of those types of videos that makes you say "wow! So I can use my consumerism to actually affect change in the ways I… View More

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"for I have no mercy to offer you "

Looking back over my writing from the past 5 years I am astounded at some of the things I articulated. Some of them hold true, even now, though I'm no longer depressed enough to write poetry like I used to. There are snippets I can smile at, here and there, and I just think "oh, yes..." Things like "for I have no mercy to offer you ". It was like that two nights ago. I was tipsy, which is generally not the place where I start a… View More

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also: question: has escorting changed you?

This was a question posted on one of my favorite forums: has escorting changed you, personality-wise? Yes, I think it has. Mostly in good ways. Sexually: yes, I've changed. I've become more confident, better at saying "I like it when you do this" and "no, don't do that, try this way", and better at holding to my boundaries. I'm much better at saying no. I'm also better at saying when something is… View More

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love dries up even faster than sperm

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something… View More

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" Once you've come out as a pagan bisexual married leather dyke..."

"...everything else in life is that much easier" The above is from the Calligraphic Button Catalogue, which always has lovely badges that say anything I want to but with more wit and fewer words. I find that I tend to attract people who are on a Quest. A Quest for identity, a Quest for self, and what that self wants, who they are, what they need to thrive. Oftentimes, this Quest (I… View More

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serotoned in California

I don't know if I wrote about this, but I got a tattoo before I left London. Nepetalactone, the active ingredient in catnip. Well, tomorrow I get serotonin and ether on myself. The main one, for me, is serotonin, a chemical I have struggled… View More

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things? they don't actually suck.

After having written my last blog, I've thought a lot about what's been going right in my life. Cause, well, it's certainly not all doom and gloom- it's actually quite lovely at the moment! I consider myself an incredibly lucky girl. -I've started "officially" dating Mo, as a Real Live Girlfriend. I adore him. He's incredibly supportive, sexy as all hell, sweet, caring, and I truly love him. He loves me back, and it scares me sometime… View More