So I haven't updated for a couple of weeks, in part because I've been really busy planning for upcoming events: this weekend's Cum & Glitter event, presenting at SXSW, doing a consent workshop in Austin, performing in Austin with Madison Young, tidying up my room before I leave, and, of course, tweaking details on this new website! Which, btw, check it out- I have banners now for link exchanges, some of my workshop offerings available, my various media work, and I've finally taken the plunge into having my Moonfruit content and my blogspot content in one place. I'm slowly going to migrate people from there to here... yay!
It's all super exciting, of course, but also incredibly exhausting.
Adding to that exhaustion is trying to keep up with all the Consent Culture work, both on the site and on Fetlife. It's been quite honestly traumatic to keep posting on there. I'm trying to take a step back, partially because I need time off, partially because I don't feel that white cisgendered women should be the only voices and I want to make space for other people to step up, though I also worry that taking a step back for myself will also involve a step (or 5) back for the entire project. In a way, I'm grateful that March is so busy for me in real life, because I'll be doing this work in person and it will hopefully be less aggravating than arguing on the internet.
It's hard to stay inspired and not burn out when most of my days are spent calling people out on their victim-blaming behavior, explaining what privilege is over and over again, and keeping up with the flurry of posts. I mean, it's exciting that this discussion is happening all over the kinky 'verse (and I mean all over- multiple countries, multiple states) but it also means that keeping up with some of the busted bullshit is a full time job. I don't want someone to introduce it in their community and be shut down, so I feel like I'm on alert 24/7. I mean, here's an example, posted by a middle aged male Dominant (I wish I could be surprised, but, no):
"This whole conscent things seems to be a huge pissing contest. Is it really that bad that all this commotion is going on? Don't people have better things to do with their time that worry about what is what and attacking one aother over small disaggreements and misunderstandings?
Its rather sad that people just cant act in a grown up manner and we need to analyize things like this. I see this as a case by case mild issue. These gropings do not happen that much. Far and few in between. I do not think that everyone should be putting THIS MUCH time into it. Seriously.... Get on with your lives!"
"I was non-conscentually poked in the ears today! I feel hurt, I feel violated, I feel powerless! Something MUST be done. This is aweful."
I can't wait for a day when I don't read something like this. One day, the idea that "rape is bad, less rape is good" will be universal. One day.
But I'm trying to cling to the positive. For every asshat that makes fun of this work or derails the conversation, there are more who are starting to ask questions they might not have asked before. And I'm trying to add self-care into my process so that it's not even more overwhelming to schedule and depressing to not have time for it. Like, for every 30 min I post online about consent I give myself 5+ minutes to look at humor sites and chat with friends about other stuff to keep me going.
Why do you think I'm so obsessed with My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic?