bright side

With the stress and confusion going on in my life, it's important to clarify that some things ARE going well, and that, in spite of the ups and downs, I am genuinely happy, or at least content, most of the time.

I consider myself quite lucky in some, even many respects. When I needed a place to stay before my stint catsitting, help was there for me both from my favourite client and Syph (who took time off an incredibly hectic schedule to help me). That was a huge stressor for me, and having it now relieved is, well, relieving in every sense. I feel like I can take a deep breath again. E was very helpful with getting the majority of my things to Essex at his new pub, where I have a room I can decorate and take refuge in. The as-yet unnamed boy and I got to play DDR and racing games, eat ice cream in Leicester Square and come back to the flat for toe-curling play. I got my overnight scene with G, complete with feline frolicks and some nice bruising (no tears yet, though he promises we'll keep trying... what'm I in for?) Flu has been lovely as well, popping by and keeping me company in the wee hours and keeping me motivated and not desperate. Mo's picking me up from the airport, even, so when I go back I'm delivered straight into the arms of someone I care about.

As for going out, I've been lucky there too. Syph and I went to TG last night, which was absolutely amazing. I've slagged off TG in the past as too stand-and-model S/m, and it is, but when that's why you're going that can be hella rad. And it was last night! So many gorgeous outfits and even more gorgeous people, including this sexy Polish boy that I keep running into, making out with, and never following up with. Which is kind of what makes it fun, really- there's that possibility, but it's drawn out now over maybe a year? and I only see him at parties. I met a lovely bespectacled girl in latex and a hot French boy... even got their details. It may've been the friendliest TG I've been to yet, and I loved it.

I got to check out the place I'm catsitting and it's lovely. The woman I'm doing it for is fantastic, really fun and interesting and I hope to get to know her better upon my return. And the cats! 3 fuzzy darlings that make me happy, as I miss being around kitties.

I'm stressed because I'm leaving, and whenever I leave the UK I don't want to leave regretting I didn't do this or that. I know that Syph and E will be there when I get back, in some capacity... I hope G will be, and as-yet-unnamed boy, but trying to take our interactions at face value and not get too invested, just in case. I keep telling myself that when I get back things will be more solid and I'll be able to take more time. I'm trying not to rush- Syph's made me aware of how quickly the passions in my life flare and fade, and that I need to slow down, something I think I'll find easier when I get back.

Deep breaths, and looking at the bright side. I'm not alone in the world, even though I may feel lonely sometimes. I'm loved, even if I'm not getting the sex I crave recreationally. And I'm cared for. Definitely. And I will sleep, cradled in that knowledge, which is comforting, always.

Be the first to comment

Post a comment