back in the UK- and what sex workers will do for free

So first order of business- after my Poland drama and my visa I was very stressed out about leaving the UK for Massachusetts, but I went anyway.

I almost didn't get back in.

When the cross-looking lady got a hold of my visa and saw I had been refused entry into the UK (due to my working as a volunteer) before she became even more pissy, questioning me on whether I was working illegally in other countries and how I was able to pay my way. While I'd love to be able to say "well, ma'am, I fucked a lot of people, actually" I kinda knew that wasn't the right answer and so left it alone. They couldn't find reason to hold me, and they let me go. Phew. I almost vomited, peed myself and started crying. That would probably damage my Domme cred.

So, all that out of the way, I'm back in the UK til late January. Well, that is, if I make it back after Thanksgiving in Poland, but we'll just cross our fingers that it won't be a problem.

My girlfriend mentioned something about Bitchy Jones' latest column. And I love Bitchy, I do. She often hits the nail right on the head of the things I dislike. But this time, I feel kind of irritated. It's probably because I'm tired, my housemate is possibly a serial killing psycho and I'm sad about having to go back to the States where sex work is illegal, but I'm irritated.

I'm irritated because Bitchy Jones seems to believe that if you get paid for domination you're not a twue dominant woman. And fair enough, I know this industry well and I know that's true for a lot of women. Just like escorts are not always escorts because they just love sex with strangers. However- some do, and some dominant women get paid to do what they love. For me, I get paid to practice techniques so I can them whip them out in front of my lovers and look impressive. That's pretty sweet- I get paid to play with demo bunnies. The fact I get paid shouldn't and doesn't invalidate the experience or the honesty of the play I do.

Yeah, I'm a sex worker. That's my job. I'm queer and a kinky Top. I'm that regardless of my work. It's a separate thing. Yeah, currently, they work together pretty well, but I'm still queer and a kinky Top when I'm an admin or when I'm an unemployed student. Being queer and kinky and dominant is my sexual orientation, or part of it. Being a sex worker? It's a job. One doesn't cancel out the other.

What will a sex worker do for free? The things she wants to make time for, that's what.

I'm irritated at the implication that if you're working as a sex worker that you don't ever stop working- that any kind of socializing is considered work. It's fair enough to not want to go out of your way to hang out with sex workers, but, um, we don't tell our friends and family that to hang with us they have to pay up. In fact that was my method for changing my dynamic with TB- I told him if I got to do what *I* wanted, things that were MY turn ons, he wouldn't have to pay me. Now, he's a sweetie of mine. And for the record? I'm not his bottom. And I enjoy buying him things. Except with both him and the girlfriend, I like to buy them things that make them uncomfortable and squirmy and then subject them to it, but never mind.

When you pay for a sex worker, you pay for her to take time away from her life to spend time focusing on you. You don't pay for her orgasm or even her real enjoyment- some give it, some don't. You're paying for her time, and her attention.

If I got paid to have sex with my sweeties I would do that, for sure, but I don't, so I work. Guys email me and I decide who has fantasies that seem like fun and gives me a chance to work on my rope skills or fear play techniques. I take time away from blogging and reading LOLcats and taking walks and doing boring mundane stuff and hot sexy stuff to spend time with a client. That's how jobs work- I know a lot of my artist friends would love to be paid to create when they felt like it and whatever they like, but that doesn't feed them so they do graphic design or courtroom drawings to pay the bills and fund their passion. They take time away from their art for art-for-pay. I get paid to take time away from my sweeties to play with someone new. That's how it goes. For some it's glamorous and exciting and for others is freelancing.

With all that said- I work to live, not the other way round. When I'm off the clock I'm doing the things I like best and enjoying... well, enjoying things that deserve their own blog post, actually, later. I don't put the crop down when the whistle blows and go home to a nice "normal" man or suddenly become a bottom or some other shit.

I feel passionately about a lot of the same things Bitchy writes about. I just sometimes feel saddened that my admiration and respect and validation is one sided. I wish she knew I existed too. It's bad enough when the rest of the world figures I'm either exploited or a nympho pervert (in a bad sense). When writers like Bitchy that I respect and like make me feel like I have to defend my desires... that saddens me.

Anyway. Much more fun things to blog about but that will have to wait cause I flew in yesterday morning and, well, the fun things didn't lead to a whole lotta sleep. ;)

Be the first to comment

Post a comment