Category / personal

Post 71 to 80 of 271

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intimacy

Calico, as usual, says things that not only turn me on immensely but also speak to me and inspire me to say more... this time, it was her post on deepthroating: "I love challenging sex, like deepthroating and… View More

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all you can do is wait.

"Patience is a virtue". I can't begin to describe how often I hear this and how much I fight against it, but I know it to be true. It's a virtue I haven't possessed and something I'm constantly struggling to learn. Patience. Currently I'm waiting on the visa decision for a tourist visa. I want to go back to London to visit my fiance, and due to being refused… View More

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sex is business and business is... well, none of yours

Sitting here in the Berkeley hills, hanging out at my grandmother’s house, I feel frustrated. Frustrated because my application for my visa can’t mention what I do for work, or even that I’m employed- why? Because my work is socially stigmatized- it’s more socially acceptable for me to be unemployed than a sex worker. What the fuck. I’m always trying to explain how I view sex work like any other work, at least for myself. At… View More

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libido lethargy

It’s been too long since I’ve had a bruise on my body that was sexyfuntimes related, instead of just due to my own clumsiness. I missed the joy I would feel looking at the underside of my breast to discover little black and blue kisses, little reminders of orgasms hard won. I missed the desire that would overwhelm me, the slaps to my face that made me wonder how hard was too hard, the tears that would trickle out of my eyes,… View More

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new glasses, and seeing the world through them

No, they aren't rose-tinted. They're rather boringly clear, I hate to say, but with anti-reflective lenses, hurray for… View More

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actually, all the world is NOT a stage, and this isn't drama class.

I've recently had to hurt two people I care pretty deeply for in the interest of my personal sanity, and cutting the dramatic out of my life as much as I possibly can. I have no doubt in my heart it was the right thing to do, on both counts, but that doesn't make it any easier, really. First, I got my stuff at last from TB. Standing in his room, looking at him, I realized that either I didn't love him anymore, or that I had shut my… View More

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things? they don't actually suck.

After having written my last blog, I've thought a lot about what's been going right in my life. Cause, well, it's certainly not all doom and gloom- it's actually quite lovely at the moment! I consider myself an incredibly lucky girl. -I've started "officially" dating Mo, as a Real Live Girlfriend. I adore him. He's incredibly supportive, sexy as all hell, sweet, caring, and I truly love him. He loves me back, and it scares me sometime… View More

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exit, stage left

Today's metaphor: plugging something into a socket. You try it once, twice, three times, and it's unresponsive. Maybe it works, once, to give you hope, then not again. Then, you plug something in, cause, well, maybe this time it'll work, and it sparks and blows out the whole circuit. That was my night last night in S's flat, which I feel horribly guilty about, though a phone call from Mo (helpfully brought about by J) reassured me that… View More

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the two way mirror of sex work

I'm watching a movie called "City Rats" and thinking about how prostitution is portrayed in the media. It's a pretty good flick- beautifully shot, and one I would watch again, actually- but it has the same idea as many of them do, that of sex worker as either tragic figure or money-grabber, as damaged, as jaded, and bored. My impression of my work is that I am a two way mirror. Sometimes,… View More

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the dirty little secret

I think everyone has one of these. That little thing we don't want anyone to see, or hear, or know about. Psychological, physical, emotional... it could be Britney Spears on a hipster's ipod, or Gor in a feminist's bookshelf. For one lover, it was the thigh highs he stuck in the corner of his sock drawer... for another, it was the chest of toys and costumes he hid under his bed, meticulous about… View More