Category / personal

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love dries up even faster than sperm

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something… View More

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bear with me

I know I haven't been blogging as frequently as I used to- what with being sick, and the holidays, and moving back to California for a while, it's been hard to find space to write and things to write about. However, I'm likely to whip out a few entries between tonight and tomorrow, as I've come across a few things I want to blog while they're on my mind. So, gentle and not-so-gentle readers alike, bear with me as I write furiously to make up… View More

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emotional fences

There's a big difference between London and San Francisco when it comes to emotional boundaries. In London, it's a joke, but only half of one, when people discuss the British "stiff upper lip". You are encouraged to keep your eyes down and your mouth shut when it comes to the emotional side of things- it's ok to have feelings, as long as you keep them to yourself. This is particularly true if you're male, though it's not exclusive to… View More

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" Once you've come out as a pagan bisexual married leather dyke..."

"...everything else in life is that much easier" The above is from the Calligraphic Button Catalogue, which always has lovely badges that say anything I want to but with more wit and fewer words. I find that I tend to attract people who are on a Quest. A Quest for identity, a Quest for self, and what that self wants, who they are, what they need to thrive. Oftentimes, this Quest (I… View More

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hit and run

When I wrote my blog on "What IS Safe, Anyway", I hadn't been actually assaulted in my off/on 5 years of various types of hands on sex work. Well, a couple of nights ago, I was. It's interesting to me that the first thing I want to do is reassure people I'm not badly hurt, that I'm ok, that I'm angry and poorer for it but I'll be… View More

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Sex Work vs Sex Play

I've been thinking a lot about sex as work vs sex as play. I'd like to say it's an easy equation- when I'm having fun sex at home, the sex I have for work is more enjoyable, and I bring that energy back to my lovers, who send me back to work with a spring in my step that only copius, well-enjoyed orgasms can provide. But that's not always the case. Sometimes the fact I'm having fun sex with my lovers makes me feel more resentful… View More

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psychology and prostitution

I've been reading this book called "Voluntary Madness" by Norah Vincent. It's a fascinating look into the mental illness industry- I say mental illness because mental health is generally pretty low on the list… View More

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serotoned in California

I don't know if I wrote about this, but I got a tattoo before I left London. Nepetalactone, the active ingredient in catnip. Well, tomorrow I get serotonin and ether on myself. The main one, for me, is serotonin, a chemical I have struggled… View More

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beauty in the breakdown

It's been a while since I've blogged consistently here. It's been a period of change, hardcore- personal development on speed, mostly, relationship processing and reprocessing, acclimating to the Bay Area and the ridiculousness to be… View More

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getting back into the game

Hello, I'm Kitty. It's been 3 weeks since my last session. But I finally had one, last Friday. I had been unsure, going into it- even driving in the car, I kept feeling like maybe I should turn back, maybe I wasn't ready. I've spent the last few weeks here celibate, and not doing much more than snuggle or kiss- even my dates have been cautiously planned to be public affairs that will prevent too much physical intimacy, in case I… View More