This was put up on my wall, described thus- "in view of recent chat about safe words and consent, thought you may find this interesting Kitty? (not work safe) Award winning 7 min film tackles consent, safe words, feminist ideas and more...x"

I think Maggie and I may need to use this video when we present Safe/Ward in the future- will need to get in touch with the director about it. I feel like this illustrates how complicated safewords, partnerships, feminism, guilt, and gender issues can be- and even more so when you add altsex into the equation.

I particularly like the part where he clearly has a limit- he feels bad, he doesn't want to piss on her- and she's not hearing that limit either. And when he asked "how can I tell when it's "nooo Andrew, stooop" vs "NO ANDREW, STOP" and she says "well, when I say no, and it's about pee, don't stop, not ever". but like, how would be know for sure when it's about pee and when it isn't? And what if he's wrong?

Consent- it's fucking complicated! It's far more complex (or can be) than victim/violator, either you used a safeword or you didn't, yes and no.

Project Unbreakable is an amazing project on Tumblr I've just learned about where victims of sexual abuse can post a photo of themselves holding a quote from their attacker. It is INTENSE, so please, be ready for some incredibly triggering experiences, whether or not you've been abused yourself. At the same time, I feel like it's important to look, to really sit with the fact that these things happen, in real life, to real people, all the fucking time, often with someone they know and trust.

Consent Culture is not limited to the kinky community, though we have a lot in place that ought to help us make it easier to achieve. I think we need to spend more time exploring sexual assault in the world at large, to check our privilege and to think critically about our positions on the topic. I think we need to remember that while I don't think consent issues happen more in kink than anywhere else, I think that we have a good foundation to make it happen a lot less often- if we reflect and stop mimicking the behaviour of the sex negative community while saying we're sex positive.

Meanwhile, I have an EPIC amount of respect for Midori, who has written about an experience where she was doing suspension bondage and dropped her model-

The risk is that while a good scene can send you flying so high you think you’ll break right through the sky, a bad one can be devastating, and the devastation doesn't stop at the end of the evening. The emotional fallout can come at different stages and at different times, like any grief process.

That kind of trauma doesn’t fit easily in how we think about “sex positivity.” So much of our training and community values are based on being positive about sexuality that negative experiences get swept under the rug. There is too much at stake in a scene for us to pretend that with the proper invocations, everything will go right. If we are not ready for things to go wrong, we can’t be there for our friends and partners when a scene causes physical or emotional injury.

Perhaps the next stage in kink education needs to be training to respond to “Oh, shit!” situations, so that responses to crises in a playspace become as standard as knowing your safeword and packing EMT shears. But to go beyond even that, to start to discuss failed scenes openly and with compassion, we have to realize that the pain and consequences go deeper than we might first think. The loss of trust in partner and self can be deeper than any wound.

Even the best of responses is never perfect.

I admired Midori more than I could say for even writing this article, because it shows that we are fallible. We can have all the training and knowledge and practice in the world and things go pear-shaped anyway. And as she says, we need to start talking about failed scenes, about how you can do everything right and it still goes wrong, and we need to figure out what we're going to do as a community when that happens.

I was somewhat taken aback when a letter from the suspension bottom, Mistress Tokyo, came to light, however, suggesting that she perceived it as a lot messier and more awkward than originally presented. I think both people are expressing their own hurt fear and discomfort, and that it's important to listen to both sides:

The potential for human mistake in scenes is an unfortunate aspect of risky activities with consequences we must bear. This element is forgivable. It is how we deal with our mistakes though, that proves who we are. This is correct irrespective as to whether the situation is a private scene, professional session or public performance.

I find it unconscionable a Dominant/Top would not check in with a sub/bottom during an accident. I find it equally unthinkable a Top might choose to down-prioritize a bottom’s medical and emotional health for any reason. Neither of these two things constitute safe, sane play. I also believe a Top who can’t hold their own space emotionally during a worst case scenario incident is not a safe player.

This is an example of how the Top may feel they're doing the best they could do, and the bottom will feel it's not enough, and be valid in that feeling as well. As GrayDancer says in the comments, "The thing I say in that class is that we do not ever know how we will react to an event until it happens". No matter who you are.

This needs to spread like fire, burning away the brush so new growth can happen.

One of the things I keep hearing about abuse in the BDSM community is "oh, but that doesn't happen HERE". "I've never had something like that happen to me," some scoff, "so it must be something you're doing", or "I've never heard of that happening here". In each case, I have often had stories from people in those communities, unsure how to speak up or what to say locally, but feeling safe to discuss it with someone who will respect their anonymity and just listen.

I put together a blog carnival a while back using articles about BDSM and abuse written by prominent bloggers. But apparently, that's not enough. Since starting this discussion with Maggie, we have had many people come to us to confess their own stories, to say how yes, it does happen in their communities, but they're too intimidated to come forward. So I want to make space for them, and for you.

Do you have other stories of entitlement culture and abuse in your altsex spaces? Please, please share it with me, so we can band together and say yes, this happens, and no, it's not ok.

Email me links to blogs, miss dot kitty dot stryker at gmail, or send me an email with your story (700 words or less) and I will post it anonymously for you- I'd appreciate if you can share where you're from (as specific or not as you wish) and perhaps your age or gender to show the diversity of experience. You don't have to be a brilliant writer, you don't have to spellcheck, just share your story. I will post as many as I can on February 4th. I am committed to keep this a safe space, and will publish anything that maintains that space with respect.


You don't have to be silent anymore.

I was in San Francisco picking up nothing more exciting than a bag filled with a My Little Pony themed scarf I'm knitting for the boy when I figured I'd pop by the SSEX BBOX premiere. Held at the Center for Sex and Culture, it was a full house and a fabulous experience, giving us all a chance to watch two episodes of the SSEX BBOX documentary series. With voices from San Francisco, Sao Paolo, Barcelona and Berlin, it was really inspiring to see diversity reflected on the screen.

"We're very lucky to have a lot of dialogue about sex, but we're aware in the Bay Area that it's not the norm," one speaker, Therese Noël Allen, MA, MFT, said. "Sexual education is often anatomical, heteronormative. SSEX BBOX creates a platform to normalize as well as bring awareness about what's out there". This particular pair of films focused on sexual shame and our relationship to sexuality, both as children and as adults.

Some of the things said really stuck with me- I'll give a few examples-

"It's no longer about male or female- I want to have sex with gods!"

"Rather than look someone in the eye and say 'You're really attractive and I want to have sex with you', we flirt, we're indirect- what if we could put our sexual desires out on the table like we do our food desires?"

"Let's move beyond sex as a stigma or as a celebration to a place where sex just exists."

"We were all kids with sexualities, but it's taboo to talk about kids having sexuality."

"How can we expect kids to treat sex as natural if, when they catch us doing it, we react with shame and fear?"

"There's this idea that sex destroys innocence- we pass this shame along, because it's easier than healing our own trauma about sex and guilt."

I unfortunately didn't get a chance to catch the names of everyone who spoke, but you can watch some of the video clips on Vimeo, with more updates all the time. Here's episode 1 in English- it's also up in Portuguese:

[SSEX BBOX] EPISODE #1 (English) from SSEX BBOX on Vimeo.

 And you can follow SSEX BBOX on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr- I recommend you do so and see what they get up to next!

Introduction: Safe/Ward is getting to be rather a massive project, with a lot of posts, so if you're so inclined, please check out the other posts in the series:

-I Never Called it Rape
-I Wish I Could Use a Safeword on Rape Culture
-A What You Can Do Guide for Community Members
-A What You Can Do Guide for Community Leaders
-Blog Carnival #1
-This is Why I Speak Up
-Shadows (about one of my experiences)
-Guest Post: Sex-Negative Actions in Sex-Positive Communities

There's a Salon article out right now. Maybe you've seen it- "When Safe Words are Ignored", safewords being those things that help people doing play communicate their boundaries while play is taking place (often after some discussion about what's going to be happening). There's a great response to the article here, by a male feminist who goes by Snowdrop. Maggie Mayhem has also responded here.

Anyway, this article. It's been taking the kinky internet by storm, and there's a lot of backlash... again. Surprised? Not remotely, except perhaps at the fact that some of voices rebutting us the loudest are... well, you guessed it, pillars of the community, like respected author and presenter Janet Hardy.

Janet originally commented on a Bay Guardian piece about the consent culture fundraiser Maggie and I did last week. I was honestly kind of shocked about what she said-

A bottom who has withdrawn consent and is not safewording is abusing his or her top, by turning the top into a rapist without the top's consent.

Moreover, if you are a bottom who is unwilling or unable to safeword, you are not a safe bottom to play with, any more than a top who ignores a safeword is safe to play with. At minimum, you need to tell your top up front that you have this disability, so that your top can choose whether or not they're willing to take the chance of playing beyond your consent.

While I think that in some ways Janet and I agree- that part of the problem is bottoms not safewording when they should- I think that what we believe should be the response to that is vastly different. I've played with someone and they didn't safeword and turned out to have had an awful time, and it sucked, I felt awful, and, at first, I was pissed off at the bottom for not telling me what was going on. But then I reflected on it. Why didn't she tell me? Did she want to please me? She had a trauma history- did I trigger her without either of us knowing until it happened? Did the culture we lived in give the impression that safewording showed weakness? I didn't blow it off as "oh, she's just an unsafe bottom to play with"- I began to realize when I unraveled the situation that the kink culture has some deep underlying issues around consent, sometimes.

When I bottomed, I know I used to hear Doms tell me that they were proud of me for not safewording, or that true submissives don't safeword, that safewords were for tourists. We need safewords, was the general consensus among people I met, but they're kind of a killjoy.

Hm.

I have safeworded and had it ignored, and I have not safeworded because they had violated our very clear agreement, I was afraid for my safety, and why bother, if they were going to rape me they were going to rape me. Safewording and having it ignored was endlessly more traumatic. It proved that they were only as good as the respect the other person had for them, and for me- and that a predator can wear a very convincing mask, until they don't want to anymore.

As a Domme now, I worry about whether or not bottoms I play with will be able to let me know if their boundaries are being crossed. I'm also aware enough to know that things can go pear-shaped and it's no one's fault. Trauma responses and triggers can manifest after years of being shut away. Not everyone feels safe saying they've been assaulted in the past. I can only do the best I can do, and if that's not enough, then I deal with the fallout.

it's ok to joke about, cause it's a female dominant! *cough*

I admit here, often, that I am not perfect- that I have been and can be manipulative sometimes, that I worry about my controlling nature and wonder if it's always coming from a healthy place. But I would never, ever say the bottom is just unsafe to play with- that would effectively encourage them to keep being silent! I would take responsibility for my part, and ask them how I can help them feel safe now. That seems obvious to me, but maybe it isn't.

As I told Tracy in part of the interview that she didn't use, nobody likes safewords. It sucks having to use one, and it sucks hearing one from your partner. They are, however, an incredibly useful tool for facilitating extreme play (especially play with the fantasy or appearance of nonconsent, where "no no!" may mean "hell yes!"), a firewall that divides abuse from Eros - so we use them anyway, and I only wish that the non-BDSM world would do the same.

Many longtime partners haven't needed one in years, because they know one another's reactions well enough that they can back off before matters get to that point... but anyone who plays with someone new, or does extreme play with a flavor of adversarialism or nonconsent, is playing with a particularly nasty kind of fire.

-Janet Hardy- read the comments on Salon here for full context

"Nobody likes safewords". I find that an interesting attitude to have, personally. Because if even a community leader is saying that safewords are sucky, then that adds to the issue I want to talk about further- this attitude that being at a safe place where playing without a safeword is perhaps more intimate and more desirable. And if that is the attitude, does that not promote an unspoken attitude that while playing with safewords is important and safer, playing without them is desirable?

Like with condoms- if you say "everyone hates condoms, but, you know, they keep you safe. However, people who trust each other sometimes become fluid-bonded", you're not saying that condoms are bad, but you're saying that without condoms might well be better. I mean, I spend a lot of time people how to enjoy negotiating in a way that's both sexy and effective, and how to have hot safer sex discussions and practices- I think that making safer measures part of foreplay is an important aspect of this discussion. And hey, look at that, I like safewords and condoms. Coincidence? I think not.

Sure, I can appreciate that people want to feel like they're in sync sexually, that unspoken communication is enough- and it's certainly possible to have that rapport with a partner. But how long do you need to know someone before that rapport is something you can trust? What signifies that you've done that legwork? How does one get to that safe place?

You shouldn't even be having SEX, much less any sort of power exchange, if you don't know who you are and how you expect to be treated...

The community provides LOTS of resources, from books, to Fetlife groups, local munches, discussion groups, and educational events. Virtually every state has at least one, if not multiple educational conferences a year, most run by intensely ethical people whose mission is to educate. And I don't know of a single one that hasn't banned people for inappropriate behavior. Newbies don't get in trouble because nobody offers to teach them...but they often do when they refuse to take the time to learn, to observe, and to develop relationships and friendships with people of integrity and real knowledge before diving in.

-read Assent Matters on fetlife for full context

Again, there's this expectation that if you do enough work, you'll be prepared and these things won't happen to you- or, if they do, you'll be the perfect victim. Who can possibly say when you know yourself enough to give full, enthusiastic consent? We don't live in a vacuum, here! To expect that no one will have sex until they are completely self-aware- well, fuck, I guess I should stop, then, cause I haven't reached enlightenment. I'm still figuring out who I am. Isn't, well, everyone? "Who you are" and "what you want" is often somewhat fluid.

haha, funny right? not so much.

I was told that in my case I didn't do a good enough job getting to know my first Dominant rapist- I had gotten references, I had taken time to get to know him (months, mind), I had safecalls and safewords in place and several play sessions under my belt before I ever let him tie me up. I was told, am still being told, over and over again, often by women who have themselves been abused, that I exercised poor judgment, that I didn't do enough to protect myself.

So when do you know someone, exactly? If a couple of months of getting to know this person, and three one on one dates with all the "correct" precautions in place isn't enough for bondage, what is? Six dates? Ten? If having several references isn't enough, how many is appropriate to be exercising good judgment? Should you only play in public? Are public spaces safe? What do you do when the abusers are friends with the DMs, or, worse, the DMs themselves?

I know of at least two conferences that have not banned someone from presenting despite getting feedback that the presenter was abusive- both cited not wanting to get involved in personal issues as their reason. And, as I keep hearing, we don't have any tribunal, any way to sort through these issues in a way that's not biased, so spaces muddle through dealing with consent issues individually, not communicating with each other, each one making its own choice. I've seen both members of an abusive relationship banned from a community space in the interest of "avoiding drama", even though legal orders were in place. I've seen spaces ban the abuser. I've seen mediation happen, as well. I've unfortunately seen the abuser be allowed to stay and the victim told to leave because the abuser was well-liked by the right people.

I also keep hearing the argument "well, this stuff happens in all communities, so..." Yeah, this is true. Entitlement culture is everywhere- churches, schools, the police, the government, swingers, and, yeah, the kinky community. Except those other communities don't underline the idea of consent all the time. Safe sane and consensual, or its buddy, risk-aware consensual kink, share the idea that consent is pretty important, hence why it's something we're trying to bring some light to.

It's fascinating how defensive people are about this idea, though. We agree that rape is bad, yes? And less of it would be good? So why then not discuss ways that consent can be treated like it's important in this scene? I'm all for personal responsibility, and safewords, and also not blaming victims and not creating a culture of isolation and slut-shaming. Isn't that a good thing? More to the point, I'm not just complaining- I'm actually proposing things communities can actively do to be more supportive. Why on earth is that being treated as an offense, exactly?

Worst of all, many of these community members seem to be pointedly ignoring that most rapes happen with someone you know. Not a stranger. Someone you know, often well. So what then, exactly? How do you combat this issue when some of the predators are the ones in charge? And doesn't that sound an awful lot like the way we as a society generally respond to rape..?

When we live in a world where fake, melodramatic rape accusations outnumber real rapes, then maybe we can have a discussion about worrying about that. But as of now, suggesting that people should deal with it internally, suffer being blamed and silenced, and be nice about it in the name of avoiding so-called "he said she said drama" means actively that real abuse is being ignored and enabled. And that is actively dangerous. Would you tell people who have been raped in any other setting not to report unless they're the perfect victim and have perfect proof? Are you suggesting that the police are perfect at dealing with these situations, especially if kinky sex is or has been involved?

I was with a woman a month ago who reported rape to the police. It was someone she knew, and had a kinky relationship with once upon a time. We went to the hospital and waited for hours to be told we were in the wrong place but that the station was ready for us and had a female officer to talk to. Then we went to the police station, where we spent a total of 5 hours locked in a room- a room locked on the outside- while the all-male cops made statements that suggested she was somehow at fault. She, trying to do the right thing, didn't wipe when she peed or shower from when the assault happen to when we got to the hospital- where she was given a rape kit 12 hours after we started the whole process. At that point, of course, the kit showed nothing.

There was no case- not because of anything she did, but because of bureaucracy and police fuckups. Had I not been with her supporting her, she would've dropped it anyway, simply because of the way to cops talked to her (and as a witness, they were pretty fucking awful). The pamphlet with info on what to do after a sexual assault? All the numbers and links were no longer valid. That's what we're dealing with, here.

All I could think was "if this had happened in a dungeon..."

DMs aren't trained in first response. You're told as a victim that we can deal with these things among ourselves, we don't need to talk to the cops (cause in many places the cops will already be suspicious of kink generally- see Paddleboro). And then we don't deal with it- we leave victims to drown on their own, keeping quiet because, well, you don't want to be ostracized, do you?

Why are people reacting so poorly to this? I suspect that it's because when you really sit and think about it, as Maggie and I did months ago when we started this project, about how many dimes you would have if you had a dime for every time you were sexually assaulted within the kinky community... well, you'd have a hell of a lot of dimes. And if you took one away for each time you told someone, you'd probably still have a lot of dimes. And if you put back a dime for each time you told someone but didn't call it rape?

Yeah. It fucked with our heads too. Because if you have safewords in place, and respected references, and the person is well-liked by the community and seems good at what they do (maybe even presents workshops), and you've negotiated and read all the books and done all the stuff you're "supposed" to do, we expect that these things won't happen. That we're safe. And sadly, that is not the case. I don't think we, as a "community", want to hear that, because it is fucking terrifying.

A lot of this is wrapped up in the fact that, as Maggie said to me, "we're a community until something goes wrong- then, we're all individuals". That's really interesting to me from a culture standpoint, and I'll be writing more on exactly that soon. How can I in good faith say to radical feminists "no, you don't understand, kink isn't abuse because of consent and safewords and our focus on mutual respect" when, in fact, the community for the most part has proven me utterly wrong? Keep an eye open for a post on community, "community", and what that means for accountability.

This is why I'm so angry. Because if I wasn't angry, I think I would lie down in the fetal position, so consumed by depression and sadness that I'd give up. And I can't give up. We can't give up.

So I just dropped the boy off at the airport after a whirlwind week of porn shoots, fundraising, acid trips and fancy costumes. It was incredible. Typically I spend the time with him at home, curled up for a lot of quality time- this trip was a lot more running about experiencing stuff!

-ate vegan soul food and it is AMAZING

-had lots of hot sex

-saw dolphins in Santa Cruz

But what was really fantastic was this.

So, the boy and I were engaged a while ago. He proposed to me on one knee at a castle in Whitstable, and it was beautiful.

Then we hit some incredibly rocky terrain, and we weren't sure if we were going to make it through that- the engagement was off, at least until trust had been regained. And, to be honest, part of the engagement had been about a pressure to symbolize our commitment to each other when we were in two different countries. We almost broke up. It was pretty awful.

But we worked hard. And while we made it through that, the engagement was still off.

Until Thursday. Thursday, while the boy and I snuggled in bed, chatting and reflecting and nuzzling each other, he suddenly turned to me and said how grateful he was that I came into his life, bringing the Elements of Harmony (we're MLP geeks, sue us). And he presented me with a ring. Not just any ring- he got this special for me, a white gold puzzle ring, bigger than the one he got me as a promise ring, and really lovely. He asked me if I would marry him, and I said yes.

Then, in true us fashion, we had some kinky, filthy sex to seal the deal.

It's hard to say goodbye. Every single time I bawl and my heart feels broken for a while. The first night in bed without him is going to be awful- it always is. But we're learning how to survive without each other- a lesson in wanting, not needing. And I would rather have my heart crushed every time I say goodbye to him for a few months than avoid the pain and be without him in my life.

I'm a little obsessed with The Little Prince. It's always been one of my favourite books, and one day the boy will have a fox tattoo to correspond with mine, the last scene of the story. I highly recommend you read the chapter about the exchange between the Little Prince and the Fox, because it is a beautiful metaphor for love and letting go. There's one quote from it I've always loved- "It's only with the heart that one can see rightly- that which is essential is invisible to the eye". I also love this quote by the author, Antoine de Saint-Exupery, that describes love well to me- "For true love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have. And if you go to draw at the true fountainhead, the more water you draw, the more abundant is its flow." How beautiful is that?

But Saint-Exupery had another quote that sums up my love for the boy, and my gladness to be with him-

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward in the same direction."

I'm glad to be looking outward with him. <3

So January 18th is the Great Blackout, when sites all over will do everything from displaying a banner to blacking out their sites in protest of the Stop Internet Piracy Act and the Protect IP Act, a pair of proposed bills that will give private companies the power to shut off websites because they allegedly have copyrighted material on their page- allegedly, mind, it doesn't need to be proven.

It'll also make a blogger responsible, not only for their content, but the content of those commenting- so, no avatars with copyrighted images, no logos, no illustrating your posts with any images that you don't own the copyright to. Accusations of violations will be enough to cut off payment to your site, effectively shutting you down. Singing a popular song on Youtube could create pressure to block your profile, or Youtube could risk being blacklisted as a place where copyright infringements could happen. Many innovations we take for granted- Twitter, Wikipedia, Facebook, Tumblr especially- would not have been able to exist.

And who is backing this? Companies who make their money in music and movies, naturally, who feel like this is a method to prevent their content being stolen.

It's interesting to point out that porn companies, meanwhile, are AGAINST SOPA. Their content can be stolen too, of course, but porn understands what SOPA could lead to- private companies being given rein to censor the internet as they see fit. Sure, some of their content might be stolen, but they make enough of it to not be too fussed, plus they keep offering more extras on dvds that are hard to find- and niche porn tends to not find its way to torrent sites, so if you want, say, queer porn, you'll probably have to buy it anyway.

Also, it's possible that sites can be censored for "promoting" illegal behaviour- so this blog, for example, would be shut down because I talk openly about being a sex worker, and Erowid would be at risk for being a place for harm reduction drug taking practices. I worry that other sexual material could become easy to censor, particularly if you add this bill to some "think of the children" censorship campaign.

Anyway, read about SOPA, then sign a petition or talk to your local politicians about why the hell they aren't setting fires over this.

I'm also amused that Irish bookies are apparently taking bets on which sites will join the protest.

(no one can censor my ponies!)

I'm no size queen- I like average sized cocks, on the thick side, not too long. 5 1/2-7" is just about perfect for me, personally. My cervix doesn't like being battered down, after all, and thick is more important than long in my experience (take note, boys).

But when I go out on the town, I like to have a cock that's obscene. Thick, long, beyond any type of discretion. I want a cock that Gets Noticed (and possibly that I can beat someone to death with while screaming "tool of the patriarchy? I'LL GIVE YOU TOOL OF THE PATRIARCHY" but maybe that's just me).

There is really no other cock for this purpose other than the Outlaw, by the delightful Vixen Creations.

Vixen Creations is one of my favourite companies for cock. It's women-owned and mostly women-operated, and their products are some of the nicest dildos I have ever strapped on or had inside me ever. All of their products are made of a high-quality silicone, and their "vixskin" toys have this amazing soft outer layer with a firm inner layer that's surprisingly realistic. They've got a limited warranty on their products... for life. Additionally, it's the little things- naming their colours "vanilla", "caramel" and "chocolate" instead of "flesh toned", and making a vixskin dildo that's nonrealistic shows an understanding of privilege that's pretty snazzy. And they have other things too- hitachi covers and butt plugs, for example. Keep an eye out for my first experience with a Prosthetic Penis attachment (I had to wait til they came out with the Colossus- the boy's cock wouldn't fit into the Ride On!)

But the dildo that makes everyone's eyes grow wide, either with excitement or dread, is the Outlaw. I was on a sexytimes sleepover once and my date pulled out the Outlaw with a giant grin- I shook my head with an emphatic "no fucking way" and pointed to the much more sensible Mustang. Still, there was a part of me that really wanted to give it a try, nervous as it made me.

It is a hefty piece of equipment. At 8 1/2" long and 2" thick, the Outlaw stretched my harness to the limit- but I could still prop it up comfortably against my body, it didn't pull the harness down awkwardly. It felt nice in my hand. I got a little giddy about thrusting it into a lover, but that will have to wait until the weekend...

With a firm erect core and a soft outer layer, this cock is extremely realistic feeling, covered in veins and wrinkles. I particularly like the implied pulled-back foreskin. Love!

Internally, it feels pretty real too, especially if you warm it by using some lukewarm water beforehand. You could also cool it for some interesting sensation! There's no curve to it, but the girth is enough to keep you busy. I may call it the "prefisting" dildo. It's pretty intense! While I could only nudge 7" inside me, that extra inch meant I had a good handle on it, so that worked for me.

Like with any silicone toy, don't use silicone lubricant with this or you'll destroy your toy. It can be boiled for 3 minutes to sterilize, or wash with soap and water (it's non-porous). And you'll want to take good care of this, because it's such a lush toy, you'll want to enjoy it again...and again...

You can purchase the  Outlaw directly from Vixen or via Good Vibrations. Thank you so much Vixen for letting me try this toy out! My cunt thanks you too.

(The boy, who will get to experience it this weekend, may thank Vixen too after he stops running away- I'll let you know ;) )