October 2012

Post 1 to 7 of 7

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Stage 3: Bargaining

3. 3:15PM Saturday, October 27   when it happened you told me not to ask you to stay that i needed to respect your boundaries and your word   when i had tried to leave you, mind there were four hour discussions of why this wasn't necessary promises made for better behaviour i gave you space to evolve i gave you time because i loved you, and i… View More

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Stage 2: Anger

2. 12:41 Saturday October 20   sometimes it still hurts. but sometimes, when i think about everything in context i get so angry i want to shoot you in the forehead with a bullet made of the engagement ring you bought me after asking me for the third time. lying to me for the third time. and you left our three year relationship via email while at work and then had… View More

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Stage 1: Denial

1. 11:11AM Thursday October 4   the sun blares like nothing's changed nothing's changed right?   your ring is still on my finger where you put it   so nothing's changed   and yet i'm falling, falling, falling there's something wrong with my heart there's something wrong shaking my head in disbelief no, this isn't… View More

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parallelogram

wegotism (no 'u' in moving on... but there is in 'future'...) (2003) you say i mirror your interior, the things you hide behind your eyes you tell me that you want to reach in the looking glass it's hard to piece back together a past when it's been smashed stained colors and made beautiful, worshiped like a church and i think you're still… View More

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so i'm still here.

Update: -I have spent a lot of time containing my incredible anxiety so that I can be someone people can get support from. When I moved here, I vowed I didn't want to be read as crazy anymore, so I hid it, mostly successfully. -Things have been close to a tipping point for a while. -Mike left me a week and a half ago, in part because my fear was controlling him and it wasn't functional, in… View More

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hope is for the naive.

the words hit like a tsunami.   i was watering our future straightening the linens making space for you in my life warming the hearth for you when you came home.   it was a beautiful day. we had kissed, declared our… View More

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it may not always be so; and i say that if your lips, which i have loved, should touch another's, and your dear strong fingers clutch his heart, as mine in time not far away; if on another's face your sweet hair lay in such a silence as i know, or such great writhing words as, uttering overmuch, stand helplessly before the spirit at bay; if this should be, i say if this should be- you of… View More