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truly, madly, unimaginatively

The commercialization of romance is a tricky business, but a booming one- something we realize anew every Valentine's Day, with all the cynical tweeting and blog entries. I personally have mixed feelings about it- while ideally people wouldn't need a romance reminder, they often kind of do, so it can serve as a socially acceptable kick in the ass for people (mainly men) who don't tell their lover they appreciate them as often as they should. I've also blogged before about how Valentine's Day is sort of the High Holy Day of Femme, a day when women's thoughts and feelings matter. Sure, I can get behind that.

So I was talking to a friend on Twitter about this stuff, particularly relating to the Valentine's Day Do Not Buy list I wrote for online sex toy shop Electric Lady Lounge. She suggested I add "motorcycle parts" and "paintball ammo" to the list- which, for her, is true, but I know other ladies who would be delighted with those gifts. Which brings to an important point forgotten by this Hallmarking of the holiday- not all women are alike. One lady might love practical gifts but hate chocolate that's not fair trade- another might not be too picky about chocolate, but be sensitive to certain chemical scents, so perfume is a bad idea. Still another lady might prefer a handmade card to roses. And never mind where guys fit into all this- I date the sort of guys who would like flowers and a bit of fuss made about them, and they're often more lovey-dovey than I am.

Which brings me to the ultimate issue with this media marketing frenzy- one size does not fit all, and if you assume it does, you will fail your mission here. If V-Day is a day where women's thoughts and feelings matter, this means you need to know the woman in your life well enough to seduce them in the way they want to be seduced. If she doesn't like expensive dinners, don't take her to one. And why just get a little something for your lover? Show the various people you love that you care about them- family, friends, pets- hell, maybe do a bit of trash cleanup or gardening to declare your love to the earth, too, why not? V-Day doesn't have to just be about couples and wishing you were in one, or in a better one, and to let the media win on that account is to passively let them define love in that way. Ugh. Laurie Penny says it pretty fucking well here-

Romantic ritual drowns the energy of solidarity, community and female independence, turning passion into a commodity and making us compete for our share. The rash of roses and restaurant deals that accompanies Valentine's Day has little to do with real passion. Rather, it nudges us into robotic ceremonies of spending and sexual bargaining. It turns love into a limited commodity when, in fact, there is more than enough to go around. And, to misquote Marx, it allows business to wield a grim control over the means of seduction.

Yes yes yes! The rest of the article had me nodding too, and reminds me of Bird la Bird's performance at Love on Trial- while the Society for Cutting Up Couples was satire, it did say a lot about the problems with how we institutionally validate coupledom and punish singles- as she said, and I'm paraphrasing here, "why give tax breaks to couples when singles are the ones who live alone and therefore need help with money?" And yet, read the comments on the article- saying that the rituals around Valentine's Day are problematic ends up with a lot of people sneering that you must not have gotten a card, then, eh? Which actually proves the point- we're so culturally programmed to believe love is expressed in certain ways (and let's face it- most Valentine's Day traditions are not only pretty gendered, but also pretty heterosexist) that we defend those ways blindly instead of challenging why we do it.

So what's a politically minded lover to do? Well, I really liked Ms Magazine's take on the holiday-

As a feminist, how about joining a political campaign in honor of Valentine’s Day?  Saint Valentine was arrested for marrying couples against the wishes of Emperor Claudius II, so what better way to honor the day than to continue fighting for the right to marry? Celebrate Freedom to Marry Week, which concludes on Valentine’s Day, by adding your voice to those supporting the freedom to marry or by asking Congress to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act. You can also join or organize a marriage license counter action on Valentine’s Day to protest Prop. 8. Be part of a global movement to end violence against women and girls by attending a V-Day event–”The ‘V’ stands for Victory, Valentine and Vagina.” You can always send a Planned Parenthood Valentine’s Day e-card to your special someone. February 14 is also National Condom Day, so take part by being safe and using one.        

So to all the people complaining that examining these automated commercialized romantic rituals means that you don't love love? You can have your Paperchase cards and Marks and Spencers couple meals. I'll take my Sushi and Strapon Day instead.

And happy Valentine's Day.

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Love on Trial: Verdict

So Mutiny was doing a sort of challenge to Valentine's Day, a calling-out, if you will. With all sorts of exciting performances and debates, I wasn't entirely sure what to expect, but my friend Lola Sparkle was hosting, so I wore my Marie Curie teeshirt and went along to the Resistance Gallery to check it out.

I had a fantastic time at this event, actually! It started out with some speed debating with Tansy Hoskins- a topic would be raised, people would have a minute to debate, and then the microphone would be turned to a few people to say what they had concluded/discussed. Then everyone would move along and start the process again- a neat way to meet other political people and have a nice bouncing off session.  A nifty idea- I was a little nervous to engage myself though, as it takes me a little bit to formulate an argument and check it for logical fallacies!

Then Helen Arney did some hilarious, amazing songs- I particularly liked the one about making love like a variety of animals- no, seriously, not just doggie style, but like rabbits, angler fish and, ultimately, pandas. Awwww. Her songs were quite smart and funny and I hope to catch more performances from her in the future!

Another highlight was Bird la Bird, someone I've heard much about but hadn't met, performing the SCUC Manifesto (Society for Cutting Up Couples) which was fantastic, both thought provoking and funny. I found her performance riveting.

There were three 45 minute discussions where people from the audience were invited to come up and ask questions that the panels would answer- one theme was how we learn love, and what we learn, another was how institutions teach and regulate love, and the final one was about love activism (which I sadly missed as I was pretty tired). I found the discussions interesting but sometimes hard to hear and engage in fully- lots of chatter going on! Still, I definitely look forward to going to another. I love politics, and debate, and there were a hot group of people there. It was sexy and inspiring.

So well done, Mutiny- you put love on trial and I don't know who won, but you certainly had me walk away thinking, and that's a win.

Want to check out the next one? It'll be Violence on Trial, April 28th 2011. Keep updated on their blog or their facebook group.

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who can consent?

So I was just reading this article about a man with a low IQ who has been banned from having sexual relationships. And it makes me so angry, for multiple reasons.

I know it's complicated. There's been a lot of papers written on the subject, and what is consent if not informed consent. I've also always been a proponent that age doesn't necessarily mean you're better or worse at communicating and negotiating (thus creating informed consent), and that informed consent also is dependent on agency- for example, an issue with incest between people who are over 18 revolves around whether the relationship is still a dependent one, in my opinion (if we're moving out of the realm of blind morality).

Can someone with an intellectual disability give consent to sexual activity? Does someone with such a disability have the agency needed to say no, thus making their yes mean something? And does society/government have the right to tell them that they can't have a sexual life? What about reproductive rights? Can a carer consent for them, as they do for many other activities, like medical ones?

The whole conversation around sex and mental retardation is touchy. This tends to taint the discourse quite a bit, as people are obviously uncomfortable with it. To deal with this, people make fun of the idea often, as shown by this, which is just an example:

The first type of role playing you may want to try is "Mentally/Physically Handicapped Sex." I'm not making fun of retarded people. Actually, in this respect they have a pretty good thing going for them. Imagine being with your partner and not being able to use anything but your mouth or genitals. Pretty hot, right? Pretending you're handicapped makes you worse than a virgin. -http://www.ubersite.com/m/67145

Ugh. 
Additionally, sex assaults where the assaulter is intellectually disabled still land with them in jail, which brings up an additional issue for me- are we arguing, then, that people with these disabilities are aware enough to rape, but not to have consensual sexual experiences? That seems problematic to me. 

One of the things brought up in this discussion is the worry that people might take advantage- if consent is uncertain, then ability to report assault is also uncertain. I agree, that's a possibility (though as one friend pointed out around the article mentioned in the beginning- would it be seen differently if the man with the disability was in a heteronormative relationship..? And wait a minute- carers take advantage in nonsexual ways all the time, yet we don't propose to ban carers. Is this yet another example of sex negativity?

There's a lot of papers covering the idea of facilitated sex for people with disabilities- in the US for example, it's legal to facilitate sex and be paid for it, but not to pay a sex worker. In the UK wheelchair access issues can make it next to impossible for people with disabilities to get out and meet anyone, so thank goodness for things like Outsiders that do what they can to help! But people with a developmental disorder have a different set of needs when it comes to sexuality... how do we deal with that?

One of the other things I was annoyed at in the article was this bit:

One psychiatrist said that he would be confused if sex education was given to him.

Did they even try..? I mean, ok, let's say you want to ban intellectually disabled people from having sexual expression. Let's say you do that. If you haven't offered the person any sort of sex education, then how would they know if they've been sexually assaulted by, say, a carer? Same with kids, in my opinion. If you give your kids a basic idea about things like masturbation, sexual touch, and boundaries/saying no, they'll have an easier time telling you if an adult tries to take advantage- and be better equipped to deal with it in the moment. Sex education is important for everyone- here's an example of something I had as a kid, and here's something resource-wise for sex ed with people dealing with developmental disabilities. It can be done. It NEEDS to be done.


By refusing to try multiple methods of communicating these ideas for people all over the developmental spectrum, you're basically denying them the tools they need to consent in the first place.

So in the case of creating a standard, what would someone with a developmental disability need to be able to understand? I liked this definition of informed consent:

Informed consent means that the person is aware not just of their rights but also their responsibilities. Both parties are expected to fully understand how women get pregnant, methods of birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, how to use a condom, be able to define sexual abuse, and can say “No” appropriately and effectively.
-From Intimate Relations (sex) and the Developmentally Disabled

I think that's a really good way to define this, especially a bit about understanding not only the rights but the responsibilities of sexual behavior.

So then what do I propose?

Why not do what some councils in the UK and have councils pay for prostitution services for the disabled? I'm listed on the TLC Trust, a great charity that connects comfortable sex workers with disabled clients- what if they had a program where you could get a certificate after attending training courses, say, to create a sense of standards? You'd have to be willing to put in the work in order to get the certificate, and it'd be a way to teach sex workers various methods of working with and communicating with people who have various disabilities.

Interested in this topic? You might find this an interesting read, and here's two books on the subject, Enabling Romance and The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability.

And I'd love to know your thoughts on this!

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Love on Trial

So if it wasn't already obvious by posts in prior years about Valentine's Day or my gift guide for the jaded, I have mixed feelings about the holiday. I mean, I love the idea of VDay as a High Femme Holy Day (and will revisit that idea over the weekend), and always enjoyed Pillow Fight Club in San Francisco, but have a lot of issues with the commercialization of love generally, never mind a holiday dedicated to those messed up ideals.

If you're similarly inclined, and in the London area, you should join me and the boy at "Love on Trial", Mutiny's nod to the Hallmarking of romance. Here's the blurb:

On a bi-monthly basis, we organise carnivalesque political evenings to explore and debate social issues of the day. Next week, to mark the corporate schmaltz of Valentine's day in our own special way we'll be putting Love under our intrusive microscope, asking (amongst other important questions); How does romantic love work as an ideology, and can we escape the singular vision of it that saturates our airwaves? What is the relation between our historically specific conception of romantic heterosexual love and late capitalism? What other kinds of love might be valuable? Do we have enough love for our public services to save them?

How does the state institutionalise, police and teach its citizens to love? How have schools, the church and the law helped and hindered the shift towards acceptance of a greater diversity of types of love? How did we build resistance in the past and where are the points of prejudice and control we need to confront today?What relation do love and other emotions bear to activism? Can daring to love differently be an efficacious political act in itself? Is it possible to separate our private lives from our political acts? What might love look like after the revolution?

Along with our special brand of anti-panel debate also known as the pub table audience participation model, we'll have Nina Power on Kollontai and Love in Revolt; Dr Christian Klesse on the politics of polyamory; Deborah Philips providing a feminist perspective on narratives of love; Beatboxer R-tizt, comic Helen Arnie, perfomance poet Alison Brumfitt and of course Shit Theatre


With live music, performance poetry, and original live theatre, it's a political party not to be missed! 
  

I'm excited for this as it sounds like my cup of tea- political debate over romance with a bunch of my awesome queers, activists, artists and academics! You probably know that politics get me hot, especially if you've ever read my blog (I did have PIV sex for the first time thanks to a socialism debate after all) so I think this'll be fantastic good fun. 


It's on Facebook here: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=192156327467868       
Their twitter account is: @TweetTheMutiny      
And there's also have a website here WHERE TICKETS ARE STILL 2-FOR-1 (so bring a date!):      
http://jointhemutiny.wordpress.com/ 

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Review: SpareParts Joque Harness

I am many things, but I am definitely a femme. Some would argue I'm high femme, with my petticoats and jewelry and heels. They're basically right. And as much as I've always liked the look of this harness, I've always passed it up for something more, well, femme, with bows and pink and glitter. 

I considered, thought about, and investigated the Joque for a while, drooled over it even, but generally decided against it in favour of something that had more frippery on it. But when my first choice harness (the La Femme, if you're curious) wouldn't fit my woman hips (50") and so I shrugged and decided to go for it and get the Joque.

This is the most comfortable harness I have ever worn ever in my life. There're some velco straps that adjust on either side, and they don't dig into the skin they way velcro can do with harnesses. It's a double strap harness, which gives access to the ass and vulva if you want that - it also means you can use this harness with a double-ended dildo like the Share or the Nexus if you'd like. It also has a built in O ring- handy if you lose them the way I often do! It can stretch to fit something up to 2" in diameter, but you have to really work at it if it's a bigger dildo- there's no "too thin" as long as the base is wide and sturdy enough not to fold and slip out.

It was recommended when I first bought this that I wrap the base of my dildos in a condom to prevent the dye seeping into my cocks if I was wearing them for a longer period of time (like packing, which is one of the reasons I wanted this). I've washed it (it's machine washable, hurray! But don't put it in the dryer, let it hang dry) and haven't seen any dye bleeding issues yet, but have heard it from multiple sources so keep it in mind. The material is a super-soft spandex/poly blend that's pretty nice against the skin.

With the packing thing in mind I did try it out with a smaller soft cock, and while it was certainly workable, the base is pretty soft so it makes it easier for it to slip out if there's too much tugging. It was really hot watching my boyfriend sucking my packing cock, and I found the design of the Joque to be almost unsettling in how masculine it made me feel. I found switching out the soft pack for a dildo to be pretty easy - important for sudden flares of passion, and good for people who don't want to bring a packing strap and a harness when they go on a night out. Oh, and there's a tiny pocket for adding a minivibe- I rarely bother, as harnesses rarely put the pouch low enough for where I prefer to wear my cocks,but other people might enjoy it.

I got a black one myself as I liked the way it looked, but you can also get other colours- the website lists- Jet Black, Cool White, Red Pepper, Passion Pink, Boi Blu, Royal Purple, Chocolate Brown, Winter Blu, Electric Pink and Stars & Stripes. And it comes with a little storage pouch for when you're not wearing it that matches! Best purchase I've made in a while! And my boyfriend loves it on me. I might experiment more with masculinity- it's a little scary, almost, considering I've just gotten a handle on femme, but what can I say? This harness converted me.

Check it out at Good Vibrations and see for yourself why it was the one harness nominated for an AVN award!

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Review: Teddy Bear Spank-Her

I got this paddle a while ago. I couldn't not- the boy had just told me he enjoyed ageplay, and when looking for a way to introduce a more sexualized version, I found this teddy bear paddle to be ideal.


It's all leather, with a padded side (the detailed side with the teddy) and a flat side. It's very sturdy, too, which I liked, with a flexible inner bit that gives it some flex. But no matter how hard I used it, it didn't leave imprints when I used the side with the teddy face, so I'd call it a mild to medium sensation toy.

It does make a satisfying smacking noise when used against a bare or crinkly diapered ass, though!


My domme persona, I often joke, is that of a 5 year old girl, so I don't just use this toy when playing queer mummy. I'd say this paddle is more often used for when I feel like being Angelica from Rugrats, or maybe Claudia from Interview with a Vampire. I giggle a lot during play, after all, so novelty paddles are just a fun little extra.


The loop is handy. It's in a weird place, going through the head instead of at the base of the handle, but that didn't get in the way or anything. I prefer having a loop there so I can hang it on a belt at a play party- it's nice to have toys you don't have to carry around so your hands are free! 

Basically, it's a nice gentle paddle for the emotional feeling of being spanked rather than to significantly redden a bottom- and it's perfect if you like Daddy/girl or sibling roleplays. I can definitely imagine enjoying this when the boy is my little brother I get to torment, for example!

Available at Eden Fantasys!

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diapered dandy

So the boy and I went away for a little relaxing trip to celebrate being together- we got a lovely hotel with a huge, comfy bed, we went to fancy restaurants, and we went to my favourite aquarium in the world. In between, I posted ads about my missing cat, curated February's Red Umbrella Blog Carnival, and did some writing.

But when we dressed up to go to dinner, underneath the boy's dapper dandy outfit, he was lotioned, powdered, and diapered. He writes about the experience here (and I'll fluff this out more once in the UK and settled in a bit)- I suggested it and was pleased at how excited he was, since I don't initiate this stuff often. I was surprised how fun it was, actually, even if he's a shameless hussy who merrily pisses himself at the table with nary a red cheek!

I'm pretty sure it comes down to initiating these activities. As much as I really hate it, I am actually often a nurturing type. Queer mummying isn't as foreign as it once was... and I'm kind of looking forward to how it goes in the future. I'm definitely up for more public diapering and bathroom control- more than I thought I'd be! Goes to show you, eh?

Reminds me that it's about time for my followup to my ageplay article over at Good Vibes Magazine....

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if the personal is political, and sex is personal, then...

I was lucky enough today to sit at a table in Oakland with brilliant bloggers maymay and Clarisse Thorn, both people I admire and respect hugely. We talked about a lot of things, but one of the things that really stuck with me is thinking about sex as political. It comes to mind particularly because of a discussion over on the blog of Thumper, which I found via maymay's reaction on his own blog. This particular discussion was interesting to me, not because of the subject (orgasm control, which I could take or leave really) but because of the discussion around the way Thumper phrased his feeling that chastity, enforced by a woman, worked for him.

Well, he didn't say "for him", you see. He said:

ANYWAY, point being (and the point I made in my previous post) is that I firmly believe orgasm control is Right and Natural. There’s nothing kinky about it. It’s totally clear to me now that literally every man in a relationship should have his orgasm controlled by his partner (no, I’m not ignoring you gay guys, but I need to leave you out of this for clarity’s sake). I know that sounds very out there and draconian and like I know what’s best for the entire world. Can’t help it. You can disagree with me if you want, but it seems that, for a man, the act of committing himself to a woman would take on so much more significance if he was also committing one of the critical things that defined him as a man: his orgasm. Not only that, it would make it much more difficult for his partner to drift away. If he really meant it and lived up to his word, the two would be forever locked in a symbiotic feedback loop.

Now, people have their things. Who'm I to judge? I do some crazy kink stuff myself. And. like I said, it's not the fetish, it's about how it's presented that I find problematic. Why? Well, maymay said it pretty well- I'll just quote a snippet:

Put simply, this is the most disgusting paragraph I have ever read from you, and possibly from any blogger in a very long time. Perhaps that is because I greatly enjoy your writing and find that you and I share much of the same fetishistic desires. So I am perhaps hugely disappointed, which thus fuels my disgust at such a ridiculous and callously sexist statement coming from someone who has a track record that has stayed relatively clear of such contemptible essentialism.

Tell me, Thumper, while you stroke your ego for so carefully addressing the wrinkle of homosexuality while simultaneously tossing it to the winds, what about the heterosexual women, what about the wrinkle of gender? What “should” they do with their desires, in your worldview?

 This exchange started a discussion (and really, you can read it on maymay's blog here, or the aftermath on Thumper's blog here, here and here). To summarize, Thumper said "but what I say isn't political, it's personal! And if people read and are informed by my blog that's their responsibility! I should be able to say what I like!" to which maymay basically said "sex is political in nature".

Ok, now that we're all up to speed, I can say my own stuff. :)

"The personal is political" is a second wave feminist thing, or at least they've claimed it. The idea of the phrase was that it's equally as important to get together and raise consciousness about  personal experiences of oppression as it is to go to rallies and protests. I think it's incredibly relevant to the world of sexuality, particularly because sexuality is often restricted and controlled by government forces, and because the nature of western attitudes towards sexuality (particularly in the US) is shame, shame, and more shame. Opening up discussions on how the effects of that shame affects us as individuals is hugely important to raise consciousness and spark critical thinking around these issues.

But what annoyed me was Thumper's protest-"As I said before, sex is not political for me. It’s personal. You can go fight the good fight. Leave me out of it." No, sorry, Thumper. You're a sex blogger. People read your blog. As several female sex bloggers could tell you, no matter how much you'd rather avoid politics colliding with your personal life, when you post it on the internet that doesn't always happen- sometimes with incredibly shitty results. When you say something like "this is the right way of things" you are making a political statement, whether you're aware or not. And when someone makes you aware of how that actively negates other people's also valid experiences, it's poor form to respond by shutting off comments to your blog and basically have a hissy fit.

This is also relevant to the discussion going on about men and porn. Violet Blue made an excellent post about the recent New York Magazine article arguing that porn makes men (cause of course women never watch porn and aren't visually stimulated) into sexually unresponsive zombies. Now, a lot of people would say that the politics of porn are focused on the rights and treatment of performers- but it's a lot more far-reaching than that. Attitudes about porn both reflect and are informed by attitudes around sexuality- usually the more conservative attitudes.

Here's a few ways porn is political if you're a consumer- is your sexuality/ethnicity/body type/gender portrayed in a sexy, realistic way enjoying genuine pleasure? Fatphobia, transphobia, homophobia, heteronormativity, racism, sexism, and gender essentialism all crop up in porn a LOT, and that's just a sampler. As a straight dominant woman, is there porn to reflect your interests that doesn't have your trussed up like a prized latex ham? That's related to attitudes about dominant women only indulging "their man", fucked up ideas about female sexuality, and fucked up attitudes about who consumes pornography. How is the porn advertised? With the recent Nikki Blue shoot and the discussion of Kink Inc's incorrect and problematic portrayal of virginity, the advertising of the event proved to touch on issues with things as varied as sexual education to the perceived value of the female hymen. Are the sex acts you enjoy shown in porn? A lot of activities are illegal to own videos of- fisting and watersports, say, in the UK. Never mind the inaccurate ideas that porn desensitizes men to real life sex... or that these studies exclusively seem to focus on straight men. See how your private porn habits are actually a political act?

The personal really is political, whether you're conscious of it or not. The way I choose to eat, how I get around my city, where I get my camping equipment from- these are all political decisions. I'll be the first to admit that sometimes I am willfully ignorant of where this meat came from or the fact that this company mistreats the employees or is anti-choice, because it's easier. But it's not because these choices aren't political. Sometimes the fact I feel like I can't do the ethical thing has to do with even MORE political issues- like I might get bacon at Safeway because I can't afford the bacon at Andronicos, the ethical choice is financially inaccessible.

And sex is personal. Meaning, yes, it's political. The toys you use. The porn you watch. The communities you move in, and how you hold them accountable, and for what. How you learned about sex, and why you feel the way you do about it. Whether or not you feel safe around your desires. And, yes, if you're a sex blogger blogging about personal shit, I do think it's pretty damn important to speak from your experience, and not try to claim that how you feel is true for everyone. And if you slip, and someone calls you on it, accept your mistake with grace. Sex work might be comfortable for me, but I'd never say that it's always a choice, or that it's the right thing for everyone who does it. Because politically, that's a dangerous thing to say- and untrue.

Consciousness sucks, huh?

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Review: Liberator Jaz Mini Cushion

There's been a crazy trend in all sorts of sex furniture, and for the most part I've stayed away- I haven't been able to picture what using these cushions and throws and whatnot will add to the usual madness that is my sex life. And quite honestly, I figured I'm usually too lazy to find a cushion and bring it out when I want to get the boy into bed!

But the Liberator Jaz mini may've changed my mind. 
It's a bit small for me, to be honest. I have 50" zaftig lady hips, and this cushion is 13 x 15 x 6 inches. It's a little bit of a balancing act. But I really, really like the shape, and I've become convinced that these things are handy after using it. It pretty much perfectly supports the body into positions that inviting present your pink bits, making strap on play, oral sex, and PIV sex that bit more comfy and enjoyable. Using it for oral sex, for example, with the female receiving, presents her pussy in such a way that it makes it more comfortable on her lover's neck, which is good if you like oral sex without a lot of whinging. ;)

This cushion has a soft, velvety, microsuede cover that unzips, and a waterproof liner underneath that also unzips, meaning machine washable. That's pretty nice, and they were easy to remove for cleaning purposes. That's important for me, as I'm a bit of a squirter! The foam is hardcore furniture grade foam, so it can support you (for an idea, I'm about 250lbs, and it supports me just fine). The size is nice, too, as it means you can just tuck it under the bed. Frankly, you could just leave it out, because it's not at all obvious what it is!


My only complaint was that there's a tag on one side that occasionally touched me, and it was pretty scratchy and irritating when it did. If this was just made of satin instead, it would've been perfection! Even so, it's still something I'd recommend highly. It's not just for sex, either! I used it for massage (add a pillow to the top of the head for full support) and also to stretch out my back. 


The Jaz mini cushion is pretty great. It's not something you can necessarily carry around with you, but it's pretty practical and discreet as sex furniture goes. If you've been considering getting a Wedge or a Ramp, you might want to try the Jaz first and see what you think. It's a good investment!


Check them out at Good Vibrations!
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Packed

Every time I travel I just have to laugh at the stuff I consider necessary. The boy and I have, of course, lots of toys to review in the months I'm in the UK, and of course there's my work clothes and BDSM toys, and then there's everyday clothes, and costumes for parties. It's ridiculous! And every time I go through security I get a little note from the US Government letting me know they find my travel collection to be rather odd too. Oh well. I'm excited for some of the opportunities that are already nipping for when I get back- another documentary, a TV show appearance, and more interviews. And, most importantly, time to hang out with friends and my lovely ponychick.

One thing I do like about packing is tidying everything. When your everyday mess is put away, suddenly everything seems much more manageable and relaxed. I was certain we were flying out tomorrow, so now we're ahead of schedule and have an extra day to run around doing last minute things. I'm excited to have lunch tomorrow with a couple of fellow sex geeks, Maymay and Clarisse, both of whom I admire greatly- before and after that will involve picking up toys from Babeland and GV. I'm still trying to decide if I want the Incognito Razor or Knife...

I've been really enjoying doing toy reviews on my blog- I hope you guys don't find it annoying, but rather informative and fun! I'm trying to blog a bit more often about things going on, but frankly it's been a lot of running around. I do have some things to write about though, like my porn experience with the boy (which, by the way, reminds me- I have two porn shoots up now at Padded Kink, so go check them out, eh?), more ageplay thoughts, clown sex presentations and thoughts about sexualized fat bodies. So be patient, and they'll come! Additionally, you can always comment in my blog with questions for me to write on- I'm always looking for more things to talk about on here. So please let me know!