Toys that seem kind of like a novelty are my thing. Totally. If it looks cartoonish or kind of absurd, I would be all over it. That's how I end up reviewing a lot of toys on my blog in fact!

But I had never encountered something like the Two from Babeland, which looks like a crazy alien fingerpuppet. However, it's a really interesting concept, so I wanted to share a little bit about how it came to be.

The developers/inventors, two lesbian-identified French women, wanted to create a toy that represented a non-phallocentric toy- a toy that would instead mimic the fingers that many women enjoy using on each other. Especially as some women may be triggered by penis-shaped objects, or just not feel turned on by them, it's nice to have an option for those women for a penetrative toy with a lot of control. Clever thing, that!

The Two is like a mixture of a penetrative toy and a sheath to extend your reach. Made out of silicone, it transmits heat and sensation well so you can feel your lover's orgasm. It could also be useful if you have a disability or issues with dexterity in your fingers, as this can help you stimulate her cunt with a good angle and solid pressure without straining.

I probably wouldn't use this for anal play simply because I have small fingers, and while it's pretty snug I worry it might slip off- no base means possibility of it disappearing! However, for G-spot stimulation the Two would be ideal- I gave it a try and squirted all over the place so I'd say that's a good selling point.

As this toy is silicone, the usual rules apply- wash it by boiling, top rack of the dishwasher or toy wipes, and don't use silicone lubricant with it. The material should be body-safe and sterile if you take proper care of it, so you can, if you so choose, share this toy. You can also use a condom over it for easy cleanup if you so choose, or you could use it as a sleeve for a slimline vibe for a totally different sensation!

I don't know if I will use the Two that often personally, though I will if I want to do G-spot stimulation on my own as it gives me the extra reach I need to go deep. But I'm glad to have it in my toybag for when I encounter a girl who struggles with dildo-shaped toys.

Thank you Babeland for letting me have this toy in exchange for an honest review!

I'm kind of stupidly excited for this giveaway, first of all because I'm a giant bookworm and secondly because I've hit a milestone for me, which makes me feel all giddy in my tummy.

I finally have over 100 readers on my blog!

I'm delighted that it's grown from a wee little thing to a powerful chronicle of my thoughts, life and experiences over the last 3 years. From reviews to navel-gazing to how-tos to politics, I've been so pleased to see the number of people visiting increase from maybe 50 to almost 14,000 pageviews a month. Holy fuck you guys!

In honor of that, I am going to do a giveaway of three books from the place I'm interning, awesome publisher Cleis Press. And I'm going to do this a little differently than I usually would. I'm going to tailor the books to the three winners, so you get a handpicked, Kitty Stryker approved choice just for you. If you want, I'll even write you a note in it. ;)

And YES, international people are encouraged to join on in! YAY

So! Here's how you enter:

• Tweet about it once a day.  If you tweet, please be sure to leave a comment! It’s just easier for me to keep track that way. Make sure to include @kittystryker and a link to this post.

Ex: 3 Years, 3 Winners! @kittystryker is giving away 3 books from @cleispress as her blog has 100 followers! Enter: http://tinyurl.com/threethree

• Tell me what other books at Cleis Press that you would love to have (or already have and love).
• Follow me on Twitter (comment to let me know)
• "Like" Cleis Press on Facebook (comment to let me know)
• Follow Cleis Press on Twitter (comment to let me know)
• Follow my blog (comment to let me know)
• “Like” Purrversatility on Facebook (comment to let me know)
• Follow Cleis Press on Tumblr (comment to let me know)
• Post about this contest on your blog, Facebook page, Tumblr, whatever… (comment to let me know)
• Comment on my other reviews/posts (give a link)
• Put a link on your blog leading to mine (comment to let me know and provide link)

I love hitting people with things (consensually of course!) and am always keeping my eye open for the next fun hitty implement. I have paddles and tawses, toys made of leather, rope, latex and recycled bike tires. But what I really like, more than anything else, is canes. Lovely lovely canes, with those beautiful pink marks that raise so prettily on an upturned bottom!

Even better when they're as fabulous as these canes I got to review from SpankSticks, a relatively new company out in Denmark that turns out some beautiful work. I received a collection of seven canes, some carbon fiber cores, some fiberglass cores, some plastic cores, all coated elegantly in black latex. When I got them, though, I realized that I'd need some help reviewing them, as I can't cane myself and take photos at the same time! Thankfully, Maggie and Ned Mayhem from Meet the Mayhems were happy to step in and let me take photos of them trying these canes out, much to my delight.

So the canes range in size from 35-75cm in length, and from a whopping 10mm down to a wee 2mm in thickness. Ideal for a sadist like me, who enjoys variety and matching toys; my selection had the thick 10mm plastic core cane, which was nice and heavy with a great thud to it, and the 2mm carbon fiber cored one, which was like a magic wand of stingy, instant-mark evil. Yum yum yum! Maggie and Ned actually started a bit of a sexy party with their playful antics using these canes (we had gone to a friend's house for a BBQ dinner) and the play went on into the night. It was pretty hot really, and while it may not ENTIRELY be to the credit of the canes, I think they helped everything along. As well as the fact that such a sexy couple were switching and giggling as they took turns caning each other, that didn't hurt (or maybe it did?)

Maggie started with just fondling the SpankSticks, before having Ned pull his jeans down to expose his ass for some preliminary whacks. She also liked rolling them over his nipples and skin- the latex drags a bit over the skin, providing an interesting sensation that can be velvety soft or pull each tiny hair, depending on how you use it. Pulling down his jeans in the front, she pulled out his cock to give it some light taps as he closed his eyes and smiled. The smaller length canes are perfect for intimate work like around genitals or nipples, as they're very easy to control. Ned's feet even got caned! Bastinado is something I've always been curious about but a little scared to try properly- still, he seemed to enjoy it. Maybe I should give it a go on my boy... he likes being a little pain slut for me after all!

Then it got to be Maggie's turn for some SpankStick time so she wriggled over Ned's lap for a few blows of her own. I liked how the marks showed up fairly quickly and imagine the fact these are latex covered added a bit of sting and helped the marks along. With seven canes to choose from, no one got out of this shoot without a reddened and warmed ass. Well, it was a BBQ after all, right?

Because these are latex canes, you might not want to use them if you have a latex allergy. Wearing gloves can make it possible for you to use them as a top, though, depending on how severe your allergy is.

As for the biggest and hardest question- which canes to pick? The plastic cored canes had less flex to them, so better for the thuddy fan in your life, while the fiberglass was super flexy, making a great swish through the air when swung. The carbon fiber is where my heart lies though, with a nice flick to it that puts fear in my boy's eyes. I can't wait for him to come from the UK in November so I can introduce him to my little carbon fiber beauties. It makes my blood sing.

There were lots of sexy photos taken, and I wish I had space to post them all. Maybe if you're very lucky you'll get to see some caning at Threshold this weekend, where I'll be bringing my SpankSticks for their first Night Out in Style (oh yeah, and teaching a spanking workshop!)

Want your own? Go over to the SpankSticks website and collect a few! Want to see more of Maggie and Ned? Go visit their site and hear some toy reviews, see some porn, and just enjoy the words and photos of a couple very much in love and lust.

Thank you so much, SpankSticks, for letting me try out your fabulous canes! It was awesome and I'll be bringing them everywhere- particularly my little carbon fiber wand-cane.

I've been writing about abuse in kink, and how sometimes we in the kinky community make abusive behaviors and people not only ok but erotic. Not just in the kinky community, either- look at the popularity of American Psycho, Spike (and, to a lesser but not insignificant amount, Dru, or any other vamp) from Buffy, and Dexter. Along those lines, I came across this...

"When I was very young, I was the kid that tortured bugs rather than collected them, doing things like putting them in bleach, lighting them on fire, and seeing how many needles I could get through them before they died. I graduated to vertebrates, and repeated those little experiments on toads, snakes, whatever I could catch. By the time mammals, like neighborhood pets, caught my attention, I had already figured out that killing them would be problematic at best - so I simply inflicted pain on them until I got bored with doing so around age 11 or 12. I literally had no friends until junior high, when I left the tiny private school I'd been going to since preschool to enter the public school system. Then, I made a handful of "friends" just to blend in a little. Dating didn't happen. The urges I felt when I looked at girls were the kind that got people arrested, I thought. I was 19 before I found anything resembling the scene, and learned that what I wanted to do didn't necessarily have to be a felony. Instead, it could involve negotiation, boundaries, limits, safe words - and it could be the only thing that would actually cause something inside me to stir."

This is a piece of writing from a guy on Fetlife who is apparently an active member of his local community. He identifies cheerily as a sociopath in his profile:

"Hi. I’m a sociopath. Cold, calculating, cruel, and capricious: that bit of alliteration describes virtually the entire gamut of "emotion" I feel. I've been quiescent for the past few years, slipped on my human suit and restrained myself in a nice, normal life, but the bloodthirst...it simply would not be denied. While the term sadist certainly applies, it feels a touch incomplete. I’m a predator, and I want to hurt you.

A fair amount of scenes involve a cute little submissive being led meekly about by a top, willingly allowing themselves to be restrained by cuffs or ropes. There’s often shows of subservience, like a lack of eye contact, kneeling and prostrating, or using honorifics like “Sir.” Maybe there’s a flogger involved, or a paddle, perhaps even a cane. Maybe some nipple clamps come out, or perhaps hot wax – there could even be a violet wand. Maybe when it’s all said and done, the submissive has some red marks and possibly even some bruising.

Fuck those scenes.

My toybox smells of chloroform and honing oil, not leather and nylon. I don’t want your “Sir”, or your little moans and whimpers from being spanked. I want to see you run, scrambling through branches and bracken in moonlit woods, whimpering as your chest heaves and your legs burn - yet my low chuckle stays in your ear, always just a step behind you. I crave the look of mounting realization on your face as one by one, ominous things happen: the power goes out, the landline goes dead, and somehow, that fancy smartphone just won't dial out. What passes for my soul sings with glee at the dumbfounded expression of shock on your face when you go to answer the door, only to have it kicked out of your hand, sending you sprawling to the floor. I grin at the tears that start to fall when no matter how hard you punch, kick, flail, bite, and claw, you can't faze me, not even make me so much as blink – I might even leave you armed as you struggle, just to truly drive home the point that you are utterly helpless to stop me. I love hearing those soft, muffled cries of horror when you slowly wake up, shake off your grogginess, and realize you can neither move nor scream because your limbs and lips have all been sewn in place. I salivate at the thought of your blood, that gorgeous scarlet nectar trapped beneath your skin, calling me to take up steel and set it free.

Most of all, though, it's that look I love, the one that happens no matter how badly you've been tortured, no matter how far into subspace you've fled. It's the look you get in your eyes, the bright fever-gleam and the wide, wide pupils, when your vision starts to dim around the edges as your throat twitches wonderfully under my gloved hand - that look that says ohmyfuckinggod this is it he snapped he’s really gonna kill me ohgodnonononono…that makes life worth living.

You see, you’re not really a human being to me. I’m the only real person that exists. You…well, you’re meat. You deserve no respect, no dignity. All you are is a plaything, a toy, something I can get amusing reactions out of. Make no mistake, I can provide an array of dominant and sadistic services - flogging, spanking, bondage, play piercings/lacings, designs cut into skin, a surfeit of ways to stimulate and mortify the flesh - but those urges aren't what drive me. I want to make you afraid in ways you’ve never been scared before. I want to find the true limits of your pain tolerance.

I want to leave you scarred in body and mind."

I wanted to post this in full because I wanted to give people a taste of the sort of shit I see on these sites more often than I'd like. This is a guy who either eroticizes sociopathy in a problematic way and wants to have a persona that reflects that,  or he is actually a sociopath and is advertising that as sexy. He's just an example, but I've known people like this, who think that "crazy serial killer" is a normal Dom archetype and are glad they found the kinky community because we welcome them. "Crazy serial killer" is a fun costume to put on, sure- I find Dexter hot too- but jesus christ, this is a guy who claims at least that it's not a persona. As much as I like to enjoy a bit of rape/edge play with someone, I also like to believe that when the scene ends we can go back to giggling over I Can Haz Cheezburger and watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

He says elsewhere:

"Well, some of us are awful bad people. It's those who are, and aren't up front about it, that are problematic."

Cause the fact that we find people who are upfront about it acceptable and even kinda hot? That's not problematic at all.

They walk among us, people. Creepy as fuck.

As it turns out, Toy Story and Toy Story 2 was playing on TV, and I was sitting at home, eating sushi and feeling Pixar tug at my heartstrings as it generally does... when I realize that there's an undercurrent going on in these movies that really hits home for me.

I've felt all this. The fear of being replaced. And the fear that if someone hurts you a bit, even accidentally, that it might be a marker that they didn't really want you after all... that they wanted an excuse to shelve you.

Because that fear? That's been a lot of my experience with nonmonogamy and polyamory.

Man-o-man.

I cannot even tell you how much I feel for Woody.

So Toy Story, the big plot is that Andy has a primary toy (Woody) but then gets an overload of new relationship energy for another toy (Buzz) and throws his original primary under the bed without noticing, he's so excited. Buzz gets taken out everywhere with Andy, all of the paraphernalia related to Woody and cowboys gets replaces with Buzz and rocketships. And Woody spends a good portion of time dealing with a lot of feelings about this, dealing with his emotions in a bunch of recognizable ways- self hatred and self doubt, anger at the new toy, depression and anxiety. He strikes out at Buzz, seeing him as the reason for his sudden demotion from primary toy, even when Buzz tries to help.

Sound familiar? God knows that's a huge amount of the fear I have currently about the boy starting a new relationship! I think a lot of nonmonogamists I know have felt something along those lines, whether it be sexual or emotional jealousy. I do know some people who say they don't get jealous at all, and I both admire and envy those people. I wish I didn't get so wrapped up in the green-eyed monster, but I also have to be true to my own trust issues. Toy Story really reflected back some of my internal musing... much to my surprise!

Toy Story 2, meanwhile, revolves around the plot that Woody's arm is ripped in play and he is then shelved instead of being brought to camp with Andy, ending up at a yard sale trying to save another toy before being stolen by a collector to join a "complete set". When Woody insists he needs to go back to his Owner, the other toys in the set scoff, asking why Andy would even let him be at a yard sale where that could happen, why Andy would've ripped his arm in the first place. "Sounds like he really loved you" says one of them, Jessie, with a sneer.

Bring this into the nonmonogamy sphere, and I kind of see it as relevant to the experience when your primary hurts you in some way, and then, rather than take the time and care to fix you, they run off to pursue other adventures. That's a really confusing and difficult thing to deal with, and when people turn and say to you, "man, that does't sound very loving" you do have a lot of self-doubt. If they cared, why would they not focus on the mess they made first?

Then there's the other bits where the other toys resent Woody for his relationship to Andy. Jessie is reminded of how her Owner loved her dearly, but outgrew her, eventually leaving her in a donation box and moving on with her life. What's particularly heartbreaking is how she looks so happy in her Owner's purse after being rescued from under the bed, dreaming of her perceived future as, again, her Owner's beloved toy. Instead, she's dumped on the side of the road, in a move that felt incredibly crushing. That reminded me of the time a lover and I took space for a month, and I worked so hard to deal with our relationship shit... only to find at the end that, while I still loved him, he had moved on and moved in someone else within a week of us agreeing to take space. That betrayal was particularly wounding, because not only did I lose my lover, I felt like a fool for thinking it was going to get better.

Stinky Pete, the prospector doll who never was bought and loved by a child, additionally asks Woody if he really thinks things with Andy will last after college. And Pete, it ends up, even manipulates things so that Woody stays with the gang instead of going back to his Owner- basically Pete plays mind games with Woody until some accidents by his Owner, Andy, become hints that Andy was abandoning him.

Am I the only one who's witnessed that kind of drama in the polysphere? That same kind of "ooooh, well, your lover obviously wants to fuck with you, you should leave them and stay with us, we're better than that". Mmmhmm. Been there!

And I love this interaction:

Woody: I have no choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.
Buzz Lightyear: To do what? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.

Ok, so I'm totally reading into this (which is basically what this whole essay does, don't judge me) but I learned from this too. When you feel hurt, and maybe betrayed, by someone you love dearly, it can be tempted to hide behind constructed walls and not let people close again. It's hard to confront those anxieties! Far more tempting to do what feels safe and hide, right? But is that the right thing to do... or the easy thing?

So yes, I think there's a lot of understanding and reassurance around the fears and anxieties a primary might have about being replaced in the relationship between Andy and Woody, and the Woody/Buzz relationship is a classic case of a primary dealing with and being jealous of NRE. And, of course, in the end Buzz and Woody realize that Andy can and does love them both, and that loving another toy doesn't take any love away from the first- they're just different.

But what I also find really interesting from a poly perspective is the relationship between Buzz, Woody and Bo Peep. I mean, what's going on there? In the first movie, Bo flirts with Buzz but obviously also holds a torch for Woody. When she makes out with the cowboy at the end of Toy Story, she even says how she doesn't care of Buzz watches (aw yea).

And then in the second movie, as Buzz goes off to rescue Woody, she kisses Buzz pretty intensely, impishly saying he should pass it along to Woody when he finds him. Gotta love Buzz's sheepish, awkward response of "it won't mean the same coming from me", hehe!

But he does it. ;)

It's the end that really nails nonmonogamy at its best, though, for me-

Buzz: You still worried?
Woody: Who? About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts.
Buzz: I'm proud of you cowboy.
Woody: Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company. For infinity and beyond.

What more could a nonmonogamist hope for than that kind of loving commitment?

So, Toy Story... thank you for teaching me that it's understandable to be afraid of rejection and replacement, but that, in the end, if you let that fear keep you from the possibilities of your own heart, the only one you really hurt is yourself.

"Self-preservation threatens us all" Malcolm Middleton sang, and I believe it- I hold the Fool card close to my heart, summon my strength, trust in myself, and fall in love and lust, again and again.

Disclaimer: It's been a long exploration, but I am pretty sure I'm and I'm still figuring out if I'm even polyamorous. Sex with others is fun, as is friends with benefits (and I have affection and love for those friends, but not in an "in love" sort of way... at least, not yet) but I consider myself nonmonogamous, not polyamorous... particularly because I can't stand the "we're more evolved than you" attitude of many within the polyamory community (in my experience with the organized "groups"... though some of my best friends are poly and aren't like that, thank god). 

I often say "I was polyamorous for a while, until I realized that I'd have to date poly people, and I don't have enough Vicodin for that", and that's a smart ass way of putting it, but yeah. While I recognize there are individual poly folk who are awesome, in my experience so far, I personally just do not identify with the polyamory community at large. I have lots of blogs on my struggles with poly and why I now ID as nonmonogamous instead- here's a good start to it, if you're curious. 

I was reading a thread on Fetlife recently asking "Do you feel AB/DL should be so taboo?" asking if AB/DL deserves the negativity it gets in the media and amongst other kinksters. It's an interesting question, as I've had my own struggles with it as a kink and finding acceptance around it. I think that it's generally pretty easy to turn away if someone is engaging in a kinky activity that doesn't do it for you, so I don't see why kinksters don't do more of that instead of being so scornful. As for the media, well, the sooner everyone realizes that most media around sex is only there to be sensational and shocking, not educational, and create their sound bytes accordingly, the better I say.

However, I got really annoyed when someone (a white, straight cismale, natch) equated kink rights to LGBT rights. Um... no. Sorry. I just don't see it. Never mind that the last thing we need is something distracting from the fact that *we still don't have LGBT rights!* While this particular article focuses on AB/DL, I think it can easily be used for a great many kinks.

I do not feel that I have a "right" to flaunt my kinks. My kinks are not something that need to be explored in all/any public settings. Context is important here. I think that I can make my boy feel like a little boy without involving other people in our kink or having him dress up in such a way that it makes others uncomfortable. I don't know that I would argue that M/s relationships have a "right" to use collars and leashes in public, either, or that human puppies "should" be allowed to run around in kit at a dog park. While I will certainly fight for consenting adults to have the right to do as they like in private, I do also feel that all public space is not an appropriate place for sexual behaviour. People have a right to not be in sexualized space when they haven't sought it out- never mind the fact that sexual energy can be triggering for people. I've done a lot of public play, but it's either been pretty subtle or explainable, or it's been empty of other people. For example, these images from the tube, I just explained to people we were going to a costume party. Then they thought we looked adorable!

I think it'd be amazing if there were more spaces where you can enjoy public kink, same as I like having spaces to enjoy public sex. I love that people wear chaps at Pride, or that I get to watch hot boy on boy sex sometimes. I love Folsom and Dore, where public kink and sex are fairly common. But they're restricted spaces- entry means consenting to being around sex and kink. I mean, I live in SF, where, to be honest, you can probably do many kinky things in public under the guise of public performance and keep it playful without any issues. I think that's awesome, and that's why I live here. There is a social agreement that makes a lot of stuff ok. But there *is* a line, and I'm ok with that.

I do feel that I have a right not to lose a job for having a sexual life outside of work- say, by doing sex work, or by appearing in AB/DL porn. However, I think if I was to show up at work dressed like an AB that would be totally inappropriate. I think making people at work deal with a dirty diaper by tossing it in the work bathroom is kind of uncool, because it's a biohazard. These are also things to reflect on.

It's true- it's more socially ok for women to wear, say, Goth Lolita or other styles that look particularly ageplay-ish in public. There's ways to work around that (the boy tends to wear super hero tee shirts and shorts, for example), but in general, yes, that's true. That's partially because culturally we infantalize women as a matter of course, certainly far more often than that men (unless we want to take men's power away and humiliate them). It sucks that women have more freedom of clothing choices than men (though frankly if we add up male privilege to female privilege... yeah, men win out big). But then, I also rarely see female public sex at these various kink/sex in public type places, certainly not as often as men. Sure, as a woman I can dress like a little girl and its "cute", but then I also live in an entitlement culture that socially restricts my sexuality and makes me worry about sexual threats if I'm perceived to be "slutty" all the time. If I engage in sexual behaviour with another woman at Folsom, say, the likelihood that men will try to physically involve themselves with my scene is a lot greater. So, it's a double edged sword, this "freedom" I have. It's a freedom that comes, often, with a price of dealing with male entitlement.

Finally, there are many people who say they use AB/DL to relax, to let go of adult responsibilities, to decompress. Fine, fair enough. However, as someone for whom this is just one kink I like playing with in many, my personal feeling is I'm cool with that for myself or a partner as long as it's not a crutch. Like... I'm all for having the occasional beer after work, but that's different from needing a drink to relax after work. One indicates a dependency I don't find particularly healthy. The face of AB/DL is a pathologized face, pretty often, so if people have even heard of it, they hear about it in the context of issues with family, or running away from problems. A great many of the AB/DL men I've met do have issues with being irresponsible manchildren. It doesn't do a lot to help their cause.

No wonder it seems taboo- there aren't enough people who treat it as a kink to enjoy with others, rather than a secret shame, a need to be met, or a reflection of issues with parental neglect/abuse. Maybe if there were more people out for whom it was just an aspect of their functional lives, it would get a different reputation.

I don't think people should be assaulted no matter how I feel about their choices. I don't think the Westborough Baptist Church should get assaulted for their beliefs, though I really disagree with them. I don't think AB/DLs should get assaulted for wearing diapers in public either. However- while I believe kinksters should have the right to marry, kiss in public, and not have their kids taken away simply because they're kinky or sexual, I just do not think it's reasonable to say that kinkster rights are the same as LGBT rights. I have not heard that stories of people wearing AB/DL clothes in public and being raped or killed, while a week doesn't go by where I don't hear a story about that happening to a trans person. The people who are almost always the loudest about how kink should be treated as an orientation have been straight while cismales, in my experience. They don't realize how problematic that is. It feels like they're trying to get a piece of the "we're oppressed too!" pie.

Basically, I don't think you can entirely separate AB/DL (or kink in general) with the gender, race and class issues that it raises, never mind the potential psychological issues. As I've met more AB/DLs who are super on it, able to have functional relationships and a responsible life, I've personally changed my mind about it quite a bit. I realized correlation is not causation. It may take a while for other people to feel the same way. One way to help with that? If a bunch of women/people of colour/queers are saying "wow, dude, check your privilege", how's about not being defensive, and saying, "wow, ok, yeah, I will"?

With all that said, I'd gone to parties and Pride as a clown or a little girl with my partner as a little boy with little to no negative attitudes. I think that it also depends a lot on how you engage with other people- if you're dressing in what looks like a costume out and about you have to play that up and give eye contact, be friendly and open, and disarm people who think you're a freak. I find that being cheerful and telling people I'm off to a party or something means compliments instead of vitriol. I do not dress in a way that suggests kink unless I'm willing to talk to people about it in a friendly way- because like it or not I become the face of that kink, and being cuntish reflects badly on the whole thing. You have have fun, even naughty public fun- just try not to be a douche about it!

Maybe at some point I'll write my own tips for working out how to have kink dynamics in public in ways that don't upset people around you. What do you think, dear reader?

I still have weird issues with all the rigmarole wrapped around the idea of "motherhood" that have been stirred up and pulled into focus with adult baby explorations, and I still think that if I do have a child, the boy will very likely be the "mother" figure while I'll be more the "father" figure. And I'm ok with that, for the most part. I still wish he could be the one to get pregnant, but, hey, what're you gonna do, right?

I use words like "spawn", "whelp" and "breeder" as a sort of endearment ("breeder" especially comes out of queer culture, where it's sometimes used with venom but often with a friendly, teasing wink). That said, it's also as a nod to the fact that I acknowledge I am a bit ambivalent about parenting as a choice for myself. I think it's ok to not be gung ho about being a mother, and I think the cult of motherhood that exists kind of sucks for those of us who don't feel they fit into that baby-bootie-knitting stereotype. If I commit to parenthood I will commit, though- not for me an accident or "we'll see how it feels as we go". It's a path I will need to very consciously choose, to be fair to myself, my partner and our potential child.

Now, I'm a sex worker. And I will probably continue to do sex work, in one form or another, after having a child. It's something I feel is my calling, if there is such a thing- it's certainly a place where I shine. I'm painfully aware of the issues that can come of that- sex workers are not seen as fit parents. Hell, sexual women are not seen as fit parents- and that has consequences. My love for my work made me wonder if being a parent was even something I could entertain as a possibility. How could I balance my public speaking about sex work with having a kid? Would I be selfish to not give up my work?

Weirdly, I don't know if I'd ask myself that question if I worked in an office.

But I'm lucky. I know many, many amazing women who are proving, every day, that it can be done. They all have subtly different ways that they balance being parents and being sex workers or altsex participants, which is exciting- it shows me that there's a spectrum of possibilities and supports I can lean on if I, too, become a sex working mum. And I have so much love and respect for them. They're fighting so many preconceptions and judgments, and they're coming out swinging. And I know older parents- Burners, kinksters, polyamorists- whose kids are fucking rad. They inspire me. I'm grateful.

And I also know some amazing women and men who are choosing to be childfree, or to adopt, or foster. I'm grateful to them too, because they show me that if I weigh up the options and decide I don't want to have a child, or that I don't want to bear a child- that's ok too.

Because that's what this is all about. Choices. I want to be able to choose how to be a parent in a way that works for me and my family. I want to be able to choose to not have kids without being told that I'll regret it. Will I be above reproach? No, of course not. I'm sure I'll fuck up either way. That's what people do- they make decisions that other people don't get sometimes, and sometimes they get those decisions wrong. That's ok- it's about learning and growing.

And that's, ultimately, what I want the boy and I to teach our potential child.

My mum tells a story about how when I was breastfeeding I used to bite her sometimes. I'd be quietly suckling away, then nip- she would yelp and pull me away, and I'd beam, she'd sigh and let me suckle... and sometimes, I'd bite her again.


Yeah, I may've been a little sadist event then. But no one would've called what was going on sexual by any stretch of the imagination, right?

Last week Feminisnt blogger Furrygirl accused Madison Young, founder of Femina Potens and Feminist Porn Network, of being a borderline pedophile. She has since blogged about this on her personal blog, after her logic was widely shot down as "crazy talk". In her blog, she talks (again) about Madison breastfeeding in a "place people go to masturbate" I want to correct this mistaken idea very clearly. 

Then there's the image Furry keeps harping on about- a photo accompanying a piece about being a sexy mother, wherein Madison looks glamorous while breastfeeding. Furry is *just wrong* when she says that women don't make themselves look glamorous or sensual for breastfeeding photos (here here here here and here for a start), but then, she's not a breeder. Never mind the question- if it's about babies not being able to consent to being photographed while feeding, are sensual nude pregnancy photos ok? Once a sex worker always a sex worker- are you then banned from feeding your baby in public because you are a publicly sexual figure?

"If you seal yourself in the safe bubble of San Francisco, surrounded by adoring fans, then of course you're not going to care how you might be damaging the movement for acceptance of sex workers and porn," says Furry. But, as Madison said quite brilliantly, the only one sexualizing Madison's breastfeeding is Furry herself. And Furry knows she fucked up, I suspect, as she's not allowing comments on her blog.

I just find it fascinating and frustrating that FG doesn't realize that the person really really hurting the sex worker movement is, in fact, herself. And I'm disappointed. I think Furry sometimes says some brilliant shit. I wanted to support SWAAY. But I am really saddened that I can't anymore, because I'm a sex worker, and I may one day be a mother myself. Some of my friends are mothers in sex work. This is personal, and political, and I just can't let it go.

I love luxurious feeling bondage, but only if it's well-made. Silk scarves get too tight on the wrists, and nothing ruins a fun session like fumbling for the scissors to free hands that have fallen asleep. And I love leather, but that doesn't always fit with the sort of scene I have in mind- plus it's heavy!

So when Babeland offered to send me the Satin Bondage Kit (with another to add to the raffle baskets for the Safe/Ward workshop, which we were grateful for), I got kinda excited to try it out. And ooh, is it lush!

It comes in a pretty satin bag, first of all, which is really nice (and subtle- it could be a lingerie bag, for example, and big enough to slip a toy or two in there as well for travel or even just slipped under a pillow.

The kit comes with two long satin ribbons that are beautifully hemmed. With each one being 5' long, and at least 11/2" wide, they can be wrapped around the wrists twice for some light bondage fun. They're very versatile- you can do the usual things of tying them to bedposts, in a nice bow behind the back or in front (perhaps as a present?) or with some creative knotting, you could use them for over the door bondage. Use your imagination...

Just keep in mind that these are meant for light, sensual bondage, and don't keep those hands too awkwardly tied without checking on circulation!

This kit also comes with a blindfold made of the same material, with the mask ties being 2 1/2' each, so will easily fit a variety of people. I found the blindfold to be nicely made, good at blocking out light and easy to tie. I can see this set being ideal for people new to kink, or looking to have some subtle kinky kit at home- or possibly while traveling to somewhere fun?

Additionally, I found a use for the ribbon as a cute little bow to wear out and about! Maybe you can use it for kittyplay by adding a bell, or as an impromptu leash when tied to a collar? Might be a fun subtle way to have some bondage kit with you while on a night out!

I loved this little kit. I like that you can wash it, too- always handy to have in toys when your play may get a little messy!

Curious to check it out? Well, it's on sale at Babeland now- half off, so a really good deal! I'd certainly consider picking up a satin bondage kit of your very own, especially at that price!

I've never tried a rabbit vibrator before.


I know, I know, you hear about them everywhere, how they're the best sex toy for women, Sex and the City, every woman should try one, blah blah blah. "I have a Hitachi," I thought smugly. "I know better".


Was I ever wrong! The iRabbit mini sent me by Good Vibes made me see my hubris by bringing me to an orgasm that had me crawling up the walls and in tears with pleasure. Seriously. I am not making this up. This is a fucking amazing toy for me. 

It's not particularly big- I mean, yeah, the length is 9" but there's only 5" insertable length, totally manageable. The iRabbit fit my cunt like a dream, with the pearls in just the right place to make me squirm. Then, the little vibe (buzzy, not jackhammer) was surprisingly strong, and in just the right place to work me over beautifully. 


That was the main surprising thing for me- the way it fit my body! I didn't feel like it was forced, or like I didn't have enough control over the vibe on my clit- important, because mine is pretty touchy. It's a really nicely made vibrator.

This toy has a semi-realistic head, but no discernible critter as the vibrator, something I appreciated. Unlike other rabbit vibes I've seen, this one had freely moving pearls, which felt exquisite. It takes 4 AAA batteries.


With multiple speeds for the pearls and multiple intensities/pulsing patterns for the vibe, the iRabbit is a fun toy to get to know better. You might find a setting you like and stick to it, or you might like to ramp up and down. Either way, this toy can accommodate you! 


Made of purple or blue PVC and ABS, this is a phthalate-free toy... and, even better? WATERPROOF. So you can take this in the shower! Soap and water or a toy cleaner will clean this up well.

I can safely say is the idea of a rabbit vibrator kinda confuses you but you're curious, the iRabbit mini is a great one to try out. You can, of course, only use the pearl part or the vibrator part (something I found the handle helpful for) but personally I found fucking myself with it to be the most rewarding. Your mileage may definitely vary!

Jealous? Want to try one for yourself? Get an iRabbit mini at Good Vibrations, who kindly sent me this one in exchange for an honest review- thank you! I now have a robot rabbit lover.