Safe/Ward: This is Why I Speak Up (trigger warning)

I've been writing about abuse in kink, and how sometimes we in the kinky community make abusive behaviors and people not only ok but erotic. Not just in the kinky community, either- look at the popularity of American Psycho, Spike (and, to a lesser but not insignificant amount, Dru, or any other vamp) from Buffy, and Dexter. Along those lines, I came across this...

"When I was very young, I was the kid that tortured bugs rather than collected them, doing things like putting them in bleach, lighting them on fire, and seeing how many needles I could get through them before they died. I graduated to vertebrates, and repeated those little experiments on toads, snakes, whatever I could catch. By the time mammals, like neighborhood pets, caught my attention, I had already figured out that killing them would be problematic at best - so I simply inflicted pain on them until I got bored with doing so around age 11 or 12. I literally had no friends until junior high, when I left the tiny private school I'd been going to since preschool to enter the public school system. Then, I made a handful of "friends" just to blend in a little. Dating didn't happen. The urges I felt when I looked at girls were the kind that got people arrested, I thought. I was 19 before I found anything resembling the scene, and learned that what I wanted to do didn't necessarily have to be a felony. Instead, it could involve negotiation, boundaries, limits, safe words - and it could be the only thing that would actually cause something inside me to stir."

This is a piece of writing from a guy on Fetlife who is apparently an active member of his local community. He identifies cheerily as a sociopath in his profile:

"Hi. I’m a sociopath. Cold, calculating, cruel, and capricious: that bit of alliteration describes virtually the entire gamut of "emotion" I feel. I've been quiescent for the past few years, slipped on my human suit and restrained myself in a nice, normal life, but the bloodthirst...it simply would not be denied. While the term sadist certainly applies, it feels a touch incomplete. I’m a predator, and I want to hurt you.

A fair amount of scenes involve a cute little submissive being led meekly about by a top, willingly allowing themselves to be restrained by cuffs or ropes. There’s often shows of subservience, like a lack of eye contact, kneeling and prostrating, or using honorifics like “Sir.” Maybe there’s a flogger involved, or a paddle, perhaps even a cane. Maybe some nipple clamps come out, or perhaps hot wax – there could even be a violet wand. Maybe when it’s all said and done, the submissive has some red marks and possibly even some bruising.

Fuck those scenes.

My toybox smells of chloroform and honing oil, not leather and nylon. I don’t want your “Sir”, or your little moans and whimpers from being spanked. I want to see you run, scrambling through branches and bracken in moonlit woods, whimpering as your chest heaves and your legs burn - yet my low chuckle stays in your ear, always just a step behind you. I crave the look of mounting realization on your face as one by one, ominous things happen: the power goes out, the landline goes dead, and somehow, that fancy smartphone just won't dial out. What passes for my soul sings with glee at the dumbfounded expression of shock on your face when you go to answer the door, only to have it kicked out of your hand, sending you sprawling to the floor. I grin at the tears that start to fall when no matter how hard you punch, kick, flail, bite, and claw, you can't faze me, not even make me so much as blink – I might even leave you armed as you struggle, just to truly drive home the point that you are utterly helpless to stop me. I love hearing those soft, muffled cries of horror when you slowly wake up, shake off your grogginess, and realize you can neither move nor scream because your limbs and lips have all been sewn in place. I salivate at the thought of your blood, that gorgeous scarlet nectar trapped beneath your skin, calling me to take up steel and set it free.

Most of all, though, it's that look I love, the one that happens no matter how badly you've been tortured, no matter how far into subspace you've fled. It's the look you get in your eyes, the bright fever-gleam and the wide, wide pupils, when your vision starts to dim around the edges as your throat twitches wonderfully under my gloved hand - that look that says ohmyfuckinggod this is it he snapped he’s really gonna kill me ohgodnonononono…that makes life worth living.

You see, you’re not really a human being to me. I’m the only real person that exists. You…well, you’re meat. You deserve no respect, no dignity. All you are is a plaything, a toy, something I can get amusing reactions out of. Make no mistake, I can provide an array of dominant and sadistic services - flogging, spanking, bondage, play piercings/lacings, designs cut into skin, a surfeit of ways to stimulate and mortify the flesh - but those urges aren't what drive me. I want to make you afraid in ways you’ve never been scared before. I want to find the true limits of your pain tolerance.

I want to leave you scarred in body and mind."

I wanted to post this in full because I wanted to give people a taste of the sort of shit I see on these sites more often than I'd like. This is a guy who either eroticizes sociopathy in a problematic way and wants to have a persona that reflects that,  or he is actually a sociopath and is advertising that as sexy. He's just an example, but I've known people like this, who think that "crazy serial killer" is a normal Dom archetype and are glad they found the kinky community because we welcome them. "Crazy serial killer" is a fun costume to put on, sure- I find Dexter hot too- but jesus christ, this is a guy who claims at least that it's not a persona. As much as I like to enjoy a bit of rape/edge play with someone, I also like to believe that when the scene ends we can go back to giggling over I Can Haz Cheezburger and watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

He says elsewhere:

"Well, some of us are awful bad people. It's those who are, and aren't up front about it, that are problematic."

Cause the fact that we find people who are upfront about it acceptable and even kinda hot? That's not problematic at all.

They walk among us, people. Creepy as fuck.

Be the first to comment

Post a comment