It's been a bit of a heartbreaking week, and there's important things I should probably be writing about- stuff delving into whose feminism informs feminist sex work, looks-based employment and the balance of ethical values with patriarchal "marketability", why we cannot be incredulous when people who have been mistreated don't come forward with their stories when they are so often abused further for speaking out. Important stuff. Hard stuff. Intense stuff.
But, you know what? Instead, I want to talk about something fun, because fun, as I have been reminded, is important for self care.
I've moved into a new apartment, and am living independently from a partner for the first time in a while. And it's fantastic! A couple years ago, I found being alone for days on end uncomfortable, but I'm reveling in having a bed all to myself to starfish on, and decor that fits my aesthetic. My room is colourful, filled with framed art that inspires me, and femme accessories that are both organized and displayed nicely. It's been a lot of fun problem solving, figuring out how to store my laptop, setting up a pink hue light, installing a mirror over my dresser to give it a vanity feel. I even have a housewarming wishlist, for those who are into that!
I'm finally close to my friends and my lovers, rather than dreading an hour plus in traffic any time I want to do something. It's felt uplifting and exciting to make plans in the spur of the moment rather than weeks ahead. It doesn't hurt to have awesome food close by, and a cute garden on the side, and a fantastic housemate I get along with really well. I've felt comfortable nesting here, and have some hope this can be a forever home for me after a few years of moving because of circumstance. I enjoy coming home, and look forward to quiet time. Some of that, I'm sure, is growing up, and some of that is generally feeling more comfortable with my own company.
Having a nest is hopefully the first step to me letting go of my attachment to social media and getting out into the world more. I've been suffering from a lot of burnout and frustration at a lack of recognition for the work I'm asked to do and I need to recharge! While there are still, absolutely, injustices to fight and behaviours to call out, I'm finding myself more eager to spend time offline, exploring my neighborhood, drinking tea and reading, listening to records. I'm hoping to embrace more fun in my life, rather than continuing to work nonstop as a way of keeping my brain busy. I'm tired of being the one people come to with rape reports, needs for conflict resolution, an angry voice to speak up about whatever the thing is now. I need a respite, and for a while, that'll be enacted through bicycling instead of driving, making plans to hang out with people without a political agenda on the table, and maybe getting back into crafting and creating.
I'll still be writing, of course! And I'll still be addressing important issues. But I'm going to make a solid effort to also write more about topics I find fun and invigorating, like fashion tricks or home decorating projects. I'm also really looking forward to having more time with friends I don't fuck, bringing my partners to interesting art events and pig roasts and pretty much anything but sex parties, carving out a niche for myself with other people who enjoy sexuality but don't need it to be EVERYTHING in their lives. I want to look forward to events I rsvp for, rather than dread them. I want to forge myself a new community, one that genuinely gives a shit about mutual care and accountability, but also likes to just chill and not process every minute of the day. I still want to change the world, but I think I'm beginning to realize the best way to do that is to show by example and live the life I want to see for others while reaching out and giving them access.
Right now, I'm glad to have new pillows, and to have broken in my new bed properly (hot sex is self care!), and to have a room that's softly pink all the time. And right now, that's enough.