0

unicorns are always horny

I'm going to Burning Man this year, and I'm going with a camp called Unicorn Ranch. I'm pretty excited- a lot of the friends I'm camping with are friends from Kinky Salon, and the unicorn theme? Fabulous! Also it's little things, like having showers, and a kitchen, and electricity... that's all really, really nice. Plus yes, I'm camping with the boy- a camp full of positivity and perkiness will make us or break us, I'm sure. We've been making up (I decided I loved him more than I loved being martyred), and we're going to have a long talk when he comes out to visit. Thank god he's been in deserts before and therefore will be accustomed to the heat and having to drink tons of water! I feel pretty confident that we'll have a great time- and I'm really glad that we both have places to go outside of camp if we need space from each other.

Thinking about unicorns made me think a lot about the ultimate unicorn- the hot bi babe who sleeps with couples. I am a unicorn- maybe an ex unicorn, if you only count single HBBs, and I loved being one! I really like hooking up with couples- I get to be with two people, usually a guy and a girl, so I satisfy my need for variety, and I've done it enough that I know how to make it fun for everyone, generally. At least, I know how to do that when I'm the unicorn, cause I'm the new shiny thing, and knowing that, I can make sure that everyone gets equal attention and thus has a nice time.

Ah. But. The boy and I are discussing having a rule for a while where we only play as a couple. And suddenly, I'm on the other side of that sexy equation- I'm the unicorn hunter. So now, it's all about finding that rare beast- the girl who's interested in playing with us both, who isn't too mental and who can communicate. Hahahaha! Yeah. Right. I mean, yeah, I like the idea of us playing as a couple, sure- but we've done threesomes before, and if we do a threesome with a girl, the boy gets a bit "ooooh shiny" and forgets about paying attention to me, and, well, often the girl doesn't seem that into getting me off, so I'm just enabling the two of them... and that sucks. I don't like the cuckold thing. At. All. At least when we played with another guy, the attention was on me, and that pleased the boy because he's not terribly into playing with men on his own.

So it's a complicated thing, this playing as a couple. I like queer women and genderfuckers- who, generally, aren't that into playing with cismen. Bi women are great, but more often than not are just "experimenting" and/or actually want the boy and not me. Not great. Or there's guys, which is awesome for me but not him. So yeah... I'm not really sure how this unicorn hunt will play out.

And then there's the fact that, like a unicorn, people tend to think I'm elusive- I guess I intimidate people. I organize events, I guess I hang with the cool people, so people assume I wouldn't want to be approached. But I desperately do! I don't approach people because I'm still nervous that they won't say yes- I've been fighting that tendency in the UK and frankly people think I'm hotter there so it's easier- in the US there's a lot of body fascism. So the boy gets asked all the time to play and no one invites me or asks me which makes me hate this open relationship even more.

But look. I make this clear sometimes, perhaps not clear enough- if I know you socially, especially if you're queer, and you think I'm hot, jesus christ already, SAY SOMETHING! ASK ME OUT or ask me to play! I might very well say yes. I never get asked and it sucks to volunteer or run a sex party where no one ever approaches you. You don't have to be some sort of magical being. It would just be really nice to be flirted with. Unicorns get lonely, too, you know.

Be the first to comment

Post a comment