birthdays, resolutions, revolutions, revelations

Last month I celebrated my 29th birthday, and I spent it feeling very much like an adult- a Groupon-funded spa date with Maggie Mayhem, and then some time panicking with my Daddy about cleaning up the house before going out for a very fancy dinner... with friends I could quiz about my work future. Then I spent the rest of the month buckling down and focusing on sending out resumes and creating a presentation to take on another TV show (fingers crossed!) so it's been intense.

In the meantime, I realized I needed to make some resolutions for the next year. This is my last year in my twenties, something that caused me panic when I was with the ex fiance because I felt pressured to have children, settle down in a house somewhere and start financially supporting... well, a family, really.

Now, I only have to care for myself, and that is the goal of Year 29. Responsible hedonism and radical self care. It's not a lot of resolutions, but they're important.

-Remember My Pleasure is Important. I thought I was frigid, people. I really honestly thought there was something seriously physically wrong with my libido. Turns out that there was, and it was that I wasn't making MY pleasure a priority, and I allowed my bedmates to do the same and be pretty selfish. However, if I'm having lots of orgasms and not having to fight for my kinks to be appealed to, I find myself eager to please my lovers. I haven't loved sucking cock this much in *years* (sorry mom ;) ). I'm discovering new things my body can do that I never knew it could do before, and I'm enjoying sex in a way I haven't since I was in my early twenties. And the best part is the communication about what's enjoyable and what isn't- having a boyfriend who's a true switch has made sexyfuntimes far more exciting than I dreamed possible.

-Travel More. I've already travelled to Maui, I will likely be flying to New York/Boston at least once more this year, I'll be flying to London once and possibly twice this year (and I certainly hope my ex stays out of my way). I want to go places, though. I want to explore. I enjoyed going to new cities last year and I want to do more of it this year- maybe going back to Portland, maybe New Orleans..? And some of the time, I want to travel on my own, something that's traditionally scared me but I think will be good for me.

-Uncover My Manic Pixie Potential. As a Manic Pixie Dream Girl I have spent a lot of time putting myself aside so I can help my Depressed Protagonist Boyfriend figure himself out. I've often felt frustrated at being the girlfriend experience and not the girlfriend in these situations, but I realize now it's partially because I didn't demand better. I refuse the objectification of being the catalyst anymore. It's time I really focus on what I want to do with my life, and my goals, rather than getting lost in fixing someone else. 

-Accept Help. I have so many little projects going on, and it's overwhelming to try to keep on top of them all. I have lots of people interested in helping me out- I need to sit down and follow through on sorting that out so I'm not exhausting myself stretching myself too thin. By the end of the year, I want to have Andro-Aperture back up and running, Consent Culture in the hands of multiple posters, and Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society having semi-regular events across the US, never mind training up an intern or two professionally to assist me with the social media work. It's time for me to go pro.

-Work Is My Primary. I've lost a lot of time worrying about the careers of my partners and not paying much, if any, attention to my own. This year, it's about my career, forging a new path in social media marketing while continuing to embrace sex work in a way that feels comfortable and safe for me. I will keep work a priority, and consider it my primary partner, even if other people laugh at me for my fixation on saving money and paying off bills. It's important to me, and I'm going to value that in 2013 instead of hiding it- I like being a driven, business-minded person, and I'm going to celebrate that this year!

Categories: personal, Uncategorized

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