Sex on the beach sounds great in romance novels or depicted in From here to eternity, but sand in your nether regions can make for a more abrasive reality. Still, watery lust abounds in myth and pop culture – just think rakish pirates and neatly pressed seamen, or sirens singing sailors to their shipwrecked graves. And what about Mr Darcy, emerging from a lake, wet shirt clinging to his chest? If any of these tick your boxes, you’ll want to keep reading.

Aqua vitae
Water is often characterised as feminine. In astrology, water signs are considered to be empathetic, imaginative and intuitive – all sensual traits. The Lady of the Lake, Nimue, rises from the depths to offer King Arthur his sword Excalibur. The ebb and flow of the tide relates to the movement of the moon, also feminine in myth and legend, and equally mysterious.

While it may be linked to the feminine, water isn’t always gentle, and neither are the spirits within it. Russian folklore tells of Banniki – malevolent spirits known for raping and killing those who wander into a bathhouse alone at midnight. Selkies are shapeshifters who shed their seal pelts to reveal human forms. The bean-sidhe is a female spirit who sits by the water to wash the bloody clothes of those about to die. Many bodies of water were considered to house a faery of some kind who would claim a sacrifice in exchange for safety.

Back in the realm of the human, water is often used as an instrument of torture. The Dark Ages are notorious for the forced dunking of suspected witches by way of the cucking or ducking stool, or indeed the slow, agonizing anticipation of the Chinese water torture dripping on the forehead. The lack of external wounds left from torture involving water has made the practice just as prevalent in recent times, from waterboarding in Guantánamo to water cannons in riot control operations.

Relaxing into the mood
Although these frightening associations can give water a powerful resonance, it is just as often used to heal as to harm. Steam rooms and hot springs have been used since Roman times to aid relaxation. Watsu is a form of physical therapy, a muscle stretching technique that uses water to help the practitioner manipulate the body. By using the body’s natural tendency to float, Watsu helps people with limited range of movement access the benefits of other types of stretching, like yoga. Similarly, because water releases us from the usual constraints of our bodies by supporting us, it makes otherwise impossible sexual positions available.

Sex fully supported in water can be fantastic for fat folks who want to try various positions but struggle to have the support for our bodies.  It can also be useful for people with limited mobility, as the water's buoyancy allows a freedom of movement hard to achieve in the bedroom. Be wary about slipperiness, though!

And don’t wrap your legs behind your head in the local swimming pool just yet. Water sex can be a struggle at times and there is lots to consider. It’s difficult to keep a condom from slipping off when submerged in water, so safer sex is difficult. Lubricant, both natural and water-based, will wash away, hindering penetrative play. Chlorine isn’t great for genitalia, and bathtubs are often not big enough for two. So what is a wannabe water nymph or merman to do after exhausting the possibilities of the jacuzzi or the showerhead?

Do some reading
Feeling a bit wet behind the ears? Let’s start with some foreplay: reading erotica to your lover while they’re in the bath or while you share a hot tub Feeling the hot water relaxing the muscles while listening to some well-written smut can be the perfect way to start out an evening of romance, whether with a partner or without. There are actually waterproof erotic books available nowadays, with stories ranging from romantic to filthy and cater to all sorts of orientations and inclinations, so you’ll no doubt find something to soap your dish.

Have a spa
In Sex is fun! Creative ideas for exciting sex, Kidder Kaper suggests recreating a spa experience in your own home. Try drawing a warm, scented bath for your lover and using a warm cloth to gently massage and wash is incredibly hot. You can massage shampoo and conditioner into their hair while they relax, and use a pitcher to rinse their hair. Don’t forget to have a nice warm robe for them to step into afterwards – and a freshly made bed, just in case.

Toys
An exciting follow up to waterproof erotica is a waterproof toy. There’s now a huge assortment of waterproof vibes out there. They’re fantastic for use on your clitoris underwater, but you can also try using it on the head of a cock, or holding the vibrator in your palm while you let the tingle travel down a finger for use around nipples or other sensitive bits. Make sure the toy you’re using is waterproof, not simply water resistant, or you’ll kill the buzz, as it were.

Slip and slide
While you’d expect a wet and wild encounter to add more, well, wetness, the opposite is true: natural and water-based lubricants simply rinse away. The solution here is silicone lubricant – just be sure not to use silicone lube with a silicone toy, as they’re not compatible: the lube can dissolve the surface of silicone toys, making them sticky and causing them to slowly disintegrate.

Go deeper
One of the biggest problems people have with sex in the shower or the bath is having a safe, stable place to rest a foot or hold onto. Nothing ruins a steamy session like grabbing the shower curtain rail and having it fall, or putting a foot on the soap dish and having it break off.

There are suction cup foot rests and handles that use a fierce amount of suction to attach themselves to your bathroom tiles (I've used them, and I'm about 250lbs, but YMMV). As these are light and portable they can travel with you on romantic getaways to bathrooms up and down the land. They’re also fairly inconspicuous, so it’s unlikely anyone will ask questions if you forget to remove them – ‘I put my foot up on that while I’m shaving my legs’ is a good excuse if you need one. There are also suction-cup dildos, and suction-cup bondage cuffs, if you want to liven up your play even more, though these are harder to explain if you forget to hide the evidence.

Ice things up
On the subject of cuffs, there are ways to enjoy the sensual pleasures of water while not immersed in it. Consider a vibrator that you can grip an ice cube in, for example, or one that puts the ice in a sleeve to make less of a mess. Cold vibration against a nipple is an amazing feeling, especially if your partner is blindfolded and doesn’t know what’s coming.

Or rub some ice on a reddened rear in the middle of a spanking – it feels soothing at the time, and the wetness of the skin will make the next smacks sting just that little bit more. Use small cubes for a soothing massage by rubbing them firmly against sore muscles.

Edgier water kinks
For those who like their play that bit kinkier (and have experience and first aid training), combining water with breathplay seems an obvious choice. Water bondage can involve predicaments, such as having someone tied so either they have to pull up a water bucket or stand on their tiptoes. If you prefer simple ties, doing them in water can add a feeling of helplessness and weightlessness. Spraying a bound lover with cold water can be startling and humiliating in a way that’s very sexy for some people.

There is also drowning play of various kinds, but breathplay is risky at the best of times, so adding water and fear of drowning into the mix might be too much. As with all sexual exploration, it’s crucial to do your research, and communicate, communicate, communicate.

Getting wet? Well, experiment! These suggestions are just the tip of the iceberg – there’s a lot of fun to be had in and out of one of nature’s most important resources. Whether shower or steam room, lake or pool, channel the naiad in you and open up a whole new realm of pleasure.

Do:
Use silicone lubricant for underwater penetration
Make sure you have non-slippery footing and things to hold onto
Use a waterproof toy – make sure it’s submergable
Keep drinking water on hand and make sure the water you’re in isn’t too hot – dehydration isn’t sexy

Don’t:
Attempt breathplay without first aid training (and even then, be aware it's still dangerous!)
Use soap foam around the vagina – it’ll irritate
Expect a condom to be effective in water – have an alternative plan for safer sex

Your Wet and Wild Toybag

-directed flow showerhead
-waterproof vibrator (not silicone if using with silicone lube)
-waterproof erotica
-silicone lubricant
-suction cup accessories - handles, footrests, cuffs
-fluffy towels

Three positions to try

In the shower
If you want to enjoy sex in the shower, a showerhead with a hose is the way to go. Doggy style sex makes it easy to hold on, and with a moveable showerhead you can get the spray against your clit while your partner’s hard at work. Many showerheads also have multiple power settings so you can experiment with different sensations.

In the Jacuzzi/spa pool
Jacuzzis (or spa pools) are exciting because of the jets. Have your lover kneel in the deepest part of the water, and with your shoulders and head resting on a towel pillow by the edge of the tub, let your body float. They can use their tongue on your junk while letting the water lap over your bits, or stand and thrust into you as you float.

In the lake or pool
It’s sometimes fun to get up to some naughty business without anyone knowing. So, swim out till you get into some water that’s chest high. Have your lover lift you up, using the buoyancy of the water to support your weight as you wrap your legs around them and you kiss. They can now stimulate you with their fingers. If you’re with someone with a cock (silicone or otherwise!) they can lift you onto their cock for some underwater sex.