I have watched places like Dark Odyssey continue to hire known rapists year after year despite knowing there are repeat allegations. I have witnessed pushing the boundaries of volunteer staff.
I have watched this community back down when racism was challenged as a "joke" in a theme or a costume without any context or deconstruction, and I've watched you blow off the controversy as "PC gone mad". I've been disappointed in you. I've thought less of you. I've thought less of you, and of me for not speaking up.
I've watched as sex workers have been taunted time and time again, their rights and bodily autonomy seen as less than in sexual spaces. I've seen their workplace rights treated as useless, easily bought out or shoved under the carpet, dismissed.
I've experienced recommended leaders who have violated my boundaries, demanded blow jobs from me, demanded sexual favours negotiated, threatened consequences to my career or reputation if I didn't comply.
I am at the point where I am falling apart under the weight of years of holding onto the hundreds of complaints and stories of violations. And I just can't anymore. I just CAN'T. I am ONE FUCKING WOMAN AND THIS IS KILLING ME. Do you not understand? I can't just turn a blind eye! This is destroying my life. I know better than most how serious all this is. We all pretend that everyone gets the love they deserve, but people of colour don't experience that, fat people don't experience that, trans people don't experience that, queer people don't experience that. Non-normative bodies get fetishized and treated like novelties to be deposed of, to be fucked and checked off on a list. I'm experiencing that right the fuck now, that in theory I'm a catch but in practice I'm a scavenger hunt check list item pokemon to catch em all.
You bleed us dry. You bleed us 'til we have nothing left to give and then you guilt us for not giving more. You shame us for using substances to push ourselves to keep ourselves going, which seems unfair. You judge us for using sex work for making that money that allow us to keep funds in the bank so we can keep being activists, shaming us for being capitalists, for numbing ourselves by any means necessary.
I call bullshit. Sometimes I need a drink so I can put up with the douchebag talking shit while he puts his dick in my mouth. Sometimes I need it to be ok that I don't want to put his dick in my mouth, too, and still be welcomed as sex positive. Sex need to not be compulsory to still be positive.
If we want to be sex positive its about damn time we deal with this problem.
PEOPLE ARE NOT NOVELTY ITEMS FOR YOUR BUTTERFLY COLLECTION. We're not stupid. We know what you're doing. and it really, really hurts.