I have a really tough time accepting service. I mean, I kink hard for it (I have a fantasy where I have a ladies' valet who can serve tea, pack a bag for me and give me Jeeves style advice) and I used to be a service submissive myself, but I don't know how to... well, lie back and take it, I guess. I'm used to being fairly self-sufficient, so I tend to want to pitch in.

But when I do let go of my tendency to micro-manage, when I let my submissive run me a bath or black my boots, I have such a rush. It turns me on that my submissive is taking time out to focus on my needs, and I can relax, which also turns me on. I'm normally juggling so much stuff that being able to just sit and breathe is a huge deal for me. Watching a pretty boy scrub my floor is sexy because he is working to make my life easier- not because he finds it humiliating, or "women's work", but because he gains pleasure in making my life easier... oh, that's hot.

I still don't know how to handle it, though, how to sit back and let stuff be done for me. I was an independent child, and things haven't changed a bit! I struggle to sit down and not do anything, to be treated, because I feel lazy and guilty. And I worry that by having a kink for having things done for me I'm using my partner, I'm taking advantage. So instead I tend to do a lot and then feel resentful. Heh.

I mean, growing up, I knew that even if one some level I wanted to be pampered and treated and serviced, I didn't want to be a "pillow princess", because that was bad. That reluctance to sit back and let someone fuck me without me doing anything back was partially fixed through bondage, which may've been why I tried being submissive originally. I associated bondage with pleasure, because when I was tied up, there was no way for me to focus on the other person. I had to focus on the enjoyable things happening to my body. I'm an overthinker, you see, so I tend to get lost in critical theory when I should just be existing in my body coasting orgasms.

It's taken a lot of work to accept that it's ok for me to receive pleasure without giving it back right then. And learning that is helping me to solve some of my anorgasmia issues, because I can take some time and breathe. It's hard for me to take space, or take time for myself not doing things for others, but it's important for my emotional well-being, and having a service submissive who can encourage me in that way helps immensely.

Some tips I've learned for how to accept/manage service:

-Offer a playdate on another day as the service date. This allows you relaxation time during your service but also helps you recognize that you have a scheduled time to "pay them back".

-Consider it a type of intimacy and expression of love- yes, they're doing some work for you, but it's a way they can show you they care.

-Talk to them about discipline. Are they seeking to do things poorly so you can correct them, or are they genuinely interested in doing the job well?

-Realize that as a Dominant you are very likely taking charge of a lot of aspects of the relationship, and it's only fair to get some time off.

-Ask your submissive what they get out of service. A great many service submissives get a sense of peace and serenity from menial tasks. Everyone wins!

I hope this helps you in accepting service into your life. It's a process, and I bet I'll write more about my journey in it!

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