question time: f/f safer sex and herpes

My girlfriend has genital herpes. I've done the research, and am comfortable pursuing the relationship. But we could use some real-world insight into making F/F safer sex more sexy. Eating her out through a dental dam is a disappointment to both of us. 

Thank you for your question! Being the first brave person, I'll answer your question now.

Genital herpes is one of those tricky ones. You can run the risk of the lack of an outbreak meaning you can ditch the dam- but not having visual proof of an outbreak doesn't mean that you can't still catch and spread it, thanks to "viral shedding" which can happen even when sores aren't present. Really, you'll likely need to get familiar with dams and gloves.

Now, there are dams that smell nice (Sh! or Good Vibes have them) and of course using some good lubricant can make the experience a little more fun. Any water-based or silicone based lube will work- I personally love Hathor Aphrodisia lube, which has horny goat weed in it and is really body-safe.

You can also try using a glove to get a more pinpointed sensation when giving protected oral sex. There are two ways to do it! The first is to cut off the three middle fingers-then you have a square with two handles where you can insert your thumbs to make the dental dam easier to manipulate (they do get slippery!). The second is to cut off all the fingers, except for the thumb, and then slit the glove down the pinky side. That gives you a square with a lovely place in the middle (i.e. the thumb) you can use to safely insert your tongue, or a finger, into the person you love. That's my preference!

As for gloves, personally I find black latex/non latex gloves to be incredibly hot, especially when covered with lube. :)

The more you have safer sex, too, and the more you make it into part of your sexual routine, the less it'll feel like a barrier or in the way. Think about the way you talk about using dams and gloves- do you sigh and groan or do you find reaching for them to be a turn on cause it means you're going to be getting down and dirty? The more you treat it like foreplay, the hotter it'll get.

Best of luck, and thanks for being first!


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