question time: breaking the mold

How do you feel about not conforming to the stereotypical image of what escorts are "supposed" to look like?

I get asked this question fairly often- not terribly surprising when being blunt about life as a fat queer feminist sex worker, I suppose!

Not conforming is both incredibly easy and terribly difficult. It's easy because I don't have to wear things I don't want to wear, hide my intellect or my opinions, or fake my interest in the sex that I have at work. I've created a reputation for being upfront and honest, and that works in my favour in terms of preventing burnout in some ways. I would struggle to keep up a facade for too long.

But it's difficult because if you don't conform to the mainstream, you're automatically niche and have to work harder to get clients. Mature, plus sized, small breasted, people of colour- these are things that, if a client is looking for it, will work very much in your favour, but if they aren't it can and often does work against you. Many clients are looking for someone size 8-10, for example, and no matter how much I enjoy my work or how good I am at it, I will be passed over for someone who fits those guidelines. It can be tiring, and I'll admit, I've thought about losing weight or dumbing down to see if that would be more marketable. In the end, I've decided it wasn't worth it.

I mean hell, just being out about being a sex worker doesn't conform! And, even further, being out as a sexual woman doesn't conform to standard ideas of femininity. I've been pretty far from conforming all along the line I think.

So how do I feel about not conforming to stereotypes? Relieved, in some ways, but tired in others. I definitely pay for that decision by needing to hustle, and justify my existence, more. But it's also more rewarding, and when I succeed, I feel like *I'm* succeeding, not a fake version of me. And that's pretty sweet.

Be the first to comment

Post a comment