t's been 2 months, maybe a little longer, since I last had sex for money. And in that time, I've had sex twice, I think. Finding dominatrix work out here has been a struggle, between not having an incall and being virtually unknown here anymore. Never mind that most of the clients I speak to treat me like a wank rag, not a woman. Not interested in that sort of session.

It's funny, in a way, but I almost miss my job. I miss what whoring did for my libido, for my self-esteem, never mind the erasing of my financial worries. I miss clients who treat me with respect. I miss being overbooked, having to shut my phone off because I had too many calls. I miss the flirtacious, witty banter, the cocktails at Freud, the meandering walks to the wine bar. In London, it felt glamourous, and I felt independent. Here, it feels sleazy, like hustling, and I'm still not making it.

I've been asked by a few people why I haven't been blogging. Lack of inspiration, for sure, and being busy with Burning Man and other projects. But also, it feels like a disappointment, both to not have any clients to write about and also to be sexually frigid. I could go out on dates, but when it comes to the condoms and lube, I often find myself bored. What is it? A lack of kink? Do I need a new boy or girl to play with and get me inspired again? Is it stress? Maybe all those things, or none.

But I miss my sexuality. And I miss feeling like an adult. I can't wait to get back to work, and back home to my sweeties. Here's to hoping...