Girlcock- How to Pick a Harness/Dildo

like it when a man sucks my strap on. There’s something invigorating about it, watching his eyes widen as he takes it into his mouth, kneeling there at my feet. I love watching the skin in his cheeks stretch as he manipulates my cock with his tongue. And I like the feel of being strapped in, the harness hugging my ass and thighs. I like to run my fingers through a man’s hair as I gently but insistently fuck his mouth.
It’s interesting- I identify as female-to-femme, a drag queen in a girl body. I don’t necessarily feel like I am lacking a cock, and yet, when I strap one on, it is as much a part of myself as my arm. My cock is silicone, and it doesn’t even  settle on my clit or have a vibrator in it- but I psychologically feel the blow job coursing through me, and it feels right, somehow. And I enjoy that it’s queer and subversive, for my intellectual pleasure rather than some physical one- it just ticks a lot of sexy boxes for me. Never mind that having a willing boy or girl using their tongue devotedly on my cock is street legal… or close enough.
It’s not just blow jobs I love about strap on play, though. I also really enjoy penetrative play. There’s something about having one hand on a boy’s ass, the other in his hair pulling his head back as I thrust into him, smug in knowing that my hard on will last as long as it needs to. Or seeing that moment of anticipation as I roll a condom onto my cock, one of her legs draped over my shoulder as I nudge the head of my strap on past her labia lips… mmm. It just satisfies something primal in me.
It took me a long time to settle on my cock and my strap on harness. There’s quite a few out there now to choose from! Different people have different preferences for a harness- some want something pretty, others want something functional, still others want something that passes. I think your choice will depend a lot on where and when you want to wear it, and around who. If you want a harness that’ll be equally as comfy for sex as for packing, the Spareparts Joque harness or the spandex harness may be ideal for you. If you want to try strap on play and aren’t really sure, I quite liked the velvet corsette harness- I find the corset at the back to give some extra stability, and you can put it in the washing machine. If you’re more into the look and sturdiness of leather, there’s lots to choose from, from slightly Wild West inspired ones to low-riding ones- personally, my first harness that I bonded with was the simple and effective Terra Firma. And don’t forget to get creative with this- it’s not just for women! People with disabilities that prevent genital-to-genital contact may find a thigh harness is a great workaround to allow them to thrust into their partner, allowing that physical closeness. A Mistress who wants penetrative sex but wants to tease a male partner may only let her submissive use a strap on harness instead of his cock. You can even use a harness to strap a dildo onto a chair for solo play. You might even want different ones for different occasions! Keep in mind that many harnesses are adjustable, so pick a harness that can fit to your body in a way you’ll feel sexy about.
So, once you’ve picked your harness, what sort of cock are you going to get? There’s a lot to choose from, shapes realistic and not, all sorts of materials. And of course, there’s size. Size matters, as does shape- I really like thick and blunt, like the Outlaw, as opposed to the somewhat more narrow Siren. Personally, as silicone toys can be a bit pricey, I suggest buying the kind of toy you’re interested in made of a cheaper material- this way you can see how you feel about the length, the girth, and the style before you plunk down for a fancier toy.  Just remember that a lot of materials are porous and therefore aren’t able to be fully sterilized the way silicone is, so either use condoms on your toys or keep the toy with the lover.
Also keep in mind fleshiness! I bought a gorgeous cock once only to find that when I wore it I lost 2″ because of my stomach and my partner’s ass losing us an inch each side… so I had to get a new one. I started with something very similar to the Majesty dildo for use on me via a strap on, and got a simple, medium sized Silk one for my anal play adventures. Once you’ve tried that out, the fun really begins- maybe you want a non-realistic dildo with a lot of texture like the Rippler, or one perfect for anal play like Your Highness. If you want more realism, try Buck, or maybe Bandit- both are made with Vixskin, a material that’s silicone but has a more realistic texture to it. The Slinger is really nice for G-spot play. You could also have a lot of fun turning an Understudy kit into a dildo for use on the person you molded! If you want more info and suggestions on picking a dildo definitely read about it here.
Finally, those are suggestions on the basics- harnesses and dildos. However there’s some other fun to be had in this department. Double ended dildoes Nexus, and shaped in a way for comfortable non-harness sex. The rocking motion when you have the Nexus in makes for the pleasure of both people, though you may find it a little easier if you hold one of these double dildoes in (I found the shapes were hard for my kegals to cling to!) I haven’t gotten to try the Share double dildo but imagine that the design may be a bit easier to manage. I recommend the one wearing the double dildo be lying down and the other partner climbing on top for the most enjoyment, though it’s also great for blow jobs.
If the double isn’t your speed but you’d like to get some buzz out of strap on play too, consider getting a harness or dildo that has a vibe built in. Or, do what I do- I get out my Rock Chick, and slip that in, using the harness to hold it in place. Thus every time I thrust I get another rock of the toy inside me, pressing against my g-spot, and the vibration against my clitoris. It’s quite lovely.
So once you have the toys, then what? How do you bring this up with a partner? I recommend checking out the Adventurous Couples’ Guide to Strap On Sex or the Whole Lesbian Sex Book as a place to start. Or watch some hot porn- my favorite way to encourage sexual exploration! Bend Over Boyfriend has real couples learning about and experimenting with women strapping it on to fuck their menfolks’ asses, and most of  Crash Pad’s work has queer strap on play in it. Watching other people having a hot time with this kind of play may lube the path of communication!
I’ll be doing a follow up discussing the various erotic possibilities when you introduce a strap on into your play, but I’m hoping this gives readers a good place to begin. Did I miss something you wanted to know? Ask in the comments and I’ll try to address it in my next article!
(Originally posted at Good Vibrations magazine)

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