Now, I live in a world of sexuality, porn, and mostly responsible hedonism. When it comes to the holidays, however directly or indirectly, often my presents have to do with that fact. But I don't want to be boring and just get the same old thing- "oh yeah, thanks, handcuffs, yawn". And there's often people on your list that you just DON'T know what to get them. Well, never fear- I am like a present NINJA and I'm here to help.

For the Geeky Triad in Your Life: Cuddly Microbes

This is a tradition for me. Every year I pick one sexually/romantically transmitted microbe to give to my primary lovers. The first year it was syphilis, the second year gonorrhea.

I can't say which one I used this year cause the lucky(?) recipients read this blog, but I can tell you the petri dish of three microbes is perfect for a poly stocking stuffer- one per lover. Or get a big one to snuggle all night long. I would recommend tuberculosis or cholera, myself....

For the New, Queer Parent (or any queer-savvy parent): My Princess Boy

I adore this book. It made me cry, reading it. I think it's a great lesson, not just in teaching anti-bullying lessons, but in teaching that gender expression is fluid... and ok.

The illustrations are simple but effective, and, if you haven't heard the story behind this book, read up on it. It'll warm your grinch-y heart.

For the Frequent Travelling Activist: A Joque Harness and Soft Pack


With the new TSA guidelines saying you either need to go through a backscatter or be groped to fly, there's been loads of suggestions on how to protect your genitals while making a point. Good Vibrations might not be your first idea, but I think a Joque harness, which looks like a jockstrap, and their Sailor soft pack tucked inside would be a great way to cover your self while making the TSA feel pretty uncomfortable. After all, they can't tell you you can't wear it- there's no rules against it, and no metal...

Plus, this is a beautifully made, washable, vegan strap on harness, and who doesn't need one of those?

For the Macho Femme in Your Life: Hammer Earrings


How fucking rad are these? DIY chic to the max! I love how simple these are- not super girly, just adorable mini-hammers.

These are unexpected but really fun and reasonably priced. What better way to acknowledge your macho femme's ability to construct shelves and fix the house up and looking fabulous while doing it?

For the Mad Scientist Girl on Skullcrusher Mountain: A Literal Sweet Heart tee

How adorable is this teeshirt from Thinkgeek? Anyone who knows me knows I have a love for molecules- well, this shirt features a sucrose molecule and an anatomical heart diagram. Awww!

Finding cute nerdy shirts for women is always fun and this is one of the best Thinkgeek ones I've seen. It's kind of gruesome, in a disgustingly sweet sort of way.

Hopefully this'll give you a nice head start for Cyber Monday- soon to be followed by Gift Guide 2: Holiday Harlots!