fuck the g-spot.

In my efforts to get back into writing more consistently on this blog I was reading a friend's blog about the G-spot and the hymen, and how these "medical" constructs have been used to pressure and contain women. And of course, not long ago there was that article about how the G-spot may be a myth, oh, what an anticlimax. No headlines pointing out that the clitoris is still a good bet for many women...

What I think is the ultimate irony is that the G-spot and the quest thereof is seen as empowering to women- oh! Look! A new way to have orgasms! How convenient that it just *happens* to be accessed via the vaginal canal, thus providing yet another argument that penetration of some sort is a great way to orgasm.

When I first heard about G-spot stimulation I was initially excited.  I always felt cheated by the fact my clitoris needs 45 minutes of beating with a hammer playing with a Hitachi in order to get a satisfying orgasm, and the fact that no other vibrators worked when I was younger so I gave up and just got more into penetrative sex. Even now cunnilingus is something I enjoy like I enjoy a massage- it's sensual and sexy, but not going to make me cum. Since I'm certain I broke the warranty years ago I guess I'm stuck with it... so of course I was delighted to discover there was another spot I could try.

Then, I was disappointed, over and over again, as lover after lover mauled my insides attempting to locate and attack stimulate that elusive spot. I wanted to be able to ejaculate, so badly, and would pressure myself trying to figure out why I was broken in more ways than one. As a girl who couldn't have clitoral orgasms til I had my hood pierced and then removed, and as a girl who doesn't get wet no matter how turned on I am, I felt and feel sometimes like a failure as a sexual being- which, as a sex worker, is a bit crazy-making sometimes. It took me til I was 22 and in my Human Sexuality class in school for me to uncover the simpler truth- it's not a magical mystical spot, it's the urethral sponge, and yes, you have it, you just might not enjoy the sensation of it. When I found that out, it suddenly made more sense why I enjoyed fingering myself when I peed as a teenager...

I've been able to make myself squirt pretty early on, I just didn't know whether that was ejaculation or just me getting wet. I have had, to date, two people (Gout and Hydragyria) who can consistently make me ejaculate, in copious amounts, regardless of my mental hangups at the time. Maybe it has to do with my comfort with them, or trusting them not to recoil but rather to enjoy it- probably it has to do with their fingers being the right size and being able to rub the sponge in a firm way that works. It's not something I advertise in my work, because it isn't something I feel control over- sometimes my body says yes, sometimes no.

It's not really a big deal, though, for most women, or shouldn't be- sure it's hot, but as most women prefer clitoral stimulation anyway, I think lovers of women should focus their energy on being excellent and creative muffdivers, not probing for some "hidden treasure" or some bullshit. The G-spot thing ended up making many women feel worse about themselves because they couldn't find it, and/or couldn't squirt, and just gave men yet another way to attempt to prove their prowess on our bodies. And I say fuck that.

it's not imaginary, now get over it.

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