For a long time I was really horrified at the idea of breeding. And I still wouldn't argue that I identify as a breeder. But I had a dream about being pregnant and began to wonder if this is the biological alarm clock starting to rear its hideous head.

I'm starting to be a little more chill about the idea of having a child in my life. I suspect I'd be a good breadwinner- I can't imagine being an at-home mum, personally, it's really not my style. But then, I can see the boy being a very good at-home dad, so that could be ok.

I still kind of prefer cats!

However, one thing I *have* found more appealing is putting little aspects of ageplay into regular interactions. Hair ruffling, domestic discipline like spanking, corner time- these are things that have started to pique my interest quite a bit. And with the possibility of more outside time, I wonder if maybe it might be time to give taking the boy out for some "little boy time with Mummy" another go. I really want to go to the Natural History Museum, for example, to see their sex in the animal kingdom exhibit and go to the butterfly tent- so perhaps this could be a way to give him some confirmation that his kink is ok and I love him while also getting to do things I like. At least I would't have to worry about him throwing a tantrum because he's tired!

When things are stressful for me it's hard for me to get into a nurturing headspace- I tend to freak out myself and then need my own head petted, or I become militant in my "get things done" mode. But on reflection, I suspect that a day where we just go do something nice together, non-pressured, might be just what we need. And, well, I can please my public Domming kinks by taking his money away from him for the day and making the decisions on what we eat and when, holding his hand when we cross the street, and generally bossing him about. I doubt he'd be noticeably in gear or anything (he might wear a nappy under normal clothes, say) but I think I could make him feel little just by how I interact with him.

The more I think about this the more I like it actually!

I'll be going back to the States for a while, and I want to make our time together really special. He's felt insecure about his kinks, not sure if they're ok for him to have, if he even wants to have them. I've been there. I know what that's like. I've wished I wasn't a sadist before, because I've worried about what that means about my mental state. I haven't been the best at proving to him that I love *him*, not just his *potential*, so I think it's time to turn that around.

Navigating these things aren't always easy, but then, I hate it when it's easy!