a comment from someone close to me

After my last blog I got this email from someone who's close to me and knows quite a bit about how I act... she said some great shit, and with her permission I'm going to post it here for reference.

Hi Kitty-

I'm sending this email rather than as a comment, because i don't know what you might want to share.

But yeah- your concerns are valid. You do have an ability to push people; it's both choices you make (in my experience), and a level of charisma you have which is not necessarily intentional but which is nonetheless effective.

This may or may not be what someone wants in a pro setting.

This may or may not be what someone wants in a personal setting.

Still: it's worth thinking about both situations, and what your personal boundaries are- because relying on others to implement boundaries is NOT, in my opinion, safe for you; you are too capable of overwhelming them even unintentionally.

Have you watched all the Buffy eps? One of the ones that troubles me- not so much in terms of the ep, but in terms of people's response- is the one where Spike almost raped Buffy. See- I think even characterizing it as that is somewhat unfair; as far as I could see, he was acting in what passed for normal in their pretty unhealthy relationship- and once he saw that THIS TIME she really DID mean "no," he backed off. Because all those other times- she did NOT really mean No, even when she said it.

And that's what makes it complicated. Personally- I think everyone should respect ALL No's, and if that leads to the nay-sayer being frustrated... well, isn't that a valuable lesson on taking ownership of one's desires??? In my opinion, that could be serious edge-play. :)

So: I rather favor NOT overwhelming people even- or especially- when that's what they want. But that's a personal choice.

I do think that if one knows one is able to overwhelm, one ought to take that very seriously and try to use this power only for good.


This gives me a lot to ponder. So, hopefully I'll post something fluffy and sexy for y'all for the holidays while I mull this one through.

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