Thanks to to support of my Patreon patrons, I was able to hire someone to redesign my site so I could take a step back from porn as my main focus and begin to rebrand myself. I am so excited for the site to be done- its so much cleaner now, and easier to navigate, and I got to keep my pretty colours and my rococo meets shabby chic aesthetic!
Because I'm making a huge step back from the adult industry. Formally, I've quit sex work- after 14 years in this field, I'm pretty done with being a performer in it. I'm overall happy with my experiences in XXX but frankly it's become less fun and more emotional labour than I wanted, and if I'm going to have a lot of emotions, I'd rather be writing about them and just make erotic art for fun.Honestly, I'm scared. I've been a sex worker for my entire adult life, and I don't really know who I am if I'm not identifying as an active sex worker anymore. And can I ever really not be a sex worker? How many years from my last paid for blow job does it take to not be a sex worker anymore? Is it like sobriety, where I might fall off the wagon and start over? Is it fucked up to relate sex work to sobriety? In some ways I find myself reaching for booze and sex work for similar unhealthy reasons- it's easy and available, even if I feel unhappy with it.
Will I never do porn again? Nah, I love making erotic film! I might direct more than perform, and it will probably all be weird storylines and themes from now on, because that's what juices me up. And I'll still take sexy photos and write smut because as a person I'm a reasonably sexual being. The reason I needed to stop leading with my sex worker brand is because I recognized how often I disassociated around sex. I value my sexuality and pleasure and missed it when it was gone, but didn't know what else to do. I felt stuck.
Frankly, Patreon has made it possible for me to quit sex work and not be terrified about how I would pay rent or feed myself. I'm so grateful.
So I'm redoing my website, and redoing my Patreon. I want to be able to not be marked NSFW anymore so I can be searched for on here, so I will likely be hosting any sort of visual adult content through passwords on another site, so my patrons can still have access to it without hosting it on Patreon itself.
I'm hoping as of September 15th, when I'll be fully moved into my new apartment with my fiancee, I'll have a lot more time for writing and pitching and maybe even making a podcast or something. We'll see! It's been a tough few months but it's looking up and I can't wait to find out who I am when I'm not trying to market my sexuality first. I hope you'll come along for the ride, and maybe even invite your friends. <3