I have been waking up in my bed alone for what feels like forever. In reality, it's been 6 months, with a short 2 week respite in the end, and it'll be another 2 months before I get another break.

As someone who slept with her partner almost every night before that for over a year, with occasional breaks alone, I find it hard sometimes. I miss waking up and seeing the boy's often still-sleepy face next to mine. I miss not wanting to get out of bed because that would mean the warm snuggling would be postponed. I miss nuzzling my face up against his chest and feeling his arms around me.

It's hard to know you're not alone, but to miss out on those little visceral pleasures. I'm addicted to spooning, but I do without more often than I get to indulge. And the first few days apart, I struggle to sleep by myself... but slowly, I get used to it again... something I don't even want to get used to.

Art by Dominic Wilcox

They tell you that you don't need anyone... and I don't, not really. But they ignore how you'll suddenly smell your lover on a breeze, and suddenly your heart feels like it's exploded with wistfulness. They ignore that craving you get to be touched with no expectations except reassurance. They forget that you might not need, but want so desperately that they feel the same. It's like a heart cramp that subsides, sometimes, but never quite leaves you.

But I'm strong. I've done long distance before. And while we're not out of the hole yet, there's a light at the end of this tunnel. So I'll hold my fennic fox close- and dream that it's holding me, too.