Oh, San Francisco.
Sometimes I'll see some photos of something awesome (like the Prim Queer Tea (where "modesty is the new kink!", in the middle of the Folsom Street Fair, thanks to the lovely Nifer, Slim and Colin) and I'll actually miss it again. Not enough, mind, but a little... yeah, Dickens Faire is lovely, but I'm in London where I can imagine it for real! (BTW- Christmas is coming, and I'd love a NifNaks squid flash drive or a Dali moustache... just sayin'..)

I bought my tickets from Boston to London and then from London to SF. And it's exciting (as well as a relief to have it done). But I'm expanding and developing here, and in some ways I think I'm doing it faster than I would be in SF. It's very easy to be distracted there by all the things going on- here, I tend to take it easy, going to only a couple of things a week, while there I'd want to go to everything. Generally I plan, schedule, and set things up so that I'm not flooded with things to do.

However, with all that said- I was pleased to get to go to a little shindig at Midori's, where I proceeded to feel like "omg am I cool enough for these people??" However, I did NOT fall over in my heels (score!) and I actually spoke to people I didn't know. A lot of them, in fact. I ended up really enjoying myself (though I drank a bit more than usual- anxiety = fidgiting = drinking) and feeling comfortable. It was... nice. And one of those experienced where I push myself out of my bubble of comfort and am ok afterwards, which is always inspiring and makes me exceedingly proud of myself.

That's one thing I really miss about SF. Almost all the people I read, who inspired me growing up, live there- Pat Califia, Carol Queen, Annie Sprinkle, Chanta Rose, Dossie Easton, Janet Hardy, Jay Wiseman. The other ones- Cecilia Tan and John Warren- are from the state where I grew up, Massachusetts. And it's both incredibly inspiring and absolutely intimidating to be out in a scene where these people (my idols, in a way) MIGHT SHOW UP. I feel totally freaked out attempting rope bondage around people who are professional riggers, for example! But at the same time, watching them at play can inspire me later on (in the privacy of my house, where no one can see me) and help me add new things to my play I might not have otherwise considered. I remember how awed I was when Annie signed my g-string, or Carol came to my community college class. I still feel like I'm going to faint when I speak to Midori!

I guess I love how in SF it's very DIY about sexuality and stuff, and if you do something interesting you might get these people who were your guiding lights to show up. However, because there's so much going on there, it can all fade into the background- you tend to compete. Here in London, I can air all my crazy ideas (like a sex worker munch, or the Ladies High Tea and Porn) and there's NOTHING like it yet. I feel like I can actually do something awesome and good. I feel like I can be inspirational, and give back in some way. And it's a fantastic feeling.

So yeah. SF, I miss you, but London and I aren't through yet!