So I was tempted to find "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" rather off the mark, sensationalized, etc etc.

So far, I've found it somewhat realistic, at least to the sort of experiences I've had.

The men vary in attractiveness both physically and personality-wise, many of the johns are anxious and unsure, some are demanding and dangerous, some just don't click with you. A bad review means you may end up taking clients you aren't sure if you can handle... or want to.

There's also a lot of people out there who want to profit from what you do and don't do with your body. Pimps, madams, agents, agencies, brothels, club owners, security, drivers- all of these claim that they'll help keep you safe at work, when usually they'll put in the minimum effort for around 40% of your income, sometimes less, sometimes more. To me, it doesn't matter if they wear a velour suit or Armani, a leech is a leech. I may not get as many clients by doing it all myself, but I also benefit directly and it's all between me and my client- the way it should be in my opinion.

Then there's feeling like you can't talk about the bad bits with anyone or they'll just say you should quit, and it'll justify every bit of bad press they've ever read. It's hard to find people who understand burnout, who get how fun and how frustrating it can be, how rewarding and how awful.

One thing it's brought to mind is the question of how far I want to go with this work. If I really wanted to go the next step, I'd get a personal trainer and work hard at toning up and losing weight. Feminist and fat-activist that I am, I also know that a chunky girl in this line of work is going to have to remain stuck near the bottom of the money-heap.

I want this to truly be my profession- I want to get the sort of clients that will review me, say, on punternet, so I can get more clients, maybe even a few regulars. I don't want to be in the position of scraping the barrel of AW to get a couple of clients who may or may not be nutters. I want to be the sort of woman they see and say "wow, that's the one for me". I'm intelligent, affectionate, and I know my job inside and out- I just don't want to be judged and found wanting just because I'm happy with my round belly.

At the same time, would I rather have clients who wanted me, the real me? Or clients who were looking for yet another slim escort? I'd never be that skinny anyway... I'm not sure if I have the passion to want to lose weight just so some clients would like me more. That sounds stupid, when I type it. The sorts of clients I want like my body and my mind, as is. I would probably do better to take language classes instead of spending money on personal trainers.

Anyway, "Secret Diary" was not bad. I thought it was a good summary, and I'd watch another season, if it comes out.