Creampie the Klown isn't typically a religious sort.

But irreverence suits her just fine.

So when I got the opportunity to be Creampie for the Erotic Awards Semifinals, Chantilly Lace, I was kinda thrilled. Cause what would I be manning? A confessional, of course!

Time for Creampie to get into the habit. Hee!

And what better toy to review (and take on an outing!) than the Divine Interventions Jackhammer Jesus?

If you haven't seen the website, do. There's lots of hilarious (and functional) toys, mostly religiously-themed but not all- the Baby Jesus buttplug is amazing, as is the Grim Reaper and Buddha dildoes. But it had to be Jackhammer Jesus I got, because I knew he'd be perfect for my Holy Moly Confessional.

So, the Jackhammer Jesus. It is a fantastic sex toy for using on a lover, I have to say. I particularly love this one because it's got a relatively normal penetrative end, and the cross bit makes it easy to hold onto for fucking some poor sinner as they cry out "oh jesus christ oh god oh god oh god" or something to that effect. Plus, this one glows in the dark. And it's made of silicone, so even while you're making yourself filthy with impure thoughts and deeds, at least you can pop Jesus in the top rack of the dishwasher for easy cleanup.

It has an insertable length of 7 1/2″, with a 1 3/4 diameter- probably better for a whore than a virgin. It wouldn't be a proper crucifix without Jesus hanging out on the top,and I found his positioning to be interesting- not uncomfortable, but not likely to stimulate a clit either. The head on this thing is quite bulbous, which I love for inserting then pulling out for that feeling of being filled. And it's firm enough for g-spot stimulation- the ridges near the end of the cock are great for texture.


I haven't tried using this on the boy yet, but I think that the firmness of the silicone and the handle on the Jackhammer Jesus will make it a good bet for some 
Nun/choir boy roleplay. Of course, use holy water lubes, none of that satanic silicone for this toy, or it'll melt before your eyes. 

The other thing I like about this is that it's a bit heavy. The way it's shaped and the heaviness means you can also use it as an impact toy- a flexible but heavy smack. Since I like toys that fulfill multiple purposes, that was definitely a bonus! 


If you need something in your basket to get you through Easter with your family, I would recommend this for sure.


I'll post some photos of Jackhammer Jesus's first Holy Moly Outing after the performance on Wednesday, so stay tuned! Who knows what sort of dirty stuff he'll get up to..? 


Check out Divine Interventions for other awesome sex toys made by a really rad guy in my other hearthome, Oakland! And thanks so much for giving me a chance to review this toy.