I am a fat girl.

I'm also a hot girl, a clever girl, a sweet girl, an evil girl, and many other things. But none of those other words seems to make people writhe uncomfortably in their seats as the word fat. But I *like* the word fat, actually. Fat implies fruitfulness, and richness. It's succinct. It allows me to take up space, and I don't apologize for it anymore- not to my family, not to my friends, certainly not to my clients.

I've written about this before but about my insecurities around it in the US, and how I felt about it when a girl I helped get into this business flourished to become far more successful than me, mainly because she's slender. And sometimes, when it's dark and I'm looking over my bank statements I freak out and wonder if I need to work out/lose weight/get surgery just so that I can afford to continue to do this work rather than have a day job and fit it in part time.

But I'm not that kind of sex worker. I'm not a Porn Star Experience (though I wonder if I can claim I am if/when I do a video shoot with Pink and White...). I see myself as a sexy fat queer sex worker and clients not into that can book elsewhere. I'm not in this for them, I'm in it for me.

Now where this becomes interesting is where/how I advertise. Even though I've very positive about my rolls and curves I'm still very careful that the photos I put up show just the right angles- I make sure that my back rolls never or rarely show, that my underarms are well disguised, that my belly is looking round but smooth. And still, when I get naked, while I'm not as scared as I was, it's a HUGE reassuring turn on for my lover to pet or kiss my belly- I want my fat to be acknowledged and deemed sexy, not ignored or not mentioned.

So, thinking about all this made me realize it was about time fat sex workers came out of the shadows- not making their fatness into a fetish, but saying "yeah, here I am, look at me, aren't I beautiful?"

So here goes.