male privilege, desperation, or both...?

I just came home from a night shift at my volunteer gig. My last call was one from a man who wanted to discuss his budding interest in men. Ok, I figured. We talked a bit about how he came to this conclusion- he had watched porn and decided he wanted to be in the "female" (read: bottom) position during these sexual encounters. He then decided he needed to wear makeup in order to fulfill this role. I challenged his belief that he needed to "be the woman" in order to bottom to a man, and we talked for about 35-40 min without incident. Sure, once in a while he'd describe in a little more detail about the scenario he was hoping for, but he seemed genuinely confused about his gender and preference of role, etc.

Then I realized he was WANKING.

I got fairly pissed off. He said "can you just stay on the line and listen" and I wanted to scream "how DARE you!" How dare he put me in that position, how dare he waste my time, how dare he use a charity to get his jollies because he's too cheap to call a phone sex line. And, especially, how dare he, a hetero man wanting to jerk off to his fantasies, take time away from people who have Problems.

And then I thought about it. If you're skint, or unsure about whether it's fantasy or reality for you, it can be hard to figure out who to call. I mean, we have the San Francisco Sex Info line in SF, but in London there's nothing for people over 19 or so looking for sex ed help or questions about fetishes, etc. Phone sex is usually women and men who aren't trained, and may or may not be able to sort your issues.

I feel conflicted. I mean, it's still angering, a bit, because it's not ok, but it's also unfortunate that there's no phone line to help people like this, or the man who called last week about a domestic violence call (his wife was beating him), or any of the other men or women who happen to be straight but are still in non-normative situations, sexuality and relationship-wise.

The more time I spend volunteering, the more I'm desperate to stay. There's a lot of work left to be done here, and I honestly feel like I can help do it. I don't know what the answer is, but I have an idea of the questions...

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