lessons from wanking

I'm all about rechargeable vibrators, eco-awareness, reducing your carbon bootprint, etc.

In theory.

But god, if I didn't regret that decision this morning! It was the first morning my uncle, aunt, cousins AND grandmother were all out of the house and out of the way. I had come home to a house that was armed with the alarm system my grandmother bought and never used. By the time I found out how to disarm the bloody thing, two sets of neighbors had been woken up at 11pm and the cops had shown up. Awesome. It was kind of stressful.

I haven't been able to find my hitachi anywhere- and I have two. It's ridiculous. I know one of them is in London, but I could've sworn I had one here and it's nowhere to be found! So I asked around for suggestions on the next best thing- and, I thought, maybe a rechargeable this time. Why not, I always get tangled in the cords and it'd be nice to be a little more flexible about where I use it.

Now keep in mind I have several rechargeable vibrators. And they're lovely, but I want need a vibrator with a little lot more oomph. I call the difference between styles of vibration "the bumblebee and the jackhammer". I'm a jackhammer kind of girl. So when I looked for something to add to my toy collection I wanted something that would really shake me to the core. My clit demands nothing less.

I had already tried the Siri, which I like a lot (and actually was my godsend today) but it can take a while. The vibration is strong, but it won't make my pussy close to numb, which is what I need sometimes, especially after stress. So I went to Good Vibrations to find something else. I considered the bigger (and waterproof) Mystic Wand, but it needed batteries and I thought "nah", figuring that I didn't want to fumble around looking for double AAs when I wanted a wank. Then I thought the Acuvibe, but it was a little more than I wanted to spend experimenting, and some of the reviews on Amazon suggested it might crap out after a few months.

I eventually chose the Mini Mystic Wand, figuring that even if it wasn't quite strong enough it was good for porn shoots and travel to have a small powerful vibe that charges via your mobile phone plug or your laptop. Sounds good right? And the price wasn't that much more than getting another hitachi, plus I figured it was different enough to be a worthwhile addition. Charging took only a couple of hours (and I skipped ahead and used it after 1 so). And it was good- strong vibration- but the highest setting wasn't as high as the low setting on the hitachi, which is what I wanted. So in a pinch, I can make it work, but not quite right. Plus   it has these weird annoying pulse settings- why, I don't know. Pulse settings never ever do it for me. Do they do it for you? Tell me in the comments, cause I've never met someone who said they loved the pulses. The Siri even has this one pulse setting that's musical... is it for novelty or is that what works for someone? I don't know. I'd rather have more power than bells and whistles.

So then I looked around further and found the Ideal vibrator (sorry, massager) from Natural Contours. I've tried one of their products before, the BonBon, and it was ok. I also remembered seeing the Ideal at Sh! in London. Plus it had a nice L shape so I thought it might not hurt my hands as much as my tension on the hitachi does. So I bought it and waited. Hoping.

It came today. "How convenient!" I thought. "I'm alone in the house!" So I ripped the packaging off and ran downstairs to plug it in, figuring that I could use it plugged in, and then let it charge fully as I lay in my bed panting, sweating, and happy.


No, you can't. You have to let it charge first. There's even a sticker over the toggle that says "do not use this vibrator while plugged into the wall! You must let it fully charge the first time for 10 hours!"

Yeah. That's right. 10 HOURS. 10 hours! I was not pleased, that's for sure. I fussed a bit. Then I grabbed the mini Mystic, thinking "you'll do" and realized it needed to charge too. ARGH! So I dug around for the cord and eventually found it and plugged it in. So this became the scene of my "quick wank" I was hoping for- cords everywhere, little red lights (evil, evil!).

The Siri, at least, was still pretty well charged up so I went for it and eventually came with a frustrated "finally, for fuck's sake" muttered under my breath. What I had intended to be a 5 minute quickie became an hour long ordeal. It's ridiculous. 10 hour charge. It had damn well better be worth it when it's done!

Rechargeables. I love them, in theory, and they're often just so much more powerful. In practice I found myself wishing I had one of my battery operated bullet vibes at hand. I think in the future I will, for emergencies such as this. You have to be so organized with making sure everything is plugged in and charged up and I'm not the best at that- I have a hard enough time remembering to plug in my phone half the time.

Or maybe I just need a power strip next to my bed for all my sex toys. Hmm....

It was a lesson in patience, that's for sure. I was never a patient sort of girl so maybe this was a small way for the universe to slap me upside the head about that.

Still, I think from now on, I'll keep some spare batteries by the bed... just in case.

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