I enjoy teasing my boy about submitting to the female gaze. I fantasize about having him kneeling, naked, or perhaps in the underwear of my choosing, on the floor, as I walk around him letting my eyes run over his skin, occasionally moving his limbs this way and that, my finger under his chin to force his big, blue eyes to meet mine. I like making him feel objectified, my plaything, something deserving of desire and focus and attention. Boys don't seem to get that sensation often, because when I offer it, along with barely civilized smutty compliments, they blush with the praise.


I have a weird relationship with the male gaze. As a sex worker, I invite being gazed upon- if I didn't, I doubt I would get much in the way of work, as a big portion of my advertising is unspoken and immediate. I try to invite that gaze on my terms- my photos are taken by friends and lovers, and therefore convey a sense of intimacy and warmth that professional shoots often lack. I also try to focus on photos that hint at my sexuality rather than make it explicit- something I've often been complimented on. And I both enjoy it and hate it- I enjoy encouraging that gaze, but hate how often that becomes my only facet. I've been gazed at enough to feel ok with my attractiveness in the scheme of things, and rarely envy other women their bodies- but I also have a brain, and creativity, and playfulness, things that objectification doesn't leave room for. And the poses I choose (after paying a lot of attention to what works in advertising) often convey a sense of childishness, of sensuality that comes from submitting to a certain ideal of female behaviour- I do the head cocked to one side, the slightly opened mouth, the big eyes focused on the viewer. I guess I feel confident in my power manipulating the gaze- as the above link says, "women get power from men by using their looks".


Why is that not as much the case of men? I certainly think it is for me- I would be intrigued and turned on by a boy who struck the same poses women do in magazines, poses that suggest vulnerability. When my boy tilts his head to the side, or puts his finger in his mouth, I get wet. There's something immensely hot about how he presents his sensuality to me in a way that's simultaneously submissive and completely aware of what effect he's having. Now, is that a female gaze as it comes from a female, or is it a male gaze because how it manifests? I'm not sure I know the answer.


Fangirls are a perfect example of the female gaze, as this article points out way more succinctly than I can. LJ icons objectify men's bodies and faces in a way that more than mirrors the male gaze- and teen magazines certainly don't put the "heartthrobs" they choose in magazines for their amazing intellect.


Another area that really reflected this was in the OkCupid photo analysis- women should not only look directly into the camera, but actively flirt into it for the highest message count- men, on the other hand, should look away from the camera. Interestingly, however, contrary to popular belief, OkC discovered that if you have a nice body as a man you should take your shirt off and show it- that the shirtless photo was second only to a photo of you with an animal in terms of attention. So perhaps this trend is shifting?

This all finally came to a head for when when reading Julie Bindel's article about going to a "Nyotaimori" party, where guests eat sushi off a still woman's body. I immediately wanted to have a similar party with male sushi tables (interestingly, Seattle and Minnesota have these events with both women and men- yay!)- I mean, think practically, people, men's bodies are a little more flat, thus saving your sushi from falling onto the floor!  I've certainly found them to be good laptop tables in the past. Does my desire for this indicate some sort of unhealthy inability to connect with others, or is it just sexy good fun, along with combining pretty boys and delicious sushi? Is objectifying men wrong? 


Do I care? Nah. The boys I know seem to be ok with it, and their consent is good enough for me.