I’m sitting here in my grandmother’s Berkeley house, up in the hills, surrounded by elderly people and the wealthy, overlooking San Francisco and the Golden Gate bridge. I’m watching a documentary on hippies, and the revolt against reason, logic, monotheistic religions. I’m fascinated by the journey hippies went through, from pot and LSD to speed and heroin, from a lack of religion to a tendency to follow a guru, a cult leader, or another authority, from peace and love to running away from the dark inside themselves and their experience.

I’ve always made fun of hippies. It’s kind of a pastime here in the bay area. Dare I say, part of my vitriol in that department has to do with the capitalistic tendencies even seen among the hippies here, the demanding self-righteousness. Mono makes a lovely button that says “stop practicing radical self-entitlement”, and I think that pretty much nails it.

Here in Berkeley, on Telegraph, we have a large number of middle class kids who live on the streets because it’s “cool” or something- kids who are ultimately supported by families who don’t know what else to do for their out-of-control kids. They’re usually a mixture of punk rockers and hippies, anti-establishment but still quite happy to live within that establishment. They’re happy to fight the cops on the right to possess their weed, but not much else.

Or there’s the hippies within the Burner community, people who will say “hey, man, all this should be shared, right?” but who are generally too stoned to do any real work. I find these people all the time, people who claim that they appreciate communal living but they never do the dishes… I usually joke that the issue with communes is that someone always steals the money- someone tends to feel they’re more equal than the others, and that’s when it tends to fall apart. That happens a lot in the Burner community, as much as it happened in the hippie movement.

But there are values within the hippie movement I can respect. I’m a big fan of self-indulgent navel-gazing, and finding context for our bias and experience. I firmly believe that one can use hallucinogenic drugs to learn more about themselves and their environment… though I also know, first hand, that not many people are really prepared to explore drugs responsibly, or as a shaman vs as a party-goer. And I believe in nonmonogamy, and shared property, and humour as a replacement for hardcore politics. I just also think these things often get taken out of context, used as an excuse to avoid dealing with internal or external turmoil.

Nonmonogamy was obviously quite common among hippies, because there was that whole concept of doing away with personal property. As people got more into the hippie subculture, there was also a desire to be rid of your Self, preferring instead to be part of some cosmic Whole, and thus why would you even try to stay with one partner? It’s interesting to me, though, that even within this culture of freedom, many people left to be within couples. I wonder if part of that is because you can try to enforce a new paradigm, but if you don’t offer a replacement, or a way to bridge between what is common now to the new ideal, you’ll have strife. You have to acknowledge jealousy, insecurity, and face it, in order to move beyond it, or even to live with it. I found it interesting that this documentary (one on History) suggests that the free love movement led to bad behaviors like divorce- I would think that’s a good behavior, not feeling stuck in a relationship you’re not happy in, feeling that your sexual and emotional satisfaction is as important if not more so than the “stability” of a family. But hey.

Anti-politics was also important to the hippie movement, which is something I find I go back and forth on. I don’t feel I have the freedom to be anti-politics, because politics are inevitable whenever you have people. I like a lot the concept that responsibility and political awareness can be fun, playful, satirical while still providing a sharp criticism- hence why I enjoy the tactics of the Space Hijackers in London, or the various flash mob groups here in San Francisco. I think you’ll help people get where you’re coming from more easily if you make them laugh rather than if you have a persuasive argument.

I appreciate and have benefitted from hallucinogenic drug use. It’s not something I indulge in often, and I generally sit with the drugs I’m about to take, prepare myself emotionally and mentally for the journey I’m about to take, tell both the drugs and myself that I’m prepared to face whatever comes out from the experience. I’ve had one scary trip, but it did teach me quite a bit about myself, my needs and fears, and my relationships, so I can’t say I regret it. Most of my experiences have been on shrooms, not LSD, though my one successful LSD trip was very playful and silly. I have to wonder how much LSD one must take in order to be that guy trying to peel himself in the corner- hell, I was still quite aware of myself and my surroundings, and I had been diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses over the years. I know I was nervous as someone diagnosed with bipolar that MDMA might have a negative depressive effect I’d never shake, or that hallucinogens would cause me to become psychotic, and I’d say that I’ve become more calm, self-aware, and emotionally intelligent after having explored drugs. If anything, I went crazy on Lithium, Zoloft and other medically recommended substances.

I guess on reflection I realized that I appreciate a lot of the values hippies held dear, but that the biggest issue I have with them (and those following in their footsteps now) is their naivety. The idea that peace and love will win over all ignores the fact that we are humans, and animals, and thus very unlikely to fully escape animal tendencies. It’s admirable to try to move beyond things like possessiveness, materialism, and escapism, and I strive towards that for myself.

Now, I know what the immediate question would be- as a sex worker, how can I really move beyond materialism? Fair enough. I don’t pretend I don’t live in a capitalistic patriarchy, where I *have* to earn money in order to support myself and live independently. For myself, I recognize that I use the system around me to try to minimize my participation in it- being an independent worker means that I get to define the terms of my work environment, and hell, when I do this work in the States, the fact I *can’t* pay taxes means whether I like it or not I am not giving my money to the government. I try to participate in veg boxes and buy food from independent companies, support women-focused sex shops for my supplies and use my talented friends for anything I need that they can provide, whether that be freecycling, skill shares or borrowing supplies. I’m ok with the idea of necessary evils, and I’m definitely not naïve.

So here I am, getting ready for Burning Man, thinking about hippies, and I have to say… while their voluntary ignorance and innocence and self-entitlement are childish and irritating, there are things to be learned from the idealism of the hippie movement, both as a sex worker who provides a nonmonogamous, non-judgmental outlet for people to explore their sexuality and emotions, and as a person who wants to be the best she can be.

Hipsters, though.

I still hate them.