So after being really uncomfortable about last night, I wake up to see a question about boundary-breaking on a swinging website:

It seems like every other guy I get with tries to enter me without a condom. Usually they just poke and prod like they are not actually trying anything, but a couple of them have been very blatant about it and pushed for it even after I said no. The reason I am writing you is because last weekend a guy took it upon himself to just stick it in without warning and without a condom. We had been playing around a bit rough during foreplay and he was dominating me so it took a minute to get it through to him that he had to pullout and glove up. We tell people we always use condoms before we ever get to the stripping down and playing so it isn’t like these guys don’t know our boundaries. I need some advice on how to get it through to these guys before hand that I don’t play without a rubber. I also would like to know your opinions on why these guys try when they have been told condoms are required. Thanks.
-Swingers Attic, Boundary Breakers  

Now, the woman answering the question calls these guys out on being assholes. Though I kind of have a problem with her reasoning around female empowerment of boundaries:

One of the beauties of being a woman is in the bedroom you can generally be as open and honest as you want because lets face it ladies, the men want it and if they don’t abide by the rules won’t get it. 

Um. Well, I guess, but actually that kind of indicates this whole "sex is a precious thing that women have and men want" issue that I find really unpleasant and uncomfortable. Men have boundaries too. When you are around other people, regardless of gender, you should have your boundaries respected and feel comfortable communicating them non-violently.  Period. Whether that's sex or dancing or on a night out. I would rewrite this to "one of the beauties of being human is that you can be open and honest and expect that your boundaries will be respected, and feel ok defending yourself if they're not".

But I was REALLY upset by the man's response:

Your picking some bad partners is my first thought.
There will always be that one guy who tries to do what he shouldn’t, but if the situation you are describing has happened multiple times and you have only just recently started swinging it has to be in part some sort of signal you are giving off. That doesn’t make it alright. Men should always ask, but if it’s a regular thing then you are in some way making the guys think it may be OK to go bareback. 

He goes on to say:

Don’t think that makes it all you though… if you didn’t actually say it verbally it doesn’t really matter what kind of signals you may be accidentally putting out there. The men should ask. 

Yay, victim-blaming! "You must be sending out signals"??? Seriously? And he goes on t say "I can't imagine this happening multiple times if your husband was in the same room" which pisses me off IMMENSELY as it's been something I've experienced with men's attitudes towards my body and their rights to it when I'm alone vs if I'm with the boy.

And the thing that really got under my skin? They didn't suggest she get tested. WHAT. I mean, if someone was rubbing an unprotected cock on my vulva (without my permission especially) I would be getting tested SO FAST, never mind if they actually stuck it in! Who knows how many other people they act that way around? Gross gross gross.

This is potentially why swingers have the reputation that they have. And why they're more likely to have STIs than hookers.

Play safe kids. State your boundaries. And if they get ignored, deck them.