all you can do is wait.

"Patience is a virtue". I can't begin to describe how often I hear this and how much I fight against it, but I know it to be true. It's a virtue I haven't possessed and something I'm constantly struggling to learn. Patience.

Currently I'm waiting on the visa decision for a tourist visa. I want to go back to London to visit my fiance, and due to being refused entry before I decided it was better to go along the government channels and try to do it the Right Way. Let's hope I don't end up $116 poorer for it and no visa! I miss the UK, I miss my sweeties. Fingers crossed it won't be much longer.

Beyond that, it was a month of waiting to talk to TB after our communication broke down completely. Our first discussion was not as scary as I thought it would be, but it's left me wondering what, exactly, I hope to gain from a friendship with him, and if I think we can even maintain friendship. Thankfully we're no longer not speaking, officially, though we're also not talking like we used to. Healing takes time. And patience. Fucking patience!

In the meantime, I'm doing very little in the way of work, though I have one lovely client I'm seeing tomorrow that I look forward to. Most of my time has been spent taking photos, going to parties, and sewing- I made a squid hat for a party and now I'm getting hat commissions, which is exciting for me and gives me something to do with my hands as I wait.

The other thing I'm doing a lot of is self-exploration. I'm spending a lot of time reflecting on who I am and where I want to be, who I want in my life, how I want to support those in mine. I've figured out who I want to spend more quiet time with here in the Bay, which has been really helpful and grounding... I've enjoyed going on some fun and playful dates, and have others planned, which are exciting... and I'm checking in a lot about what it is I need and want to feel like I'm taking care of myself. I spent a month celibate, which was really helpful for grounding myself, and now I've toned way, way down, which is also helping to keep me from falling into old patterns. When I decide I want to change something, I fucking go for it hardcore!

So, in summary... I'm good. Let's hope I get my visa. I miss the way things were with TB, but not enough to invalidate the growth I've made so far. And this patience shit is hard, but man, if I can do it, wonderful things await on the other side.

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