Then something shifted. The boy started to read my erotic fairy tales every night, and I started wearing my footed sleeper to bed. Suddenly I started to feel nurtured in a way that I hadn't- maybe because we're far apart at the moment, so our intimacies are limited. Having him read me to sleep is comforting and makes me feel loved. And he really seems to like it. I love it, because it switches up our dynamic, where I'm normally the leader. And I thought, "hey, maybe I'll try this ageplay thing again, and go to the next party in little space".


Except I didn't. I looked at my outfits and couldn't decide what to wear, and my phone got busted so I was stressed out, and I was meeting a friend of mine (a LG) for brunch, so I threw my costume in a bag and put on a dress, stockings, and heels. Then I thought, "hey, why not?" and threw in an apron, teddy bear paddle, and some storybooks (including my new favourite "My Princess Boy"- genderqueer kids books FTW!).

I totally ended up happily falling into Mummy headspace.


It's never been something easy for me, you must understand. Not too long ago I was actively saying how I couldn't do it, I had no interest in it, I didn't get anything out of it. I don't know what it was but it was comforting to me, reading to my friend in her little girl headspace, complimenting her ballerina outfit, watching her on the rocking horse and helping her decorate a pumpkin. There weren't many parental figures there, again, but I felt quite pleased to be all tucked away on a sofa reading to her and chatting. Additionally, it was neat because she's like a sister to me, so there's no sexual tension, just love. And it was really, really cool.


So, yeah. I had an awesome experience. If I'm around for the next party in Feb, I may even organize arts and crafts for the littles to do, and maybe a storytime. I'd also love to help make something a little more baby-friendly like a playpen or a nap area with some stuffed animals, apple juice and animal crackers. I don't know what clicked, and I'm not going to push it for fear I'll try too much too fast, but... it's a step towards something I like better. And I'm so, so glad that I'm not terrified of my nurturing side anymore!


And I must've just been cranking the motherly vibes, cause when going through the toll booth the guy asked if I was a mother and if I had a boyfriend, lol! 


I said I had an adopted kid, and that yeah, I also have a boyfriend. ;) He doesn't need to understand what I mean, right?