I've recently had to hurt two people I care pretty deeply for in the interest of my personal sanity, and cutting the dramatic out of my life as much as I possibly can. I have no doubt in my heart it was the right thing to do, on both counts, but that doesn't make it any easier, really.

First, I got my stuff at last from TB. Standing in his room, looking at him, I realized that either I didn't love him anymore, or that I had shut my love away so deeply that it couldn't surface and hurt me again. All I wanted to do was get away. It rips at me, because TB... well, I loved him passionately, but I don't think we're good for each other, at least not now. We chatted formally, and I tried offering up some small intimacies, but he was closed off. Maybe it's still too soon. I miss him, but I think I miss the TB I knew months ago. I feel guilty- I don't know if I really did break him, or broke him further, or if he came broken. I want to make things right between us. At the same time, I don't think he's healthy for me, and I don't really trust him. I'm still hurt, deep down.

Then, after E twittered about moving out of London in two weeks, I split with him. Yes, we're no longer engaged. I feel awful about it, though I've tried to be flippant, but I really hoped we could make things work. However, he just proved again that he would rather sabotage than try to fix things, and this time I had to let him win and leave. I feel like if I didn't walk he would respect me less, and I was tired of trying to keep up with his moods.

While I know these were two important moves for me as a person, it was still difficult, and I still think I'm unsettled about both situations. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is let someone go, I guess...