I've done a variety of things in my life- fucking in coffins, clown sex on stage, human fox hunts, etc. I tend to enjoy dabbling on the outskirts of sexual and sensual exploration, and very few things raise my eyebrows, so experimentation is something I'm into. I joke that I have a fetish for novelty, and that's not far off the mark.

But strangely enough, I had never lube wrestled before last week. I know, right? Lube wrestling is one of those classic things that people do, and at least lube washes out, unlike oil and fake blood (which stains terribly). I debuted for the evening as Auntie Capitalism for Go Deep, a local queer lube wrestling event here in San Francisco, wrestling Big Business/Jetta Rae (who is a writer in her own right- you can find her piece on lube wrestling here, as well as her Patreon here).

When I think of lube wrestling, I mostly picture "sexy ladies" by mainstream standards, wrestling each other in tiny bikinis for the gaze of the men in the audience, who are shouting out obscenities and waiting for a top to fall off. I was happy to find that this particular event was meant as a safe space for queer people specifically, with straight people allowed but not catered to. I appreciated that free tickets are made available for queer folks, so that it's accessible. Also cool is that there's celebrities (who wrestle for a cause) and then random signups. The celebrity slots are limited and go quickly, so I missed out this time around- no big deal, as I wanted to feel it out without bringing too much notice to myself!

I was honestly pretty nervous. I'm somewhat clumsy, and I was already slipping on the floor when I got there. I've never broken a bone, and I definitely didn't want this event to be the first time! But Jetta and I had talked a few times about what the match was going to look like, and scripted it somewhat, so I at least felt confident that I had some vague outline for what would go down. I watched several other pairings have a go, too, observing what moves seemed to work and what didn't as I built up a strategy.

None of that mattered when we got in the ring. I knew I could throw my weight around with Jetta and so focused entirely on getting on my knees and staying there! Closer to the ground, harder to hurt myself, I figured, and at least this time I was right. Any and all strategy flew out the window as I tried to slide under her legs, slap her, and get her pinned. It was fast, furious, and totally invigorating. I appreciated how we'd grapple and she's take the opportunity of closeness to check in and make sure I felt ok. I felt remarkably safe, and while my muscles were sore the next day, I didn't hurt myself at all!

The best part though in my opinion was being Auntie Capitalism fighting Big Business. It was cathartic to wrestle, to channel some of the frustration I held towards capitalism and push it out of my body into squirming out of Big Business's grasp. The lube cascaded over our bodies, warm and wet, and I just wanted to push myself and give it my all. Fighting and then surrendering is hot whether in a lube pit or a bedroom, right? Of course, no matter how many people shouted for me to smash capitalism, Big Business ultimately won the bout (she would've anyway, that girl is fierce). I definitely plan to be back in the ring, though, so she'd better watch out!

Very appreciated was the showers available for after the lube wrestling. Being able to take a hot shower was pretty amazing. And because we're in a drought, I took it with Jetta, because conserving water, you know?

I think everyone won that bout, but I'll leave the details up to your imagination!