So on Saturday, it was my 27th birthday. Sometimes this is really hard for me to believe- I still feel a bit like an 18 year old, or sometimes, like I'm 40. I've been called totally immature and an old soul. Maybe both are true. Maybe neither. But each year I'm happy to be older, to have more experience and life under my belt- I hope I maintain that joy my whole life.

Grandma was away, which meant I could have people over. I haven't had a party at Grandma's house since I was 20 or so! I got a little frantic about decorating, but we had some fun with netting, my ocean themed stuffed animals, some big underwater cutouts and some seashells- I had a uniform theme party, Ms. Stryker's 27 Person Salute, and I was a sailor girl! The boy also had a sailor outfit and we looked adorable together. We made strawberry and lemon cupcakes, which were delicious, and sat down to wait.

It was maybe an hour after the start of the party before anyone showed up, but then, wow! It was a huge number of people from all the various areas of my life, which was really flattering and fun. One friend brought his big bus to park out front as a portable smoking lounge, which was kind of great. We watched Mash XXX    and Glee XXX, giggled, drank, and indulged. It was really fun.

As per usual, I realized that I don't do well trying to throw my own orgies. If it's a big event, with a budget, and lots of people, I'm golden- but if it's for me? Terrible! I get distracted with the hosting, stressed by the setting up, and worried that my guests don't feel like I'm paying enough attention to them. So I end up not doing anything sexual, or not much, and just encouraging others. I become a cheerleader. And don't get me wrong, that's really fun! But...

Year 27 came with a lesson. I no longer need many sexual partners to feel sexually complete or fulfilled. My nonmonogamy comes from giving my heart to more than one person who I really care deeply for- not because I want to spread my seed. In fact, I want the opposite. I want intimacy, closeness, love- if I want to get off, I'm more likely to wank!

And I'm glad. I used to be a massive slut as a way to deal with my insecurity around my body and my ability to please and keep a partner. I no longer worry about that. I worry more about if I'm really learning the lessons the universe tosses my way, but I think this party really let it sink in- I'm happy with my boy. I'm happy with my ponychick. I enjoy flirting and occasionally fucking other people, but generally- sex is special, and I want it to be special. I'm already picky about my clients, and I'm picky about who I have involved in my life, and I want to keep that up. I don't ever want to make someone feel google-calendared into my life, and I don't want that done to me. I do really think I can be happy with nonmonogamy instead of poly or mono,

Now, I totally have tonsillitis. Ugh! It's all soup and tea and resting. But thankfully I have the boy here to make me hot things and set up my humidifier and clean up the house and cradle my drooling head. Ah, love, eh? And fuck this post birthday illness. But I can't wait to get back to the UK, esp since I'll be looking at new rooms in better areas for me. Fingers crossed. 27? You're gonna be a good year. I can tell.