The boy and I are trying a new experiment into the world of ageplay- daily discipline.

He's kind of temperamental, you see, quick to get frustrated and slow to take space when needed- and he wouldn't give me space when I asked for it, so I'd blow up back at him. And it was really putting a strain on our relationship, particularly as it pertained to our kinky lives. We were fighting a lot, both incredibly stressed and just struggling to make the relationship work.

But, he's into ageplay, and I figured maybe it was time to lay down some structure. An easy cause/effect type situation, where I would set him some rules, and if he didn't follow those, he would get a punishment spanking. Even if he didn't break any rules, he still gets a spanking- but he gets a warm up if he's good. ;) It reminds me to be very clear about the things I expect him to do, and it gives him structure, which is something he really needs to be focused.

So far it's gone fairly well, though we've only just started on it. I want to add other disciplinary things as well- writing essays is one of my favourites- but still need to make sure discipline happens on my schedule, not his. Meaning, I have to be calm when I do it. I have always had a problem with not wanting to strike out when angry, and being really worried it'll get out of control, so I think I'll just continue to avoid it for now. I enjoy letting my predatory beast side out... but only when I know I can shut it away again.

I think that's been one of my big fears in being a parent, down the line- what if my temper flies out of control? And ageplay, of course, brings up all my issues around motherhood generally, which is why I used to run away from it. But now, I'm looking at it, and myself, a little more closely, and realizing that as I've always said, babies and dogs and boys all respond to the same training- firm, clear rules, and consistency.

I never really thought I'd be researching the whole "taken in hand" thing (and mind, it is FULL.OF.GENDER. ESSENTIALISM), but...! I guess it's not that far from the ordinary for me to find something incredibly sexist and heterosexual and then queer the fuck out of it. And as long as he's the one wearing the apron and chained to the stove, I guess it's ok with me.