This is my cat Meep. She's been my cat for almost 10 years, so she's probably close to 14-15, as she was 5 when I got her from the shelter in Massachusetts. My friend Fluffy helped me pick her out- Scottish Nick named her Meep. When I had a flat of my own in Massachusetts, subsidized housing in what was pretty much a retirement community, I insisted to my landlord that I needed to be able to have a cat. He let me, and I adopted Meep, my first cat on my own. A fluffy Maine Coon, she reminded me of my cat Pixel that I had growing up who had died young. I felt like I was getting a second chance.

Meep was never much of a lap cat. She liked sitting next to you, purring up a storm, and would stretch out her paw to pat your arm and remind you she was there, waiting for more attention. Every friend of who met her thought she was the sweetest cat because she was just so friendly with everyone! I sometimes wished she would settle into my lap, but she was so tolerant with me otherwise. She was my family, my best friend, my stability, for years.

I struggled with depression pretty seriously in Massachusetts. It was a constant struggle, too, one that never let up. Having Meep there forced me to think of something other than myself- who would take care of Meep if something happened to me?  She helped me get my shit together. I cried into her fur so many times, and she would just purr me to sleep.

When I moved to California, Meep came with me in the plane. The carrier she had to be in was too small for her Maine Coon body! Thankfully I had an empty seat next to me and a nice man on the other side so it was ok for Meep to be on the chair next to me the whole time. She was so well behaved, quiet, nuzzling my hand. She's been with me for every move, from flat to flat, always settling in and being the sweetest cat. I even submitted her to Sex Workers Cats!

We had a health scare about 6 years ago, when she had a heart issue. We took her to the emergency room, grandma helped me pay for saving her life. She's trucked along til then. I wanted to bring her with me to the UK, but knew that her health was such that she couldn't handle it, certainly couldn't handle quarantine. I always worried she'd pass away while I wasn't there.

A month ago, she was diagnosed with cancer. She lost two pounds in a month. We did everything we could for her, but the vet said that there wasn't much we could do, that Maine Coons have this often. I was on my own when this happened, as grandma was away, my boyfriend in London. I took her home and set about making her as comfortable as I could while she died.

Last night I came home to find her at death's door. She had almost drowned herself in her water bowl. She couldn't walk anymore, just stumble her way around. I sat up with her for hours, petting her, crying, telling her how much I loved her. She had peed on herself, unable to stand or use the box, so I got a warm wet cloth and wiped her down, whispering to her how she changed my life and how much I'd miss her.

This morning, she was curled in the litter box. She's still breathing. The vet has an appointment for 3:20, if she lasts that long. I am devastated today to have to say goodbye to one of my oldest, bestest friends, part of my family, a huge part of my life.

Goodbye, Meep. I am so, so grateful to have found you, that day in Massachusetts. You kept me alive when there was no other hope in my heart. You loved me when I felt like I was fighting the world alone. You've been my pillow when my heart was broken. And you've taken care of me in so many ways.

I will miss you terribly.